Tawns of Fun

Note: Top ten hottest characters, part fourteen. Realized I haven’t posted one of these this year! Expect one for cartoons when I can think of a tenth character.

10. Patrick Ross (Justin Lazard) from Species II

Alien DNA infestee whose new goal in life is to breed as much as possible. 

9. Nemesis (Matthew G. Taylor) from Resident Evil: Apocalypse

They took a decent looking dude and experimented on him until he became monstrously hot. And be-tentacled.

8. Nick Young (Henry Golding) from Crazy Rich Asians

The cute love interest? I don’t watch a lot of romantic comedies. 

7. Matthew Culbert (David Thompson) from The Boys

Regenerative masochist. 

6. McTeague (Jeff Fahey) from Alita: Battle Angel

He and Will Graham will be brother husbands and we can live in a big house with twenty dogs. 

5. Tommy Nix (Adam Rodriguez) from Psych

Coolest villain-of-the-week. 

4. Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) from Black Panther

Up there with Crossbones and Ego in “Hot MCU Villain Who Deserves His Own Movie.”

3. Rick (Riz Ahmed) from Nightcrawler 

Cutie. Not much else to say.

2. Aleksander Morozova (Ben Barnes) from Shadow and Bone

If Baghra told me the truth, I would have simply responded I’m still auditioning to be her daughter-in-law. 

1. Angel (David Boreanaz) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

THE broody vampire bae.

Note: Previous list. The Darkling is a rare example of a goth BF with a normal GF. Or he would have been, IF BAGHRA HADN’T COCKBLOCKED.

Imagine your boss noticing your coworker’s developing a little crush on you. 

Lou asked if you two would like to make a little extra money on the side. 

“I’m listening,” you said, placing an elbow on the table. 

His leer should have tipped you off. But you attributed Lou’s creepiness to the nature of the profession. Nightcrawling wasn’t your first choice, but it sure paid better than the alternatives. Rick, on the other hand, was more desperate. You liked working with him. He also looked much less predatory than– No, not predatory at all like Mr. Bloom. 

“______, Rick, how do you feel about being naked,” he continued, “together on camera?” 

“Okay,” Rick replied immediately.

Imagine Apocalypse pursuing you, even though you’re already dating Nightcrawler.

“I like ‘em blue,” you admitted. Raven glanced at Hank.

“So you’ve been around for thousands of years?”

The first mutant smiled, mistaking your wide-eyed expression for awe.

“I-”

“Then you’re too old for me, dude. Even Dr. McCoy would be an appropriate choice compared to you. Now, if you excuse me, I have an indigo impboy waiting...”

Apocalypse stepped forward as Kurt entered the room. And, spotting the overlord, teleported you to the other side.

“I would have allowed you a concubine. But now, for-”

You didn’t hear the rest, because as soon as he opened his mouth you whispered to Kurt, “Let’s get out of here.”

Imagine Kurt pulling you away from danger in the nick of time.

It took him a while to coax you into unwrapping your arms. Hands clasped together, you forced yourself to smile and insisted you were okay then. Your shakiness pulled at his heartstrings. He wanted to embrace you so badly. But this was the first time you were alone together. There wasn’t much he could do, your teammate thought, to comfort you now.

Kurt was pulled out of his worries when he realized you were kissing his cheek. Thanking him profusely, you took his hand in your own. Then used your free one to caress his back. Something curled around your thigh. You looked down and smiled when the flat side of his tail’s tip pressed against your mons.

“I stashed some condoms under my seat.”

Imagine being recently hired by Lou and Joe trying to steal you away with the van driver position. As you’re driving away with your employer (after he told the other stringer to eff off), you notice Lou’s cool façade slipping. Some prompting reveals how he really feels about you.

“I feel like grabbing you by your ears right now, and creaming in your face. Are you interested?”

Imagine begging your boyfriend to let you play with his tail. Kurt decides it’ll be more fun to tease you by playing with himself with it first.