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@tara-58 / tara-58.tumblr.com

Everything Is Temporary
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lulu-tan79

I bent my head and kissed his knuckles

then reached across to the small box where I kept my personal bits and pieces, and took out the jar of skin balm. Made of walnut oil, beewax, and purified lanolin from boiled sheep’s wool, it was pleasantly soothing, green-scented with the essences of chamomile, comfrey, yarrow, and elderflowers.

I scooped out a bit with my thumbnail, and rubbed it between my hands; it was nearly solid to begin with, but liquefied nicely when warmed.

“Here,” I said, and took one of his hands between my own, rubbing the ointment into the creases of his knuckles, massaging his callused palms. Slowly, he relaxed, letting me stretch each finger as I worked my way down the joints and rubbed more ointment into the tiny scrapes and cuts. There were still marks on his hands where he had kept the leather reins wrapped tightly.

“The posy’s lovely, Jamie,” I said, nodding at the little bouquet in its cup. “Whatever made you do it, though?” While in his own way quite romantic, Jamie was thoroughly practical as well; I didn’t think he had ever given a completely frivolous present, and he was not a man to see value in any vegetation that could not be eaten, taken medicinally, or brewed into beer.

He shifted a bit, clearly uncomfortable.

“Aye, well,” he said, looking away. “I just – I mean – well, I had a wee thing I meant to give ye, only I lost it, but then that wee Roger had plucked a few gowans for Brianna, and I – ” He broke off, muttering something that sounded like “Ifrinn!” under his breath.

I wanted very much to laugh. Instead, I lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles, lightly. He looked embarrassed, but pleased. His thumb traced the edge of a half-healed blister on my palm, left by a hot kettle.

“Here, Sassenach, ye need a bit of this, too. Let me,” he said, and leaned to take a dab of the green ointment. He engulfed my hand in his, warm and still slippery with the oil and beewax mixture.

I resisted for a moment, but then let him take my hand, making deep slow circles on my palm that made me want to close my eyes and melt quietly. I gave a small sigh of pleasure, and must have closed my eyes after all, because I didn’t see him move in close to kiss me; just felt the brief soft touch of his mouth.

I raised my other hand, lazily, and he took it, too, his fingers smoothing mine. I let my fingers twine with his, thumbs jousting gently, the heels of our hands lightly rubbing. He stood close enough that I felt the warmth of him, and the delicate brush of the sun-bleached hairs on his arm as he reached past my hip for more of the ointment.

He paused, kissing me lightly once more in passing. Flames hissed on the hearth like shifting tides, and the firelight flickered dimly on the whitewashed walls, like light dancing on the surface of water far above. We might have been alone together at the bottom of the sea.

– Chapter 18, The Fiery Cross

Feel like I can watch the hand dance between these two for a whole day.

Sigh~

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lulu-tan79

I looked up to find Jamie's eyes

still fixed on me, though now with a look of deep appreciation.

“You’re in good flesh these days, Sassenach,” he observed, tilting his head to one side.

“Flatterer,” I said, giving him a cold look as I picked up the sponge again.

“Ye must have gained a stone, at least, since the spring,” he said with approval, disregarding the look and circling round me to inspect. “It’s been a good fat summer, aye?”

I turned round and flung the wet sponge at his head.

He caught it neatly, grinning.

“I didna realize how well ye’d filled out, Sassenach, so bundled as ye’ve been these last weeks. I havena seen ye naked in a month, at least.” He was still eyeing me with an air of appraisal, as though I were a prime entrant in the silver medalist Round at the Shropshire Fat Pigs Show.

“Enjoy it,” I advised him, my cheeks flushed with annoyance. “You may not see it again for quite some time!” I snatched the top of the chemise up again, covering my – undeniably rather full – breasts.

His eyebrows rose in surprise at me tone.

“You’re never angry wi'me, Sassenach?”

“Certainly not,” I said. “Whatever gives you an idea like that?”

He smiled, rubbing the sponge absently over his chest and his eyes traveled over me. His nipples puckered at the chill, dark and stiff among the ruddy, curling hairs, and the damp gleamed on his skin.

I like ye fat, Sassenach,” he said softly. “Fat and juicy as a plump wee hen. I like it fine.

I might have considered this a simple attempt to remove his foot from his mouth, were it not for the fact that naked men are coveniently equipped with sexual lie detectors. He did like it fine.

“Oh,” I said. Rather slowly, I lowered the chemise. “Well then.”

Chapter 18, The Fiery Cross

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“I love ye now, and  I  w i l l  l o v e  y e  a l w a y s . Whether I am dead – or you – whether we are together or apart. You know it is true,” he said quietly, and touched my face. “I know it of you, and ye know it of me as well.”

~ The Fiery Cross, chapter 93, “Choices”

Happy World Outlander Day

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whiteraven-s

When I was three-and-twenty, I didna understand how it was that to look at a woman could turn my bones to water, yet make me feel I could bend steel in my hands. When I was five-and-twenty, I didna understand how I could want to both cherish and woman and ravish her, all at once

A woman? I asked, and got what I wanted - the curl of his mouth and a glance that went through my heart

One woman he said

Just one

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veraadxer

The breeze was from the west. Jamie lifted his chin, enjoying the cold touch of it on his heated skin. The land fell away in undulating waves of brown and green, kindled here and there with patches of color, lighting the mist in the hollows like the glow of campfire smoke. He felt a peace come over him at the sight, and breathed deep, his body relaxing. Gideon relaxed, too, all the feistiness draining slowly out of him like water from a leaky bucket. Slowly, Jamie let his hands drop lightly on the horse’s neck, and the horse stayed still, ears forward. Ah, he thought, and the realization stole over him that this was a Place.

He thought of such places in a way that had no words, only recognizing one when he came to it. He might have called it holy, save that the feel of such a place had nothing to do with church or saint. It was simply a place he belonged to be, and that was sufficient, though he preferred to be alone when he found one. He let the reins go slack across the horse’s neck. Not even a thrawnminded creature like Gideon would give trouble here, he felt. Sure enough, the horse stood quiet, massive dark withers steaming in the chill. They could not tarry long, but he was deeply glad of the momentary respite-not from the battle with Gideon, but from the press of people. He had learned early on the trick of living separately in a crowd, private in his mind when his body could not be. But he was born a mountain-dweller, and had learned early, too, the enchantment of solitude, and the healing of quiet places. of the small vivid portraits Quite suddenly, he had a vision of his mother, one that his mind hoarded, producing them unexpectedly in response to God knew what-a sound, a smell, some passing freak of memory. He had been snaring for rabbits on a hillside then, hot and sweaty, his fingers pricked with gorse and his shirt stuck to him with mud and damp. He had seen a small grove of trees and gone to them for shade. His mother was there, sitting in the greenish shadow, on the ground beside a tiny spring. She sat quite motionless-which was unlike her-long hands folded in her lap. She had not spoken, but smiled at him, and he had gone to her, not speaking either, but filled with a great sense of peace and contentment, resting his head against her shoulder, feeling her arm go about him and knowing he stood at the center of the world. He had been five, maybe, or six. As suddenly as it had come, the vision disappeared, like a bright trout vanishing into dark water. It left behind it the same deep sense of peace, thoughas though someone had briefly embraced him, a soft hand touched his hair. He swung himself down from the saddle, needing the feel of the pine needles under his boots, some physical connection with this place. Caution made him tie the reins to a stout pine, though Gideon seemed calm enough; the stallion had dropped his head and was nuzzling for tufts of dried grass. Jamie stood still for a moment, then turned himself carefully to the right, facing the north. He no longer recalled who had taught him this-whether it was Mother, Father, or Auld John, Ian’s father. He spoke the words, though, as he turned himself sunwise, murmuring the brief prayer to each of the four airts in turn, and ended facing west, into the setting sun. He cupped his empty hands and the fight filled them, spilling from his Palms. “‘May God make safe to me eacb step, May God make open to me each pass, May God make clear to me eacb road, And may He take me in the clasp ofHis own two bands.” With an instinct older than the prayer, he took the flask from his belt and poured a few drops on the ground. Scraps of sound reached him on the breeze; laughter and calling, the sound of animals making their way through brush. The caravan was not far away, only across a small hollow, coming slowly round the curve of the hillside opposite. He should go now, to join them on the last push upward to the Ridge. Still he hesitated for a moment, loath to break the spell of the Place. Fiery Cross Diana Gabaldon

La brisa provenía del oeste. Jamie levantó la barbilla, disfrutando de su contacto frío en la piel acalorada. El suelo caía en ondulantes olas pardas y verdes, encendidas aquí y allá en parches de color, que iluminaban la bruma en las hondonadas como el resplandor del humo de una fogata. Ante aquel panorama sintió que lo invadía la paz; aspiró profundamente, relajando el cuerpo. Gideon también se relajó, dejando escapar lentamente su espíritu de lucha, como el agua que se sale de un cubo roto. Jamie apoyó suavemente las manos en su cuello y el animal permaneció inmóvil, con las orejas hacia delante. <<¡Ah!>>, pensó. Y entonces cayó en la cuenta de que se trataba de un Sitio. No tenía palabras para designar esos lugares, pero los reconocía cada vez que encontraba alguno. Podría haberlos calificado de sagrados, pero la sensación que lo provocaban no tenía nada que ver con la Iglesia ni con lo santo. Eran, simplemente, lugares que le correspondían, y con eso bastaba, aunque prefería encontrarlos cuando estaba solo. Dejó descansar las riendas sobre el cuello del caballo. Ni una bestia loca como Gideon podía causar problemas en un lugar así. Cuando era un niño, había aprendido la manera de vivir separado dentro de una multitud, conservando la intimidad en su mente cuando su cuerpo no podía tenerla. Pero como era montañés, también había aprendido muy tempranamente el encanto de la soledad y la virtud curativa de los sitios tranquilos. De súbito tuvo una visión de su madre, uno de los pequeños retratos vívidos que su mente atesoraba y presentaba inesperadamente, como reacción sólo Dios sabía a qué: un sonido, un olor, algún capricho pasajero de la memoria. Había estado instalando trampas para conejos en una colina; estaba acalorado y sudoroso, con los dedos pinchados por las plantas espinosas y la camisa pegada a la piel por el barro y la humedad. Al ver un bosquecillo, se acercó en busca de una sombra. Allí estaba su madre, sentada en el suelo junto a un diminuto manantial, bajo la sombra verdosa. Permanecía inmóvil, cosa extraña en ella, con las largas manos cruzadas en el regazo. No dijo nada, pero le sonrió. Él se acercó sin hablarle, colmado por una gran sensación de paz y contento, y apoyó la cabeza contra su hombro; al sentir que su brazo lo rodeaba, supo que ocupaba el centro de su mundo. Entonces, tenía cinco o seis años. La visión desapareció tan súbitamente como había venido, como una trucha refulgente que se esfumara en el agua oscura. No obstante, dejó tras de sí la misma sensación de profunda paz, como si alguien lo hubiera abrazado brevemente, como si una mano suave le tocara el pelo. Desmontó, con la necesidad de sentir la pinaza bajo las botas, algún contacto físico con ese lugar. La cautela le hizo atar las riendas a un pino fuerte, aunque Gideon parecía bastante sereno; el potro había bajado el testuz y buscaba matas de pasto seco. Durante un instante, Jamie permaneció inmóvil; luego giró cuidadosamente hacia la derecha, de cara al norte. Ya no recordaba quién le había enseñado eso: su madre, su padre o el viejo John, el padre de Ian. Pero giró en la dirección del sol, murmurando aquella breve oración hacia cada uno de los cuatro puntos cardinales, y terminó de frente al oeste, mirando al sol poniente. Formó una taza con las manos vacías y la luz se las llenó, desbordando sus palmas. Que Dios me haga seguro cada paso, Que Dios me abra cada senda, Que Dios me ponga en claro cada camino, Y que Él me lleve entre sus propias manos. Con un instinto más antiguo que la oración, sacó la petaca del cinturón para verter algunas gotas en el suelo. La brisa le trajo algunos sonidos dispersos: risas y ruidos de animales que avanzaban a través de la maleza. La caravana no estaba lejos: apenas al otro lado de una pequeña hondonada, rodeando a paso lento la curva de la colina opuesta. Ya era hora de reunirse con ello para el último tramo, hasta llegar al Cerro. Aún vaciló un momento, resistiéndose a quebrar el hechizo del Sitio. La Cruz Ardiente Diana Gabaldon

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He lifted his hand and let my hair fall slowly from his fingers, brushing my face, skimming my lips, floating soft and heavy on my neck and shoulders, lying like feathers at the tops of my breasts.
Mo nighean donn,” he whispered, “mo chride. My brown lass, my heart.
“Come to me. Cover me. Shelter me, a bhean, heal me. Burn with me, as I burn for you.”
I lay on him, covered him, my skin, his bone, and still—still!—that fierce bright core of flesh to join us. I let my hair fall down around us both, and in the fire-shot cavern of its darkness, whispered back.
“Until we two be burned to ashes.”

THE FIERY CROSS, Chapter 85, “Hearthfire”

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Christmas with the Frasers

We struggled upward, out of the womb of the world, damp and steaming, rubber-limbed with wine and heat. I fell to my knees at the first landing, and Jamie, trying to help me, fell down next to me in an untidy heap of robes and bare legs. Giggling helplessly, drunk more with love than with wine, we made our way side by side, on hands and knees up the second flight of steps, hindering each other more than helping, jostling and caroming softly off each other in the narrow space, until we collapsed at last in each other’s arms on the second landing.
Here an ancient oriel window opened glassless to the sky, and the light of the hunter’s moon washed us in silver. We lay clasped together, damp skins cooling in the winter air, waiting for our racing hearts to slow and breath to return to our heaving bodies.
The moon above was a Christmas moon, so large as almost to fill the empty window. It seemed no wonder that the tides of sea and woman should be subject to the pull of that steady orb, so close and so commanding.
But my own tides moved no longer to that chaste and sterile summons, and the knowledge  of my freedom raced liked danger through my blood.
“I have a gift for you too,” I said suddenly to Jamie. He turned toward me and his hand slid, large and sure, over the plane of my still-flat stomach.
“Have you, now?” he said.
And the world was all around us, new with possibility.”

~ Outlander, chapter 41, “From the Womb of the Earth”

“Bah, humbug,” I said. I nestled closer, feeling somewhat reassured. “You’re sure we aren’t going to freeze to death, then?”
“No,” he said. “But I shouldna think it likely.”
“Hm,” I said, feeling somewhat less reassured. “Well, perhaps we’d better stay awake for a bit, then, just in case?”
“I wilna wave my arms about anymore,” he said definitely. “There’s no room. And if ye stick your icy wee paws in my breeks, I swear I’ll throttle ye, bad back or no.”
“All right, all right,” I said. “What if I tell you a story, instead?”
Highlanders loved stories, and Jamie was no exception.
“Oh, aye,” he said, sounding much happier. “What sort of story is it?”
A Christmas story,” I said, settling myself along the curve of his body. “About a miser named Ebenezer Scrooge.”
“An Englishman, I daresay?”
“Yes,” I said. “Be quiet and listen.”
I could see my own breath as I talked, white in the dim cold, air. The snow was falling heavily outside our shelter; when I paused in the story, I could hear the whisper of flakes against the hemlock branches, and the far off white of wind in the trees. […]
Much later, Christmas properly kept with a dram – or two – of whisky all round, we lay at last in our own bed, watching the flames of the newly kindled fire, and listening to Ian’s peaceful snores.
“It’s good to be home again,” I said softly.
“It is.” Jamie sighed and pulled me closer, my head tucked into the curve of his shoulder. “I did have the strangest dreams, sleeping in the cold.”
“You did?” I stretched, luxuriating in the soft yielding of the feather-stuffed mattress. “What did you dream about?”
“All kinds of things.” He sounded a bit shy. “I dreamt of Brianna, now and again.”
“Really?” That was a little startling; I too had dreamt of Brianna in our icy shelter – something I seldom did.
“I did wonder…” Jamie hesitate for a moment. “Has she a birthmark, Sassenach? And if so, did ye tell me of it?”
“She does,” I said slowly, thinking. “I don’t think I ever told you about it, thought; it isn’t visible most of the time, so it’s been years since I noticed it, myself. It’s a–”
His hand tightening on my shoulder stopped me.
“It’s a wee brown mark, shaped like a diamond,” he said. “Just behind her left ear. Isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.” It was warm and cozy in bed, but a small coolness on teh back of my neck made me shiver suddenly. “Did you see that in your dream?”
“I kissed her there,” he said softly.

~ Drums of Autumn, chapter 21, “Night on a Snowy Mountain”

I glanced down in search of Jemmy; he had learned to crawl only a few days before, but was already capable of an astonishing rate of speed, particularly when no one was looking. He was sitting peaceably enough in the corner, though, gnawing intently at the wooden horse Jamie had carved for him as a Christmas present.
Catholic as many of them were – and nominally Christian as they all were – Highland Scots regarded Christmas primarily as a religious observance, rather than a major festive occasion. Lacking priest or minister, the day was spent much like a Sunday, though with a particularly lavish meal to mark the occasion, and the exchange of small gifts. My own gift from Jamie had been the wooden ladle I was presently using, its handle carved with the image of a mint leaf; I had given him a new shirt with a ruffle at the throat for ceremonial occasions, his old one having worn quite away at the seams.
With a certain amount of forethought, Mrs. Bug, Brianna, Marsali, Lizzie, and I had made up an enormous quantity of molasses toffee, which we had distributed as a Christmas treat to all the children within earshot. Whatever it might do to their teeth, it had the beneficial effect of gluing their mouths shut for long periods, and in consequence, the adults had enjoyed a peaceful Christ,mas. Even Germain had been reduced to a sort of tuneful gargle.

~ The Fiery Cross, chapter 34, “Charms”

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voyageon

“Set to meet his death...”

Hayes settled the chain of his gorget, adjusting the small silver crescent beneath his chin. Without his stock, his throat looked bare, defenseless. 
“Ye looked fair wild, man, for there was blood runnin’ doon your face and your hair was loose on the wind. Ye’d sheathed your sword to carry me, but ye pulled it again as ye turned away. I didna think I should see ye again, for if ever I saw a man set to meet his death …” 
He shook his head, his eyes half-closed, as though he saw not the sober, stalwart man before him, not the Fraser of Fraser’s Ridge— but Red Jamie, the young warrior who had not gone back from gallantry, but because he sought to throw his life away, feeling it a burden— because he had lost me. 
“Did I?” Jamie muttered. “I had … forgotten.” I could feel the tension in him, singing like a stretched wire under my hand. A pulse beat quick in the artery beneath his ear. There were things he had forgotten, but not that. Neither had I.
The Fiery Cross | Diana Gabaldon
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What about Da?” “What about him?” “Does he—is he one who knows what he is, do you think?” Claire’s hands stilled, the clanking pestle falling silent. “Oh, yes,” she said. “He knows.” “A laird? Is that what you’d call it?” Her mother hesitated, thinking. “No,” she said at last. She took up the pestle and began to grind again. The fragrance of dried marjoram filled the room like incense. “He’s a man,” she said, “and that’s no small thing to be.

Claire and Brianna in The Fiery Cross.

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“Here, Sassenach, wait a bit—your hair’s coming down."

He traced the line of a fallen curl slowly down my back, and I obligingly let the shawl fall back from my shoulders.

Jamie put up the curl again, with a skill born of long practice, then kissed me gently on the nape of the neck, making me shiver. He wasn’t immune to the prevailing airs of spring, either.

“I suppose I must go on looking for Duncan,” he said, with a tinge of regret. His fingers lingered on my back, thumb delicately tracing the groove of my spine. “Once I’ve found him, though … there must be some place here with a bit of privacy to it.”

The word “privacy” made me lean back against Jamie, and glance toward the riverbank, where a clump of weeping willows sheltered a stone bench—quite a private and romantic spot, especially at night.

JAMIE MADE HIS WAY down the lawn toward the willows, absently acknowledging the greetings of friends and acquaintances as he went. In truth, his mind was less on Duncan’s approaching nuptials than on thoughts of his own wife.

He was generally aware that he had been blessed in her beauty; even in her usual homespun, knee-deep in mud from her garden, or stained and fierce with the blood of her calling, the curve of her bones spoke to his own marrow, and those whisky eyes could make him drunk with a glance. Besides, the mad collieshangie of her hair made him laugh.

Smiling to himself even at the thought, it occurred to him that he was slightly drunk. Liquor flowed like water at the party, and there were already men leaning on old Hector’s mausoleum, glaze-eyed and slack-jawed; he caught a glimpse of someone behind the thing, too, having a piss in the shrubbery. He shook his head. There’d be a body under every bush by nightfall.

Christ. One thought of bodies under bushes, and his mind had presented him with a blindingly indecent vision of Claire, lying sprawled and laughing under one, breasts falling out of her gown and the dead leaves and dry grass the same colors as her rumpled skirts and the curly brown hair between her—He choked the thought off abruptly, bowing cordially to old Mrs. Alderdyce, the Judge’s mother.

“Your servant, ma’am.”

“Good day to ye, young man, good day.” The old lady nodded magisterially and passed by, leaning on the arm of her companion, a long-suffering young woman who gave Jamie a faint smile in response to his salute.

He couldn’t help it. He had to turn and look after Claire. He caught no more than a glimpse of the top of her head among the crowd on the terrace she wouldn’t wear a proper cap, of course, the stubborn wee besom, but had some foolishness pinned on instead, a scrap of lace caught up with a cluster of ribbons and rose hips. That made him want to laugh, too, and he turned back toward the willows, smiling to himself.

It was seeing her in the new gown that did it. It had been months since he’d seen her dressed like a lady, narrow-waisted in silk, and her white breasts round and sweet as winter pears in the low neck of her gown. It was as though she were suddenly a different woman; one intimately familiar and yet still excitingly strange.

His fingers twitched, remembering that one rebel lock, spiraling free down her neck, and the feel of her slender nape—and the feel of her plump warm arse through her skirts, pressed against his leg. He had not had her in more than a week, what with the press of people round them, and was feeling the lack acutely.

Ever since she had shown him the sperms, he had been uncomfortably aware of the crowded conditions that must now and then obtain in his balls, an impression made forcibly stronger in situations such as this. He kent well enough that there was no danger of rupture or explosion—and yet he couldn’t help but think of all the shoving going on.

Being trapped in a seething mass of others, with no hope of escape, was one of his own personal visions of Hell, and he paused for a moment outside the screen of willow trees, to administer a brief squeeze of reassurance, which he hoped might calm the riot for a bit.

He’d see Duncan safely married, he decided, and then the man must see to his own affairs. Come nightfall, and if he could do no better than a bush, then a bush it would have to be.

-The Fiery Cross

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surana17
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Anonymous asked:

Didn't jamie dream of banging a horse once or am I wrong? Plz confirm

YOU ARE NOT WRONG

The Fiery Cross

The hand on my bottom squeezed suddenly, and I started.
“Sassenach,” Jamie said drowsily, “you’re squirming like a toadling in a wee lad’s fist. D’yeneed to get up and go to the privy?”
“Oh, you’re awake,” I said, feeling mildly foolish.
“I am now,” he said. The hand fell away, and he stretched, groaning. His bare feet poppedout at the far end of the quilt, long toes spread wide.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Och, dinna fash yourself,” he assured me. He cleared his throat and rubbed a handthrough the ruddy waves of his loosened hair, blinking. “I was dreaming like a fiend; I alwaysdo when I sleep cold.” He lifted his head and peered down across the quilt, wiggling his exposed toes with disfavor. “Why did I not sleep wi’ my stockings on?”
“Really? What were you dreaming about?” I asked, with a small stab of uneasiness. I ratherhoped he hadn’t been dreaming the same sort of thing I had.
“Horses,” he said, to my immediate relief. I laughed.
“What sort of fiendish dreams could you be having about horses?”
“Oh, God, it was terrible.” He rubbed his eyes with both fists and shook his head, trying toclear the dream from his mind. “All to do wi’ the Irish kings. Ye ken what MacKenzie was sayin’ about it, at the fire last night?”
“Irish ki—oh!” I remembered, and laughed again at the recollection. “Yes, I do.”
Roger, flushed with the triumph of his new engagement, had regaled the company aroundthe fireside the night before with songs, poems, and entertaining historical anecdotes—one ofwhich concerned the rites with which the ancient Irish kings were said to have been crowned.One of these involved the successful candidate copulating with a white mare before the assembled multitudes, presumably to prove his virility—though I thought it would be a betterproof of the gentleman’s sangfroid, myself.
“I was in charge o’ the horse,” Jamie informed me. “And everything went wrong. The manwas too short, and I had to find something for him to stand on. I found a rock, but I couldna liftit. Then a stool, but the leg came off in my hand. Then I tried to pile up bricks to make a platform, but they crumbled to sand. Finally they said it was all right, they would just cut the legsoff the mare, and I was trying to stop them doing that, and the man who would be king wasjerkin’ at his breeks and complaining that his fly buttons wouldna come loose, and thensomeone noticed that it was a black mare, and that wouldna do at all.”
I snorted, muffling my laughter in a fold of his shirt for fear of wakening someone campednear us.
“Is that when you woke up?”
“No. For some reason, I was verra much affronted at that. I said it would do, in fact the blackwas a much better horse, for everyone knows that white horses have weak een, and I saidthe offspring would be blind. And they said no, no, the black was ill luck, and I was insisting itwas not, and …” He stopped, clearing his throat.
“And?”
He shrugged and glanced sideways at me, a faint flush creeping up his neck.
“Aye, well. I said it would do fine, I’d show them. And I had just grasped the mare’s rump tostop her moving, and was getting ready to … ah … make myself king of Ireland. That’swhen I woke.”
I snorted and wheezed, and felt his side vibrate with his own suppressed laughter.
“Oh, now I’m really sorry to have wakened you!” I wiped my eyes on the corner of the quilt.“I’m sure it was a great loss to the Irish. Though I do wonder how the queens of Ireland feltabout that particular ceremony,” I added as an afterthought.
“I canna think the ladies would suffer even slightly by comparison,” Jamie assured me.“Though I have heard of men who prefer—”
“I wasn’t thinking of that,” I said. “It was more the hygienic implications, if you see what Imean. Putting the cart before the horse is one thing, but putting the horse before the queen . ..”
“The—oh, aye.” He was flushed with amusement, but his skin darkened further at that. “Saywhat ye may about the Irish, Sassenach, but I do believe they wash now and then. And underthe circumstances, the king might possibly even have found a bit of soap useful, in … in …”
“In medias res?” I suggested. “Surely not. I mean, after all, a horse is quite large, relativelyspeaking …”
“It’s a matter of readiness, Sassenach, as much as room,” he said, with a repressive glancein my direction. “And I can see that a man might require a bit of encouragement, under the circumstances. Though it’s in medias res, in any case,” he added. “Have ye never read Horace?Or Aristotle?”
“No. We can’t all be educated. And I’ve never had much time for Aristotle, after hearing thathe ranked women somewhere below worms in his classification of the natural world.”
“The man can’t have been married.” Jamie’s hand moved slowly up my back, fingering theknobs of my spine through my shift. “Surely he would ha’ noticed the bones, else.”
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A Sheumais Ruaidh | Red Jamie

A Sheumais ruaidh,” he said. “I did think ye might come to your wife, sooner or later. I’ve been seekin’ ye the morn.”
I was startled by the name, and so was Jamie; a look of surprise flashed across his features, then disappeared, replaced by wariness. No one had called him “Red Jamie” since the days of the Rising.
“I heard,” he said dryly. He sat down on my extra stool, facing Hayes. “Let’s have it, then. What is it?”…
“Ye’ve grown a bit suspicious in your auld age, a Sheumais ruaidh,” Hayes said, shaking his head reprovingly.
“That’s how I’ve lived to grow as auld as I have,” Jamie replied, smiling slightly. He paused, eyeing Hayes. “Ye say it was a man named Murchinson who shot ye on the field at Drumossie?”
I had finished bandaging; Hayes moved his shoulder experimentally, testing for pain.
“Why, ye kent that surely, a Sheumais ruaidh. D’ye not recall the day, man?
Jamie’s face changed subtly, and I felt a small tremor of unease. The fact was that Jamie had almost no memory of the last day of the clans, of the slaughter that had left so many bleeding in the rain – him among them. I knew that small scenes from that day came back to him now and again in his sleep, fragments of nightmare – but whether it was from trauma, injury, or simple force of will, the Battle of Culloden was lost to him – or had been, until now. I didn’t think he wanted it back.
“A great deal happened then,” he said. “I dinna remember everything, no.” He bent his head abruptly, and thrust a thumb beneath the fold of the letter, opening it so roughly that the wax seal shattered into fragments.
“You husband’s a modest man, Mistress Fraser.” Hayes nodded to me as he summoned his aide with a flip of the hand. “Has he never told ye what he did that day?”
“There was a good bit of gallantry on that field,” Jamie muttered, head bent over the letter. “And quite a bit of the reverse.” I didn’t think he was reading; his eyes were fixed as though he were seeing something else, beyond the paper that he held.
“Aye, there was,” Hayes agreed. “But it does seem worth remark, when a man’s saved your life, no?
Jamie’s head jerked up at that, startled. I moved across to stand behind him, a hand laid lightly on his shoulder. Hayes took the shirt from his aide and put it slowly on, smiling in an odd, half-watchful way.
“Ye dinna recall how ye struck Murchinson across the head, just as he was set to bayonet me on the ground? And then ye picked me up and carried me from the field, awa to a bittie well nearby?… There was someone there to tend me; they wished ye to stay, too, for ye were wounded and bleeding, but ye would not. Ye wished me well, in the name of St. Michael – and went back then, to the field.”
Ye looked fair wild, man, for there was blood running’ doon your face and your hair was loose on the wind. Ye’d sheathed your sword to carry me, but ye pulled it again as ye turned away. I didna think I should see ye again, for if ever I saw man set to meet his death…”
He shook his head, his eyes half-closed, as though he saw not the sober stalwart man before him, not the Fraser of Fraser’s Ridge – but Red Jamie, the young warrior who had not gone back for gallantry, but because he sough to throw his life away, feeling it a burden – because he had lost me.

~ The Fiery Cross, “Shrapnel”

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