One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”

The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”

I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.

The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.” 

this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor

The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry 

*forgets what I just said while it’s still coming out of my mouth*

new pick up line

I think shinji needs to get in the fuckin robot

because I just spotted an angel

The sad truth

I didn’t understand the boring message of this picture i thought it was an important message about how all the kites made nowadays are too damn small

Party cleric after the party sorcerer said “apocalypse” instead of “apothecary” (via outofcontextdnd)

flirting with a man at a bar

me: hey lemme see ur phone I’ll put my number in

unsuspecting fool: hahah sure *hands me his phone*

me: *transfers his entire Pokemon Go team to myself*

fool: what the fuck?

me: *rips my jacket open to reveal a sensible tee with a large bedazzled letter R* TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVISTA–

when ur hatereading someone’s blog and you come across something pretty fucked up but you cant say anything about it because then everyone will know that you’ve been hatereading and you have to uphold your good neighborly reputation 

u can’t stop me

me nd my witch gf

me: girl U so hexy her: *turns me into a peanut*

*me looking at a really nsfw drawing* i really like how they drew the hands

I need to get laid

To rest. Put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend