I Need a Hero!

James T Kirk would fistfight William Shatner on sight but he would give Chris Pine a kiss on the mouth

I have a lot of respect for the guy who did the study about wolves, the one that came up with "alpha wolves". Because normally when you fuck up science, it just causes some delays and occasional pop-sci nonsense.

Dude fucked up science so badly he invented an entire new genre of pornography. I can only dream of being so influential.

Jason, reading a newspaper: "Holy shit. Lex Luthor's name is Alexander? I had no idea..."

Tim: "What, you thought his parents just named him Lex?"

Jason, shrugging: "Well, yeah. Parents are always calling their kids dumb shit. Look at Dick."

Tim: "...You know Dick is short for Richard, right?"

Jason, setting his paper down: "What."

Bruce: Hey boys, what was that bang-

Bruce: …this room used to have four walls.

Jason: I told you he’d notice

Bruce: Anyway, I better get this one home. See you, Superman.

Jason, a 6’4 anti hero crime fighting machine who threw down with Batman multiple times, sleepy as fuck: No! No no no no

Bruce, carrying him like a toddler: Yes ~

imagine being Oliver Queen and thinking you had exclusive rights to the “billionaire secret vigilante who disappeared for several years and came back trained to save his city” background. and then one day, Batman’s mask finally slips (or, more likely, he let it slip) and Oliver has to go walk it off because what. Bruce did the same thing as him? except he founded the Justice League on top of it all like the smug overachiever he secretly always was, that motherfucker—

Jason's emergency contact is "anyone but Bruce" but folks only read "Bruce" and call him anyway

He catches wise after a while and changes it to "Dick" and everyone assumes he means the mean one and goes "who would Jason refer to as a dick" and *still* call Bruce

the day i finally release my inhibitions and feel the rain on my skin it’s over for you bitches

the thing about being a self-professed slut is that people really, really don’t want the details. Bruce Wayne limps into a boardroom at Wayne Enterprises, makes finger guns at Lucius Fox, and loudly says rough night with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

suddenly no one in that room is pressing him for details. they absolutely don’t want further illustration of whatever encounter Wayne had last night, and that’s exactly why they ignore the clearly broken and taped ribs, the way the limp is a strained ankle and not something else, the puffiness to his nose that suggests someone hit him in the face with a closed fist, multiple times. one look at that suggestive, playboy smile and the rest of the details fade away.

not quite sure what to do with this hc, but it's pretty likely Bruce Wayne would be struck from almost any jury/jury duty simply because he's a crime victim, and a very prominent crime victim who would taint the jury pool simply by being there. and even if it was a civil jury, he'd probably be struck simply for being too prominent of a local figure with complicated investments/conflicts of interest.

— Unknown

— Unknown

Honestly Bruce's mental health is like that one physics question in exam you solve three times and get three different answers each time. Motherfucker just keeps getting new trauma Outta Nowhere, you never know what it is