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Some crap

@suspiciouscoconut / suspiciouscoconut.tumblr.com

might be human. this blog used to entertain my brother, hope it entertains everyone else
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mens-rights-activia
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dykecadence

every moment of every day i am thinking about this tiktok

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purrfectly

Lumpfish come in a variety of shapes and colors.

[He scoops up the fish, it spits water and he turns it toward the camera]

This one is stumpy and green. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is what a normal lumpfish looks like. It is more elongated, but still a vibrant blue color. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is one of the stumpiest ones we have. Its hump is very high. It is very stumpy, but yet very beautiful, and very powerful.

[He pans over a lot of fish, all looking up at the camera]

My fish army is ever growing, and soon I will over throw the world. Very beautiful, very powerful.

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saint-batrick

because of this tiktok, i frequently murmur "very beautiful, very powerful" at myself, and i cannot recommend it enough.

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casualcarnage
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reblogged
bearwytch
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yetanothergreyjedi

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

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ashtraythief
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luulapants

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

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whetstonefires

crane husband.....

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roach-works

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

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alex51324

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

  • Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  
  • As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  
  • It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  
  • Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  
  • The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
  • They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   
  • Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  
  • Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  
  • Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  
  • It worked!  
  • Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  
  • However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
  • Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  
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thesylverlining

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

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anais-ninja-bitch

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

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largishcat
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eshlimoriarty
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lazorsandparadox

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

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queersatanic

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

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worldheritageposts-official

World Heritage Post

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reblogged
gallusrostromegalus
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honeybeeofficial

CRAB CRAB CRAB

This was my first time working with leather because I got a burning desire for a bag shaped like a horseshoe crab. It has two zippered compartments, and an adjustable strap so it can be worn at my side as a cross-body bag or on my back more like a backpack.

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reblogged
thecalmissar
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notbluechild

“nobody wants to work anymore” and then you get autorejected by the AI reading your resume before it ever reaches a human because it doesn’t contain the right buzzword. “nobody wants to work anymore” and you have to submit a cover letter but you get instantly rejected anyway for answering a question the wrong way. no they won’t tell you what the right way is. “nobody wants to work anymore” but companies are posting fake job postings to look like they’re growing to impress investors. “nobody wants to work anymore” but you get ghosted only to be rejected six months later by an automated email. “nobody wants to work anymore” I hope you are ejected into the void of space

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