going a little insane thinking of a non-pennywise au there the losers never separate and they do grow up together but richie and eddie never get together because eddie is never able to accept his own sexuality and richie never acts on his feelings because "i have a crush on you, but i don’t want to tell you that, so i’m going to push you away. but man, if he made the first move, that’d be the best thing ever" (bill hader i'll kill you myself) and so they grow up as best friends who love each other in more than a best friend's way and never knew that the feeling is mutual.
and so they grow up and live as adults and one day eddie tells the losers all about his new girlfriend, myra, and richie dies a little on the inside, but he plays the part of supportive friend and tries to pretend that he doesn't hate myra from the moment he meets her.
but then a few years go by and now they're engaged. richie is of course invited to the wedding and of course part of the wedding party, even though in these past few years richie and eddie have grown a little apart. something about eddie thinking that richie had changed, he always seemed a little standoffish these days, but eddie never connected the dots that he only acted that way when myra was brought along. he never connected the dots that richie only acted that way because he didn't know how to handle the fact that the love of his life was in love with someone else. but eddie was getting married- this was supposed to be the best day of his life, of course he wanted richie there, even though myra didn't.
even when richie is acting weird at the wedding, eddie shrugs it off. god knows he has more important things to worry about than richie being moody in the corner. for example, he has to make sure that each and every table centrepiece is placed perfectly, god forbid a tulip is out of place or myra would have a meltdown. he has to double and triple make sure that the catering company is making the correct menu, because god forbid myra doesn't get her gluten-free, low carb, zero-sugar dinner.
and he has to try his best to ignore the feelings of doubt burning in his stomach. a feeling of... should i be doing this? he's sure it's just normal wedding nerves.
until richie finds him in his dressing room. they begin to chat, and as richie starts to ramble on about their childhood, reminiscing on the "good old days" and talking about how he can't believe they're both grown up now, eddie can smell the alcohol on his breath. he also realizes that this is the first time they have been alone in a while, and eddie finds it almost... awkward. he had spent a majority of his life loving richie, and even more time trying to pretend that he didn't. he wasn't even sure that he had stopped loving richie, just that he had done a very good job at pretending. but he loved myra now, and besides, him and richie never would have worked out.
that is, until richie lets out a laugh that sounds more dejected than joyful, and eddie's heart sinks as richie says, "i can't believe you're actually getting married. you know, i've never told anyone before, but i actually had a crush on you when we were kids."
eddie's frozen. surely richie didn't just say that, he must be hearing things wrong, but he can't muster anything up except a weak "what?"
richie shrugs casually, as if he hadn't just dropped the biggest bombshell of eddie's life and repeats, "yeah, man, we were probably 13, 14. i had a little crush on you. you know, just one of those little kid crushes. it wasn't a big deal. anyways, it's crazy that you're getting married now."
oh, except it was. richie said something more, but eddie wasn't listening, not when richie let out a tipsy laugh or clapped him on the shoulder or when he left the room. all eddie could think about were those words:
from those words, all eddie could hear was he liked me. he liked me back. it wasn't one-sided. i wasn't crazy for thinking maybe he could like me too. but it's too late. it's too late. it's too late.
eddie looks at himself in the mirror. he's wearing the suit he had specifically bought to get married in. he's wearing the tie that myra had picked out for him. he's wearing a boutonniere of the same flower from the bouquet that his soon-to-be wife would be walking down the aisle with.
and all he can think about is richie tozier. all he can think about is how the person he had loved his entire life, had had feelings for him too. and maybe, just maybe, if eddie had acted on his own feelings fifteen years ago, that things could have been different.
the door opens. it's bill, his best man, letting him know that it was time. "you ready?" bill asks. eddie isn't, but he nods.
because it's too late. it's too late.
