Ugh, i need to vent.
I feel like shit today. It’s been a while since i’ve felt like this. My shrink discharged me last year and because of the pandemic i haven’t been able to get a hold of my psychologist, but i’ve been doing good, or so i thought. Battling depression was not easy but i thought i was in the clear.
A month ago my teeth started falling out. I’ve lost 2 to cavities and i might lose a 3rd one, and today i got some results that state that i’m morbidly obese.. wich is now endangering my current job (a job i finally manage after more than 2 years being jobless). I was sent to see a cardiologist.. the medical bills keep piling one after the other and it’s so overwhelming to BE like this today. I really never realized i was this fat, and i hate myself for it.
This is the fallout of depression that nobody talks about. The consequences.. i remember a time when i barely got out of bed, weeks at a time, sometimes i didn’t eat let alone brush my teeth, other days i ate insane ammounts of fast foods.. and i don’t know.. i just don’t know how will i be able to lose all this weight. I work a full time job and i get home to online classes.. I’m spending 18+ hours in front of my laptop 5 days a week, and i have no energy left on weekends, but i want to keep this job, i want to get more experiencie, i want to be healthy but all i see in the mirror is failure. I’m a mess.
I’m sorry about this rant. Just.. i needed to get it out. I don’t want to worry my parents. And if i didn’t let it out i was gonna cry at work, ugh. Also, my english is kinda broken, sorry about that too.