ok so there’s a lot going on here and im sorry if i dont address everything perfectly but i’m very exhausted by this type of discussion. i have a lot to say on this topic so im going to put it in a list in the hopes of getting it all out
1. the first thing i notice is that you seem to have taken my comment as some sort of personal attack or “shaming”. its not. I didn’t reblog this from you directly, it just came up on my dash, and in hindsight i should have realised that artists on tumblr are very connected with their work but when you just see something floating around on your dash it easily becomes very isolated from any original context, so i saw just the comic and a title. its important to understand this because my comment was only on what i saw. it has nothing to do with you as a person, and my critique was of the work alone. so im sorry if you feel personally shamed, but that was not the intention, nor is it in the meaning of my words, or how this kind feminist analysis should be interpreted.
2. i’d like to explain what i see when i see your comic because it might help you understand why i felt a comment was necessary. i see in your comic what i see happening all around me, in the kids i teach and my friends and myself and adult women in my life and even in strangers in the street: females who, as girls, are disinterested in what society expects of them, but slowly over time become, as women, exactly what society always told them they would. in your title (for lack of a better word) i see what society tells girls and women what they want them to think this change is, “character development”, and not socialisation, pressure and grooming to fit a certain set of ideas that have been laid out for them since birth.
3. i’d also like to explain what i meant because i’m not sure you’ve understood. that’s probably because it was an offhand remark in a reblog so i’ll go into more detail here. femininity is designed by the patriarchy to be uncomfortable, restrictive, expensive, painful, time consuming etc. women don’t choose completely of their own accord to go through the discomfort of femininity. for example, shaving or waxing is definitely not something that women would do if society didn’t tell them they should. it only became a thing when companies realised they could profit off it. just because some women have come to enjoy it in whatever way, does not mean they would have chosen it before it was forced on them. further analysis can be (i’d say should be) done to understand that this enjoyment that women learn to experience from appearing “pretty” and feminine is because of the effects it has on the way people (men, let’s name the oppressors) treat them. a woman who looks feminine is going to be treated much better than a woman who doesn’t. when i say that women who have developed to fit this patriarchal mould are not doing it from “character development” as you described, i mean that they haven’t naturally and individually reached this point, they have been socialised by the patriarchy, through advertising, media, books, and the reaction they get from men and society in general when they conform, to believe that this is what they want for themselves.
4. i am definitely not saying that this is the fault of women, individually or as a whole. the patriarchy (operated by men) is designed to oppress us by using gender roles. i’m definitely not saying that you or any woman should change your behaviour. i’m just pointing out that it isn’t a natural phenomenon that women wear dresses and makeup.
5. i’m not trying to make you “feel” like you don’t have control of yourself. I’m pointing out that all women have been manipulated by the patriarchy. none of us has full control of ourselves! its important that we recognise this so that we can identify when it effects us, support each other and eventually become free from the patriarchy. that’s literally the point of feminism. i’m sorry if that knowledge scares you (honestly i’d be worried if it didn’t), but there’s no point in hiding from it.
6. i looked through the first couple of pages and found a conversation you had with someone about being scared of being seen as girly and i kind of want to address that too.
6.a) the reason being girly can be seen as weak is because, well, it is. like, not sure if you’ve picked this up yet but femininity is designed to fuck us over. its not there for fun. dresses are restrictive, heels mean its harder to run away or be active, make up is time consuming and expensive, shaving is uncomfortable, time consuming and expensive. i could go on, but i hope you see what i’m getting at. its not feminists’ fault that you feel this way, its the patriachy’s.
6.b) if you really think that women who conform to these gender roles are worse off than those who are gender non conforming, i’m concerned. while the gender roles are designed to punish women, women are also punished if they don’t conform. its much harder not to shave, simply because of how you’re treated if you don’t conform. butch lesbians are some of the hardest hit by patriarchal gender roles, because they have said a loud and resounding “fuck you” to patriarchy, and nobody likes a girl who doesn’t conform.
Ok SO that took way longer than i was expecting and turned into a bit of an essay but i am SO SICK of these arguments that are all about choosing your choice and whatnot. please can we all try to think a little more critically about the world we live in and maybe some good will actually come of it.
Again, sorry you were offended by my comment, and if you’re still offended or want to talk more or whatever i am more than happy to! i probably didn’t make any sense so questions are also welcome!
and i hope we all learned a little something here. i learned that typing with cold hands is really hard!!
