HOLD ON A COTTON PICKING MINUTE

a name in welsh it may also be, but noble maiden is not welsh! DO YOUR RESEARCH PROPERLY

Ok, so y'all should go back and read the rant in OP's tags (it's delightful), but I need to highlight this one pun:

How To Energize A Mothman

Partner: Hey. So. What happened.

Me: (looking up at the sky thoughtfully) Ran into a mothman. He kept hassling me to buy him a pop. I told him they have free nectar down at the corner store, but I think he has a caffeine problem.

Partner: So why is he up there now . . . and why is he banging into every streetlamp in sight?

Me: Well, he wouldn’t stop bugging me, so I finally gave him the energy drink in my bag. Let’s just say it really lit up his life.

Mothman: (spiralling by) WheeEEEEeeeeEEEEeeeEEEEEeeeee . . .

Partner: Did that really strike you as a smart solution?

Me: No, but it did strike me as educational. And funny.

(glass smashes as mothman flies through a window)

Partner: Lawsuits are usually less funny, though.

Me: (sighs) Yeah, yeah, let’s go get the spotlight.

———

(A/N: I feel like there’s something here about a “caffeine buzz.” Don’t worry, the guy is mothly okay, so long as he doesn’t compound the issue. Sorry if that was bad, I’m just winging these.)

For more assorted nonsense, visit the How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

BONUS:

Partner: At least you didn't make a pun about how Red Bull gives you wings.

Me: I TRIED, but he already HAS wings, I couldn't get it to work! And it was a Monster, anyway.

Partner: So now you're supporting cannibalism.

Me: What?! . . . Oh. Oh, for CRYING OUT LOUD—

Partner: See? See?! Now you know what it's like working with you!

ARE YOU TODAY’S DATE?

BECAUSE YOURE 10/10

i’ve waited one year to reblog this

They should invent a body that works

I think they have baths AND bodies that work but you need to go to one specific store chain for them

So WoB the pulse from the Well of Ascension is a pure tone of Scadrial, just like Honor's tone is a pure tone of Roshar. This has implications for the world itself, but guess what? It also means that, long before the advent of recording technology, long before the advent of genre, long before the advent of the electric guitar,

Scadrial had metal music

I'll see myself out

Did you see the newest movie on the Dragon Hallmark channel? It was truly heartwyrming.

How To Frustrate A Faun

Me: (holding up rare flowers) Special delivery!

Faun: You got them! Thank you so much, I could never have gone near a hydra. Was it difficult?

Me: Nah, turns out I knew him and he exchanged some for a favor. On that note, I need to wash my sword.

Faun: (eating a flower; eyes roll in delight) Fantastic! My dinner party will be a hit with these in the center dish!

Me: Oh yeah, people'll be fauning all over it!

Faun: . . . I thought we agreed when I hired you that there'd be NO puns?

Me: Shoot, I completely forgot! My baad.

Faun: (deadpan stare)

Me: Sorry! It's hard to stop when I get goating—going.

Faun: . . . (sighs) Well, I can't fault your actual work, so I'll let it slide. Let me grab your pay.

Me: Thanks! So what dish are you using the flowers in?

Faun: You know, I haven't completely decided. My mother is coming and she's a bit picky, but I know she likes a good salad, so I could use them to top a Mediterranean mix or brighten up a simple spring salad. What do you think?

Me: I'm sure which . . . ever . . .

Faun: . . . ?

Me: (sweating)

Faun: . . . No, no don't you do it—!

Me: I’m sure whichever you make will satyr.

Faun: (throws money bag)

Me: (catches and runs) I sense you aren't kidding, boy I feel sheepish, guess it would behoof me to leave, don't bleat 'em all at once!

Faun: (yelling in distance) I'M TAKING A STAR OFF MY YELP REVIEW!

Me: PROBABLY FAIR!

------

(A/N: I had this one on the backburner for months because I had so many goat puns but couldn't get the delivery right. I wish I was actually this quick-witted in person, but then again, I'd probably have more enemies. XD; )

For more assorted nonsense, visit my How To Guides for Mythical Creatures Masterlist!

maedhros: *gives opinion*

maedhros: on the other hand, which i do not possess anymore,

No you don’t understand. I unironically believe that this is how he dismisses ideas he thinks are stupid.

“On one hand [his own, sensible idea]. On the other hand *tries to gesture with right hand, looks comically surprised* oh, whoops”

maedhros does this during a war council and everyone present gives high king fingon their death stare as he is the only one laughing

I’m inappropriately fond of this as well.

Maitimo laughed, loud and harsh, making his brothers wince. “What did Father fight for? Many things, of course, but I for my part have sworn an Oath that makes no mention of the crown. It does mention the Silmarils, and to win them, we need a far greater force than we have or ever will have as long as the Noldor follow two different kings.” “But on the other hand–” Tyelkormo began, but he was cut short at once: “I have no other hand.”

I mean, Beren shamelessly uses his handicap for dramatic emphasis, so why wouldn’t Maedhros!

This has crossed my mind many times as well, especially with the expression ‘single-handedly’

Maedhros, hearing of Beren’s exploits: Well you really have to hand it to him-

*queue collective groans from all elves in a mile radius from him*

Maedhros, pouting: What? He really went out on a limb!

well he certainly nailed that

A flock of pegasi has landed in my yard, and now these featherbains won't stop horsing around and get out of my hair. I don't want to be whinny but I canter deal with this today.

Was going to go reblog the original post, but actually these tags by @o-lei-o-lai-o-lord need to be preserved.

Did you hear that dryad's gossip about a scandal at the winery? Apparently she heard it through the grapevine.

all quiet in a western font

loving all the pain and resignation this is causing, judging from the notes