Holly

soft hour

au where soap is medically discharged and doesn’t really have a “purpose” anymore. He enlisted so young, and had been in the military for so long that he’s got no fucking idea what to do next. In the end, he moves in with his oldest sister and her kids after his brother-in-law passes away suddenly.

While getting his feet back under him, he takes up drawing again. More seriously this time than just doodles on paperwork and scribbles on briefing notes. But real illustrations. It starts as a way to keep his hands occupied while idle at home, but then it becomes an actual hobby of his. He gets better and better, watching YouTube tutorials to learn things he wouldn’t have picked up otherwise.

It’s his 15 year old niece that gets everything rolling. She (without his knowledge) sets up a social media account to share his art. But a very specific series of art. See, he started illustrating the stories his 5 year old nephew told him. And the art, just like the stories, are mindblowing. Soap didn’t do it for recognition, but his niece insisted on sharing his work with the world.

The account starts to get a following, and when his niece shows it to him he nearly has a breakdown. But then he sees the comments. Parents of kids who feel seen in his art. Young self taught artists feeling seen through him. A whole community of people who connected with his work on such a deeper level than anything he’d expected. So, begrudgingly, he lets her continue to post.

Then comes the storefront. With prints and merch and all sorts of wild ass things he’d never dreamed of. And while the income is modest, it still an income. For a while, a part of him had felt guilty for “mooching” off his sister (despite her protests to the contrary) and now he can really start contributing to the household. Plus, a little bit of each sale gets squirreled away for his niece and nephew. Since without them, this whole thing wouldn’t be happening.

And then the email comes. It’s innocuous at first, something he’s gotten a number of times. The sender asks him if he’s willing to illustrate for an upcoming project with a children’s book author. They’d seen his work online and thought his style would match perfectly with the book. Initially, soap was going to politely decline the offer. As much as he’d come to accept the minor fame he’d gotten online, he didn’t think he was good enough to actually illustrate something for a traditional publication. But then he sees the sender’s signature.

S. Riley.

Not much was known about Riley as a person. Their personal life, much like their first name, was kept down tight under lock and key. But their books were beloved by so many, including Soap and his family. Riley wrote on topics that not a lot of other children’s book authors dared to touch, and not with the deft and delicate hand necessary to properly tackle them. Things like parental abuse, neglect, trauma, death; there wasn’t a subject Riley was scared of, and there wasn’t a subject that they handled with anything less than the utmost grace. Their book on dealing with grief and loss had gotten Soap’s niblings (and his sister, to be perfectly honest) through those first few months after their father’s death.

So, despite his misgivings and anxieties, soap accepts.

(Across the country, one Simon Riley waits with bated breath to see if his nephew Joseph’s (and his) mysterious favorite artist will say yes. For no other reason than professional curiosity. It definitely has nothing to do with the briefest glimmer of a bright blue eye caught in the corner of a recent post.)

My job now is to outlive that man.

I will outlive him. I will be here when he is gone. I will be here when he has been erased. I will be here, telling stories, loving my wife, protecting my friends and family, cherishing joy and kindness and diversity. I will be here. He will not. It is only a matter of time.

hate coming to terms with things. i should be able to cast a fireball instead

knotted tdick... if u even care....

Have a vent sketch with ghoap cuz they gotta suffer when i do and i dont have time for more than a sketch

sleepy Ghoap part of a page of sketches im doing as a break from uni work. I'll end up posting the rest it just might take a while

Soap’s workout attire is questionable at times…

(Thanks Pinterest)

stole this meme from a motogp thing and laughed so hard i nearly hurt myself

Simon is slow to share his past with Johnny, but sometimes he'll share memories that are 'safe'.

One memory he shares is about the cuddly toy he had as a little boy. His grandmother gave it to him when he was still in nappies, and he'd kept it for years after she passed because it reminded him of her.

"Bloody thing was ugly as sin," he'd muttered, describing it. "S'posed t'be a penguin, but it had bald patches an' a missin' eye, beak all chewed up an' smashed in its face." He huffed a laugh. "Kinda like mine is now."

When Johnny asked what became of it, a pained look crossed Simon's face, a slight blush riding high on his cheeks.

"Guess I was close t'ten. Still had the ratty ol' thing, kept it hidden under the mattress. Sometimes I'd get it out if I had a bad dream. Helped me get back t'sleep." He shrugged, embarrassed. "Was too old t'be sleepin' with cuddlies, least tha's wha' m'dad said. He caught me wiff it one night, took it away, ripped it apart. Tol' me only babies slept with cuddlies."

He went quiet for a moment, then blew out a breath. "Tha' old teddy on the bookshelf, tha' was yers?"

"Aye. Da bought in a gift shop fer me after mam had me. Had ever since."

Simon nodded. "'S good ya kept it."

Three weeks later, Johnny's on loan to another task force and calls Simon, who's at home. During their video call, he spies his old teddy bear poking out of the bedcovers near Simon. He doesn't say anything, but it chokes Johnny up.

Next mission they're apart, it's Simon who's out and Johnny's home. He calls to check in to find that Johnny's relaxing in bed, drawing. Perched on Simon's pillow beside him is a brand new plushie, a fuzzy black and white penguin with yellow feet and beak.

"Wha's tha' on the pillow?"

Johnny grabs it and holds it in front of the camera, grinning wide. "Saw it an' it reminded me of ye. Had t'get it. Sleep wi' him while yer gone. Makes me feel better."

They ended up buying each other tinier versions to keep tucked away in a pocket when on assignment.

And no one dares say anything to the scary lieutenant when they see him sleeping with a wee bear clutched in his hand.

-

thsi is literally fucking killing me

Soap calls Ghost "pumpkin".

porn isn't evil or misogynistic you just grew up culturally christian and are scared of sex

like yeah it can be a brutal industry and i don't want to minimize the issue of people being filmed or sexualized against their will but like. dudes making sex tapes together isn't going to kill you. sex workers performing or offering full service because it's their job and they like having money isn't a social justice issue you need to get red-faced and give yourself a migraine about. all work and employment is exploitation, the porn industry isn't special, you're just uncomfortable with it because you haven't unpacked your prejudices toward sex workers.

i have a degree in film and pornography was part of the curriculum when i was in university. we studied porn as a legitimately recognized body genre and a medium of art and entertainment. it's just sex on film. like im a genre abolitionist in many ways but you can't claim that porn isn't a real genre of film and tv, you'd have an army of academics frothing at the mouth eager to explain to you exactly how and why you are wrong.

my degree course was taught primarily by gay men and lesbians btw. an older butch woman led the porn modules. i have terfs in the notes of some of my other posts claiming that porn is just a result of sex depraved pervert men and i just want to add that it doesn't matter who is making or consuming or talking about the porn. you are going to find people of all genders and sexualities and experiences or lack thereof who have their own relationship to pornography and tacking "but icky cishet men that just think about sex all the time!!!" onto your tags doesn't make your aversion to sex any more socially justified

also if you seriously think that someone filming themselves fucking is a form of misogyny you might be a bit stupid.

"Sex workers are often exploited!" yeah workers in a great many industries are. Workers in all industries should be protected, including sex work. Pretending sex is somehow special and sex work is not real work does not help exploited workers.