Tawns of Fun

Imagine asking Jimmy if you could finger him after he’s done with you.

Imagine Kyle twitching his nose, hoping there isn’t any visual residue of cum. He doesn’t regret asking you to sit on his face before the Seven Wonders, though.

Imagine Kit whispering how he’d play strip chess if it was just the two of you in the room. Which garments of yours he’d remove first, which garments of his he thinks you’d like him to remove, what would happen after the match was over...

Imagine figuring out Dr. Thredson is Bloody Face, but he ends up making you trust him.

He wasn’t entirely sure how you put two and two together. It’s not like he encouraged any interaction with Kit. Oliver would ask you himself, after he was sure you knew he wasn’t going to hurt you.

Your relationship clearly wasn’t professional. At least, Thredson recognized he shouldn’t be so close to a resident of Briarcliff. He wasn’t sure you knew that... Well, he wasn’t going to underestimate you again.

Imagine Dr. Thredson being obsessed with you.

Thredson had started to feel annoyed around Kit Walker. Manipulating him into taking the fall for the murders should have been more fun than anything. But extracting a false confession from Kit was taking time away from you, his most needful patient. Briarcliff was only a hiccup on your way to him, Thredson kept telling himself. You weren’t going to stay there for long. That much he would make sure of. 

A doctor dating someone in his care was understandably frowned upon. But he knew nothing was wrong with you. He wasn’t even the right kind of doctor for you. It was just so unfortunate you two didn’t meet outside of Briarcliff. The most inappropriate aspect of your budding love was that he wasn’t able to introduce himself as Oliver, or impress you with what he did for a living.

But, in spite of the circumstances, you were impressed with him. And inspecting his mint bowl, your bare bott0m resting on a couch cushion.

“We’re going to need to get rid of this. Look into bone meal, will you? And the lampshade, and the-”

“Yes, dear,” he agreed, producing a rare interruption. You were rubbing your belly. “Morning sickness?”

“I felt the baby kick.”

Imagine extorting Speedwagon after finding out he’s an informant.

Imagine asking Kai why the lattes he’s been bringing you lately taste a bit off and it turns out he’s been e/jaculating in them.

Imagine checking into a Hotel Cortez room with your boyfriend Jo.

Imagine crossing paths with your ex-boyfriend Kai while he’s running for the city council. Oh dear God, you think. He’s gotten worse.

The blue-haired assh0le seems really interested in your kid and asks if there’s a Mr. ______.

“Maybe I went to a fertility clinic. Have you ever thought about that, Kai?”

“I have. In fact, I donated to one once.”

“...I’m not sure what Michigan’s paternity laws are, but I doubt like hell-”

“Relax.”

“...” 

“So, did you c/u/m with a turkey baster inside you or what?”

“That’s not how it happens!”

Imagine Kyle being okay with a thr33some and wanting you to choose the third person.

Imagine Dandy making repeat visits to Fraülein Elsa’s Cabinet of Curiosities in order to woo you. Noting that he likes to play pretend, wanting to be an actor, you convince him you might be interested in carrying on a secret affair.

You don’t need your co-workers knowing this dumbass has been sniffing around your tent. Besides, he’s cute. But you have no interest in the fling evolving into anything else.

As much as Dandy likes your coyness, he wants you to be his live-in girlfriend. Before you can begin your gentle rejection, he changes his mind. You should be his wife. So you issue a firm yet gentle rejection.

A couple days later, he has you whisked away to the courthouse. A bribe to the justice and Dandy is your “lawfully wedded” husband.

Now you’ll have to help him plan an elaborate wedding. Which none of your friends will be invited to, as per Dandy’s command.

Imagine Madison betting your girlfriend that she can win you over without the use of any love spells. Your GF scoffs, secure in the knowledge you’re so loyal you don’t even like being flirted with. But Madison never said she was going to forgo magic entirely for this challenge.

The actress casts a hypnotic spell so you think you’ve been assigned to be each other’s roommate. So you’ll have to return to your shared bedroom each night.

Now, if Madison could just convince you that two beds makes the “dorm” too crowded...