thanks for your shitty take, soul surfer 🤪

I found this on tiktok and I laughed so hard so I thought I’d share on here

It’s so chaotic I love it

just so you guys are all aware, the only reason gritty exists is allegedly because the NHL made a rule that every team HAD to have a mascot and were apparently assholes about it. so the fliers made him as a chaotic fuck you. hell the first tweet made on his official account was a “sleep with one eye open” threat towards another mascot for making fun of his design

Also, he collects crystals

if youre ever feeling bad just look at pictures of albatross chicks bc theyre adorable but also fucking hilarious like the parents look like they go to pta meetings in full makeup carrying gucci handbags and the babies look like funky little muppets and i love them

dont speak to me or my versace dress or my son ever again

Just a gentle reminder for tumblr users with anxiety, panic disorders or who get nervous quickly: 

- Chain mail, “reblog this or..” posts etc. don’t work. They’re not real. Nothing bad will happen if you don’t forward that mail or reblog that post. 

- “If you don’t reblog this, you’re a bad person” is a lie. You’re not a bad person for not clicking a button. 

- You are allowed to unfollow blogs that post triggering contents. 

- You’re not weak or a crybaby for avoiding things that are triggering. Far from it, you’re taking care of yourself. That’s amazing! 

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

please give us updates

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

op will not die of natural causes

That’s the most interesting comment anyone has ever left on one of my posts

Diego and Grace ✨ | Pogo and Vanya

norway’s curling team is appropriately dressed for valentine’s day

day 2: norway is still slaying the pants game

day 3: pants game is still on top

day 4: still impressive

day 5: another day another trouser

day 6: they have yet to wear one pair twice

Okay so I already reblogged this once but I’m reblogging again because I just watched a short documentary about these pants.

Apparently back at their first Olympics appearance, they (especially Chris Svae, the ginger who plays second) were pretty disappointed with their gear because the gear didn’t look flattering. They couldn’t change the shirts because of Norway federation sponsorships so they started looking for pants to wear. They had a hard time finding pants that both looked respectable enough for professional curling and stretchy enough to allow curling, and promptly gave up on finding pants that were both stretchy and professional.

Chris Svae ended up finding pants that were Norway-colors-ish that looked comfortable enough for curling, but had crazy patterns. People at Olympics were not happy about this because PATTERNS AREN’T RESPECTABLE ENOUGH, so they were conflicted. But the night before the opening ceremony, they were hanging out with a bunch of lady skiiers. Chris at some point just takes off his pants and put on the crazy pants they bought and asks “Do you think we should wear these pants” and the skiers were like “he’ll yeah you should totally do it”

So they wore the crazy pants to play in the Olympics, and a few days later the website where they bought the pants crashed. The owner of the website visited them in Vancouver for the Olympics, and then decided to sponsor the team.

And now, 8 years layer, the Norwegian team has a different pair of pants for each match. Including a Valentine’s day pair.

This is a neutral post

Feel free to stop here and rest before journeying to the posts below.

spreading these occasionally would be nice…

As someone with major anxiety who can’t fucking stop themself from scrolling, i appreciate posts like this

Why would you stop this genius system? Just start paying the raccoons and call it a day

Unionize the raccoons.

i express all of my emotions by saying “fuck” in varying tones

It occurred to Pooh and Piglet that they hadn’t heard from Eeyore for several days, so they put on their hats and coats and trotted across the Hundred Acre Wood to Eeyore’s stick house. Inside the house was Eeyore.

“Hello Eeyore,” said Pooh.

“Hello Pooh. Hello Piglet,” said Eeyore, in a Glum Sounding Voice.

“We just thought we’d check in on you,” said Piglet, “because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.”

Eeyore was silent for a moment. “Am I okay?” he asked, eventually. “Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.”

Pooh looked and Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“We’re sitting here with you,” said Pooh, “because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.”

“Oh,” said Eeyore. “Oh.” And the three of them sat there in silence, and while Pooh and Piglet said nothing at all; somehow, almost imperceptibly, Eeyore started to feel a very tiny little bit better.

Because Pooh and Piglet were There. No more; no less.

~ Kathryn Wallace

I HATE THIS

“HE’S CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE”

CARRD MASTERLIST

here is a carrd for BLM 

here is a carrd for the crisis happening right now in Yemen

here is a carrd for Hong Kong

here is a carrd for Palestine.

here is a carrd for trans rights 

here is a carrd for the terror bill in Philippines. 

here is a carrd with various donation links (for Syria, BLM etc)

here is a carrd for LGBT+ rights

this post is constantly being updated - please send an ask if you find more!

NOTE: There are many more Carrds under the cut. This post would become too long if I added more and for the sake of easier access, I put the rest under cut!!

Keep reading

The best part is the fact that out of the two of them Martha Stewart was the one who went to prison.

Wait…what?

Wiiiiild. He did commit murder (in self defense - no judging) and America‘s Best Housewife was sent to jail because of insider trading, securities fraud, obstruction of justice and conspiracy. This is wiiiiiild 😄😄😄

also he has every right to make fun of kanye west considering snoop has had a successful career for about two decades including his own cookbook and appearing in movies whereas kanye is a flat earther who had to crowdfund another album because he ran out of money despite kim kardashian being with him, not having the money to produce another album should be the metric when you know you can tell a musician has failed somewhere in either money management or actually being a musician rather then a famous trainwreck

snoop dogg is a good man who loves cooking, nature, and supporting the dreams of young children in poverty. kanye west helped get trump elected.

seriously though check out his cookbook its beautiful

and filled with lgiht humor, legit cooking, and charming life stories

Whenever I think about snoop I remember that episode of cribs where he lived in an unusually modest house compared to everyone else on that show, spent the entire time with his young daughter hugging onto his leg and dragging her around as he walked. He even talked about how he didn’t want his kids to be musicians and that he just wants them to have a chance at a normal life / he doesn’t wish music career drama on anyone

The dude is mega down to earth for having a networth of 135 million dollars and staying relevant for longer than some of the top charting musicians have been alive

he says he keeps a supply of poptarts in the house for his nieces/nephews and grandkids but admits theyre really for him and then goes on to discuss what selection of condiments your fridge should have to jazz up leftover takeout hes one of the most thoroughly human humans ive ever known of

Doesn’t he also coach football for kids, and stops smoking during the season to set a good example for the kids?

all these people going on about how Hozier is the peak representation of musical soft masculinity when Snoop has been out here rocking the smoothest braids and most hype manicures for decades

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

hnn I WANT IT SO BAD

on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!

IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

now we enter the testing phase

yup. looks good.

Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?

OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement

*roar sound effect*

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help

(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)

There’s more!

I love.

I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!

(just fine)

Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures

OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card

Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)

so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.

it’s been a few weeks, I suppose we should check up on the AHSGSHGAFB?!

ajdhf.

well that’s just,,,

REXCELLENT

a year ago today, I stopped in the toy section of Target and made an extremely good decision about purchasing a plastic dinosaur with my adult money.

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, WEXTER!

now, like we practiced.

eASy,,,,

happy birthday Wex, here’s hoping our next year is

TOTALLY JAWSOME

Okay so I’m pretty sure Wexter is magical. I’ve seen her many times, but I’ll go long periods of times with a sad, Wex-less existence. But without fail, every time I’m having a really bad day, a post about Wexter will pop up on one of my social media feeds and remind me that their is good in the World.

I want them to catch a glimpse of the devil

Chris Evans | BTS | The Avengers