Tawns of Fun

Imagine the judge appearing to you in the form of Russell Lightbourne. Imagine going after Clarke after she goes after Cadogan. The Judge quickly discards Lexa’s form in order to morph into Russell Lightbourne, your past lover, Clarke completely forgotten. Wanheda just stares. First, at you; then, the “Prime.” What neither you nor Clarke knew at that moment was the Judge just wanted to rail you, get you transcended, rail you some more.

Note: And that’s how the human race was saved by your pussy.

Note: Sexiest live-action characters, part thirteen. Haven’t done one of these in a while. I should also do more top ten lists for cartoon men and monsters. 

10. valets (Martin Samuel and Stephen Dubeau) from Repo! The Genetic Opera 

Amber Sweet is a good name for someone who surrounds herself with eye candy. 

9. Michael Beck (David Burtka) from American Horror Story: Freak Show

Fem-dom? No, I’m into malesub. Get it right! 

8. Royce Clayton (Craig Olejnik) from Thir13een Ghosts

I’ll show him to my sacred place- Wait. No. Wrong song, wrong movie. 

7. Bobby (Jay Hernandez) from Thanksgiving

Gives head. 

6. the Beast (Trevor Martin/Ken Marshall) from Krull

Shapeshifter whose modus operandi is to marry and impregnate the heroine. 

5. Sam Dalmas (Tony Musante) from The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

Eats pussy. 

4. Kirk Lane (Richard Harmon) from I Still See You

Bust Me Open 1,000 Times. 

3. Tom Holloway (Michael Park) from Stranger Things 3

A dad who gets infested by and transformed into a monster. 

2. Russell Lightbourne (JR Bourne) from The 100

Body snatcher daddy. 

1. Ransom Drysdale (Chris Evans) from Knives Out

The real mystery is why Marta never thought about making him a sugar baby. 

Note: Previous list. The joke is that Bobby was decapitated and Sam unintentionally ate a cat. 

Imagine pretending Simone Lightbourne successfully took over your body. You’re able to keep up the charade until Russell takes you to bed. You’re used to finger/ing your partners while going down on them. Turns out Simone wasn’t into a/s/s play. But Russell is.

Imagine being captured by Russell Lightbourne after he loses Josephine and Simone to Clarke. You’re a Nightblood. And he’s not interested in wallowing in widowhood. Russell informs you that you’ll be breed/ing new Primes with him.

Imagine having Simone Lightbourne’s Mind Drive implanted in you but you manage to single-mindedlyhandedly resist the Prime’s consciousness and destroy the chip. 

Her husband’s furious, but he’s not going to let your perfect body go. Have fun being Russell’s consort.