Tawns of Fun

Imagine stumbling across Vinz Clortho in Pet Care before Gary. 

Imagine Damon giving you a ride. 

“Hey, you didn’t slip anything into this, did you?” you teased Damon after he popped the tab on a beer can and handed it to you. 

“Just some Spanish fly.” 

You returned his smile and lifted your skirt. “Just make sure you don’t leave me alone-“ 

“Why?” 

“-to get condoms or something. I might impale myself on the gearshift.”

“They’re in the glove box,” Damon replied, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from your mons. “That’d actually be kind of hot.” 

“Hey, there’s some Vaseline in here, too. Why don’t you try it out first?” 

Note: Can’t add gifs, otherwise this would’ve had Tony Moran putting the mask back on. Which would have been funnier. 

Imagine trying to convince Michael to wear a condom. 

Note: Raspberry tea relieves menstrual cramps. 

Imagine running away with Sam and accidentally reuniting with Brigitte. 

As torn up as he’d been, you hadn’t expected Sam to survive. But he had, and now you two were on the lam. Bailey Downs was too dangerous a place to stay, with the possibility of a recovered Ginger and your secrets being discovered. 

Sex with Sam kept most of the symptoms of lycanthropy at bay. For both of you. Maybe because he’d bitten you first. Whatever the reason, Sam had sired you and now you were afraid of him siring something else. He had no control over the knotting. You could keep his bloodlust in check, but the lust… You prayed werewolf mating season didn’t exist. His knot tore condoms. 

“You’re no longer a cherry hound,” you joked, still high off the relieving sight of your own blood. At least one thing was predictable. It followed the lunar cycle. “You’ve morphed into a raspberry werewolf.” 

“You’re out of pads,” responded Sam, grabbing the room keys. It was scary how fast he’d become in sync to your needs. “We can go get dinner while we’re-” 

“______?” 

“Brigitte,” you breathed. 

Ginger’s sister had stopped dead in her tracks. If you had been slightly less shocked, you would have pulled Sam back into the motel room. Slammed the door, then exited through the window. Just like how you left your home in Bailey Downs. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Imagine being confronted by Vexacus. 

You weren’t sure why an upright fishman was macking on you in the woods. Wouldn’t Lothor be annoyed one of his subordinates was more interested in a random earthling than fighting the Power Rangers? 

“I am Vexacus and I work for no one.”

He put out one of his hands. Just as you wondered whether to take it, he lowered it. Two unwrapped condoms lay in his palm. 

Why two? you thought. Then it hit you. The shark theme. You weren’t sure if you could fit both at once. And you told him so. 

“If you just finish both off, I’ll return the favor,” he offered. “Two climaxes for each of us.” 

Note: Celebrate MerMay early. 🦈

Imagine distracting Professor Furlong from the “mesozoan.” 

You knew he was into biology, being a biology teacher and all. But you never knew how focused he could be in his work. Because he always gave you his full attention when it was just the two of you. Whether you knew it was the two of you, or you thought you were alone. 

The whole class was engrossed as he was, staring at the tank. Nobody noticed you enter. As you skirted around the tank to get a clear view of the creature, Furlong saw you bend forward and smiled. Before launching his hand out of the water. 

“Fuck!” 

If you hadn’t been caught off guard, you would have realized at that moment he was distracted by your neckline. You quickly offered to clean up and dress the bite. 

Being fussed over by you was better than he imagined. Furlong added medical play to his list of things to try with you. Once you were no longer a student teacher. He’d patiently wait for graduation before slipping anything latex-covered inside you.

Imagine being the resident nurse at Starliner Towers. You go check up on Nick Tudor, who’s more interested in the physical part of the exam than answering your questions. His wife’s away. You happen to have a couple condoms in your pocket. You’re sure a quick ride couldn’t hurt. 

When you change position, your bellies pressed together, you feel something squirm inside him. Directly underneath the skin. Like its trying to penetrate you, too. You try to get off and Nick just latches onto your hips, so he can get off. He tells you he wants to raw you next, despite your insistence you have another rubber. 

What’s gotten into Nick? 

Imagine the Riverton Ripper wanting to pursue you, even though Abel would never willingly cheat on Sarah. Willingly. 

The final straw was his vessel’s wife getting pregnant. As strong as Abel’s love for her is, the Ripper’s will and lust combined (with Abel’s own) is stronger. The poor bastard is forced into an affair with you. You, who is oblivious to the fact the real Abel Plenkov is trapped and forced to watch as his body fornicates with yours over and over again. He’s so afraid that the condom will break, but it’s not until the Ripper considers impregnating you on purpose does Abel truly realize how fucked both of you are.

Imagine Kurt pulling you away from danger in the nick of time.

It took him a while to coax you into unwrapping your arms. Hands clasped together, you forced yourself to smile and insisted you were okay then. Your shakiness pulled at his heartstrings. He wanted to embrace you so badly. But this was the first time you were alone together. There wasn’t much he could do, your teammate thought, to comfort you now.

Kurt was pulled out of his worries when he realized you were kissing his cheek. Thanking him profusely, you took his hand in your own. Then used your free one to caress his back. Something curled around your thigh. You looked down and smiled when the flat side of his tail’s tip pressed against your mons.

“I stashed some condoms under my seat.”

Imagine being able to relate to Kit Walker.

If Briarcliff allowed you access to postal services, the love letters would disturb you more than the hate mail. And unfortunately, one fan of “your” work is closer than you know.

Unlike Kit, you’re definitely guilty, Dr. Thredson reasons. Because you’re the perfect partner for Bloody Face. It doesn’t occur to him hybristophilia might be blinding him to your innocence.

After a careful courtship, you’re secreted away to his home. Luring you into bed is as easy as Thredson suspected. While he leaves to answer a phone call, you’re told to lie down and get some sleep. But excitement for your new life makes that impossible at that moment. You sit up and stretch, a trickle of c/u/m spilling out. His c/u/m. You slip into the bathroom and check the trash. The condom...

It didn’t break.

Pressure in your bladder makes you realize you came to the right room, although overall you’re in the wrongest place.

You’re not sure what to say to Thredson. Pregnancy was on your mind, but that was for after your name got cleared. And the wedding. Maybe, you desperately cling to the thought, maybe Oliver wanted to use pregnancy as an excuse as to why he broke you out of Briarcliff. Some orderly took advantage and... Yes, yes! A realistic story. The psychiatrist probably just forgot he didn’t tell you. In the heat of the moment.

You look up and realize you’ve wandered into the living room. Which is a funny name, because that lampshade has someone’s nip/ples.

“______, you know you don’t have to cover yourself in front of me anymore.”

“I was looking for the bathroom.” Oliver caresses your back, fingers reaching for the bra’s hook and eye. So there’ll be three bare chests in the room. “Or/gasms make me have to... you know.”

Imagine the Magician picking you up for a date. He gifts you a bouquet that he conjured with his wand then reaches behind your ear to reveal a condom.

Imagine insisting the Scorpion wear a condom. He promises to pull out before finishing. You persist, so he acts apologetic and begs to eat you out for forgiveness. As his tongue delves into your pretty puss/y, the greaser debates whether to slip the condom off or poke a hole in it.

Imagine instinctively slipping your hand into Chuck’s when you hear the term “red room.” You’re used to “relieving” him after his recurring nightmare. While Stella and Ramón head off to learn more about Sarah Bellows, you jokingly complain it’s too bad Chuck can’t snuggle up to for comfort. 

Your boyfriend smiles. Then slips a hand into your pocket. His jaw drops slightly before he fishes out the condom and grins. 

“How about we find a bed to snuggle in?” Chuck suggests, voice husky. 

“We’re more likely to be caught. How about we duck in here for a minute?” you ask, pressing a hand against his lower back and steering him toward a closet with a door that’s ajar. 

Next thing your bare bot/tom is pressed against a wall, your pant/ies are dangling off an ankle, and Chuck’s boxers are around his ankles.

Note: “Could you maybe write something longer on the peter hale knotting imagine? Like damn, Im all hot and bothered!” I decided to just turn this into a would involve. Original imagine. 

Peter “accidentally” knotting you would involve...

Imagine Lilith trying to get you nak/ed after disposing of your weapons. You’re a vampire hunter, so she’s unsurprised by your feistiness. But you won’t even give her your name. She wants to know what to moan before transforming you. Good thing you brought your wallet. 

“Ooh, you come prepared,” Lilith drawls, fishing out two ribbed condoms. You glare at her. “Prepare to c/u/m.”

A quick peek into your mind gives her enough to manipulate you onto your back and out of your clothes. Lilith’ll gloat about that later. Just as she’s about to impale herself on you, someone gasps. 

Katherine’s hands are covering her mouth. Your girlfriend isn’t just upset. She’s horrorstruck. You look back at your “mistress” and blankly note her fangs. 

Lilith picks up the other condom. “You’re going to have to wait your turn, but be free to watch in the mean time.”

Imagine Sam still being in shock while driving you home after sex. He thought you were going to tear him to pieces. Instead, he found out reverse knotting is a thing. At least he had a condom handy.

Imagine dating Derek then finding out about his past lovers, namely Kate and Jennifer. Worried that you’re too upright to keep his attention for long, you decide to let go of some of your morals.

First step, poke holes in the condoms.