Tawns of Fun

Chris: “Okay, look girls, here’s the truth. I spoke to my insurance company and we’re looking at $10,000 in damage and I really need to be able to tell them what happened. So, whoever did it, I hope would feel safe enough to tell me.”

You: “Come on, you guys, just tell the hot dad your period broke his whole house.”

(via Sleepover - SNL)

Sheriff: “Stiles, you barely know this man. I mean, you met him five days ago at a combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut. You guys have had sex fifty times in our shared living space. And in the rare moments you’re not going at it, you are having fullscreen fights on the front lawn. Please, do not do this.”

Stiles: “Daddy, I love you, but you’re a hater, and you’re jealous.”

You: “Noah, think of it like this. You’re not losing a child. You’re gaining a child.”

(via Wedding Objections - Saturday Night Live)

You: *sits in front row*

Belasko: “You wanna see this big bird dance?”

(via Grouch (Joker Parody) - SNL)

You: “My tiny pink nips scream in the highland wind!”

Ennis: “And my thick steak hands reacheth those-”

You: “Ooh, but we shan’t touch! For I am a lady...”

Ennis: “And I am a dirt man who knows only SEX.”

(via Romance Book Store - SNL)

You: “Anybody ever get wasted and text an ex?”

Parrish: “...Yeah, but did you ever blackout and when you wake up you have a dog tracking chip in your neck and you’ll like, ‘Whaat is that?’”

(via Dry Fridays - SNL)

Derek: “She picked me, Kate.”

Kate: “I’ll go, I’ll go, I’ll go. I’m sorry, I’ll go. But oh-” *raises eyebrows at you two* “-the places she let me go.”

Derek: “YOU GET OUT OF HERE, KATE!”

(via The Cat in the Hat and Linda - SNL)

(More like these? Some of my fave SNL skits. I can relate to the first and third fourth ones a little. JR Bourne plays daddies and I want dalliances with an Alpha werewolf.)