Tawns of Fun

Imagine having a casual flirty relationship with Peter before the crew becomes Ego’s guests. Because the Celestial puts moves on you almost immediately. Too bad you found out the truth the same time as Starlord. (Before Ego could get into your pants.)

“You might want to get over your attraction to ______ before she becomes your stepmom.”

Note: Sexiest live-action characters, part twelve. Definitely making more themed lists soon. 

10. Eddie Kaspbrak (James Ransone) from It Chapter Two 

Sure, he doesn’t dance or shapeshift, but his diet is child-free. 

9. Scott Evil (Seth Green) from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me 

I want a Scott virbot (?). With silver b00ty shorts and boots. 

8. Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp) from Sleepy Hollow 

Gothic weenie. 

7. Benjamin (Rami Malek) from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 

They saved the cutest vampire for the last film. 

6. Reece, Tiger, and Pat (Joe Cole, Callum Turner, and Anton Yelchin) from Green Room 

Anti-Nazi punks, f/u/c/k me! 

5. Ego (Kurt Russell) from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 

A shapeshifter whose modus operandi is to impregnate. 

4. Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) from Twin Peaks 

MacLachlan is to Lynch what Depp is to Burton. It rocks. 

3. Dick Grayson (Chris O’Donnell) from Batman & Robin 

I remember watching part of Batman Forever on TV when I was young. Too young to appreciate Robin. But I had a crush on Pick Boy from U-Pick Live, which prepared me for this day. 

2. Shane (Tyler Posey) from Scream: Resurrection 

If he digs goth chicks and horror movies, then I already have an in. Disappointing he wasn’t Ghostface, though.

1. Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) from Captain America: Civil War 

Look at the screenshot. Which is actually from Winter Soldier but I already used that movie. LOOK AT IT.

Note: Previous list. There needs to be more cute androids, not just gynoids. Also, Scott and I could be matchy-matchy with our black nailpolish. 

It takes a lot of balls to sing that Dead Kennedys song in a white national/ist venue. The Ain’t Rights are Ain’t-Nazi.

Imagine Ego falling for you while you’re a guest of his. He’s still going to go through his plan with Peter, but he wants to keep you around. Maybe give his son some half-siblings.

I forgot that I had finished that Ravenna-disguised-as-William reader insert. After I post this, I’m going to proofread it again before uploading it to AO3 and Wattpad. Then I’ll put in the queue so it’ll get posted on Monday. Sorry about that. This weekend I’m planning on watching The Huntsman: Winter’s War. 

Life... Mostly good. I told myself I’d avoid the caffeine trap but in the mornings I’ve been drinking black tea. But the only coffee I drink is decaf. There’s not so much ice on the roads so I can go out with my friends now. 

Uh, I’ve had to read Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene and even though it’s basically pro-Elizabethan propaganda, it’s really interesting. As much fun as literary analysis is, don’t study Renaissance literature unless you’re an English major. Just reading the first four chapters took about four hours. Early Modern English, yo.

Other media I’ve been consuming below.