Me: Teenagers today are so overexposed to swear words, all media is filled with them so no wonder they say them every two seconds. When I was their age we barely ever heard those words so we barely ever said them.
Me, listening to an unearthed random cassette! tape!! recording that my bff made at a party in 1988: Well okay, fuck me
“What a place! What a situation! What kind of man in his right mind would elect a known criminal to a higher branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.”
— Going Postal, Terry Pratchett (via breadcrumbsandstars)
Some nice Pratchettian turns of phrase from The Truth that I had floating around.
He stunned two sausages, enbunned them, and thrust them forward. — Terry Pratchett, The Truth
(ENBUNNED)
"This is getting worse and worse," said Sacharissa. "It gives me the humorous vegetables." — Terry Pratchett, The Truth
(WILLIES ftlog Sir Terry)
"There's a good…" he began, and finished, "… dog?" "Yip yipyip sheesh yip," said the dog, and walked off. — Terry Pratchett, The Truth
(Gaspode, as you no doubt guessed)
A tin of what had once been enamel paint took off from the blazing mess, spinning with a wzipwzip noise, and exploded on the press. — Terry Pratchett, The Truth
(WZIPWZIP I mean he just sticks that right in there like it's a word. And so it is!)
"I have presented a writ of Exco Carco Cum Nihil Pretii on the basis of Olfacere Violarum and Sini Plenus Piscis. Tomorrow I shall move that you are Ab Hamo, and in the event of this not working I—" "Smelling of Violets," said William, who had been translating in his head, "and Pockets Full of Fish?" "Based on a case some six hundred years ago when the defendant successfully pleaded that, although he had indeed pushed the victim into a lake, the man came out with his pockets full of fish, to his net benefit," said Mr. Slant crisply. "In any case, I shall argue that if withholding information from the Watch is a crime, every person in the city is guilty." — Terry Pratchett, The Truth
(The law would be way more interesting if all of the stuffy Latin legal terms translated to things like Pockets Full of Fish, just saying)
Religion in Small Gods. There's so much to think about in this book.
"But you never told any of the prophets that people should be kind to animals," he said. "I don't remember anything about that. Not when you were… bigger. You don't want people to be kind to animals because they're animals, you just want people to be kind to animals because one of them might be you." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"There is no other god but you. You told Ossory that." "Well. You know. I exaggerated a bit." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"Sounds like a miracle to me," croaked Brutha. "Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
He heard Om, slightly peevish, say: "People've got to believe in something. Might as well be gods. What else is there?" -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"That's why gods die. They never believe in people." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"You can die for your country or your people or your family, but for a god you should live fully and busily, every day of a long life." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"Will you go to hell if you have a drop of spirit?" he said. "So it seems," said Simony, absently. Then he noticed the flask. "Oh, you mean alcohol? Probably. But who cares? I won't be able to get near the fire for priests. Thanks." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
So I thought it would be fun to reread all of the Discworld books that I haven't read in 10+ years, and as long as I was doing that, why not write some posts with my favorite quotes and stuff. Not a super original idea, but. More #GNU Terry Pratchett in the world can only be a positive thing.
However, I may have slightly underestimated how many "favorite" quotes I have from these books. You know how you can open a Terry Pratchett book to any random page and there will be a great quote or two. So, um. I've accumulated somewhat of a... backlog at this point, and I'm a little afraid to start reading the next book because my lists keep getting longer.
All of which is to say, here's some more from Equal Rites! Witches vs. Wizards, because this is fascinating lore and only the early books (to my memory) really get into it.
"It's a witch's hat because you wear it. But you're a witch because you wear the hat. Um." "So—" prompted Granny. "So people see you coming in the hat and the cloak and they know you're a witch and that's why your magic works?" said Esk. "That's right," said Granny. "It's called headology." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"If men were witches, they'd be wizards. It's all down to—" she tapped her head "—headology. How your mind works. Men's minds work different from ours, see. Their magic's all numbers and angles and edges and what the stars are doing, as if that really mattered. It's all power. It's all—" Granny paused, and dredged up her favorite word to describe all she despised in wizardry, "—jommetry." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
(to be clear I don't agree with the Granny's premise that men's brains are fundamentally different from women's but, well, neither does the book)
"I don't actually think people can see it, but the crystal shows it. I think it's magic, condensing out of the air." "Into the staff?" "Yes. That's what a wizard's staff does. It sort of distills magic." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
(...cooooool)
Its lifting spells had worn so thin that it wouldn't even begin to operate until it was already moving at a fair clip. It was, in fact, the only broomstick ever to need bump-starting. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
The fact is that minds of wizards can give thoughts a shape. Witches normally work with what actually exists in the world, but a wizard can, if he's good enough, put flesh on his imagination. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
(!!)
Then the images began to flicker as shape replaced shape. Stroboscope shadows danced around the hall. A magical wind sprang up, thick and greasy, striking octarine sparks from beards and fingers. In the middle of it all Esk, peering through streaming eyes, could just make out the two figures of Granny and Cutangle, glossy statues in the midst of the hurtling images. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
(I can't do justice to the magical duel between Granny Weatherwax and Archchancellor Cutangle with just a short quote, but it's amazing)
"This is getting embarrassing," said Cutangle, out of the corner of his mouth. "I shall have to declare you an honorary wizard." Granny stared straight ahead and her lips hardly moved. "You do," she hissed, "and I will declare you an honorary witch." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
(they're both absolutely horrified, perfect characterization)
Philosophy in Small Gods:
"I'd like a Number Nine pot and some string, please," said the old man. "Yes sir, Mr. Legibus." The potter reached under his counter and pulled out a towel. The naked man took it in an absent-minded way. Brutha got the feeling that this had happened to both of them before. "And a level of infinite length and, um, an immovable place to stand," said Legibus, drying himself off. "What you see is what I got, sir. Pots and general household items, but a bit short on axiomatic mechanisms." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"If you spend your whole time thinking about the universe, you tend to forget the less important bits of it. Like your pants. And ninety-nine out of a hundred ideas they come up with are totally useless." "Why doesn't anyone lock them away safely, then? They don't sound much use to me," said Brutha. "Because the hundredth idea," said Om, "is generally a humdinger." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
Brutha looked panicky. "How do I find a philosopher?" he said. "Around here? Throw a brick, I should think." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
The one called Xeno stepped forward, adjusting the hang of his toga. "That's right," he said. "We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am." "Are," said the luckless paradox manufacturer automatically. Xeno spun around. "I've just about had it up to here with you, Ibid!" he roared. He turned back to Brutha. "We are, therefore we am," he said confidently. "That's it." Several of the philosophers looked at one another with interest. "That's actually quite interesting," one said. "The evidence of our existence is the fact of our existence, is that what you're saying?" "Shut up," said Xeno, without looking around. -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
Other philosophers asked questions like: Is Truth Beauty, and is Beauty Truth? and: Is Reality Created by the Observer? But Didactylos posed the famous philosophical conundrum: "Yes, But What's It Really All About, Then, When You Get Right Down To It, I Mean Really!" -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
(I've said it before but this is very Douglas Adams coded)
DIDACTYLOS and Nephew Practical Philosophers No Proposition Too Large "We Can Do Your Thinking For You" Special Rates after 6 pm Fresh Axioms Every Day -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"Wisdom of the ages, this," said Didactylos. "Got to write a book, see, to prove you're a philosopher. Then you get your scroll and free official philosopher's loofah." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"But is all this true?" said Brutha. Didactylos shrugged. "Could be. Could be. We are here and it is now. The way I see it is, after that, everything tends towards guesswork." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"You can't believe in Great A'Tuin," he said. "Great A'Tuin exists. There's no point in believing in things that exist." "Someone's put up their hand," said Urn. "Yes?" "Sir, surely only things that exist are worth believing in?" said the enquirer, who was wearing a uniform of a sergeant of the Holy Guard. "If they exist, you don't have to believe in them," said Didactylos. "They just are." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
Presenting Eskarina Smith, the Discworld's first female wizard. If you're going to do something that's never been done, it helps to have an absolutely rock-solid belief in yourself.
According to the standard poetic instructions one should move through a fair like the white swan at evening moves o'er the bay, but because of certain practical difficulties Esk settled for moving through the crowds like a small dodgem car, bumping from body to body with the tip of the staff waving a yard above her head. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"If you make yourself useful you can stay. And can you play a musical instrument?" Esk returned his steady gaze, not batting an eyelid. "Probably." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Esk, of course, had not been trained, and it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Can't you read, Esk?" The astonishment in his voice stung her. "I expect so," she said defiantly. "I've never tried." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"You're wizards!" she screamed. "Bloody well wizz!" -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Bonus: Simon, because there isn't a whole lot of him in the book but this description is beautiful. In a way.
Simon did everything inexpertly. He was really good at it. He was one of those tall lads apparently made out of knees, thumbs, and elbows. Watching him walk was a strain, you kept waiting for the strings to snap, and when he talked the spasm of agony on his face if he spotted an S or W looming ahead in the sentence made people instinctively say them for him. It was worth it for the grateful look which spread across his acned face like sunrise on the moon. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
-- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
In Pratchett-induced head-slap moments: I recognized that Necrotelicomnicon was a play on Necronomicon (Book of the Dead) when I first read Equal Rites, and that the named gods were spoofing things like C'thulhu, but. It took me until my recent rereading ~30 years later to look up the translation for the Latin.
It's.
...The Book of Yellow Pages.
(ouch, and thank you Sir Terry may I have another)
Have some Granny Weatherwax wit and wisdom and Bad Ass-ery. It's amazing how fully-formed her character was right from (practically) the very beginning of Discworld, in Equal Rites.
"If you can't learn to ride an elephant, you can at least learn to ride a horse." "What's an elephant?" "A kind of badger," said Granny. She hadn't maintained forest-credibility for forty years by ever admitting ignorance. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"That's one form of magic, of course." "What, just knowing things?" "Knowing things that other people don't know," said Granny. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"You're a bit young for this," she said, "but as you grow older you'll find most people don't set foot outside their own heads much. You too," she added gnomically. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
She had got "diuerse" out of the Almanack, which she read every night. It was always predicting "diuerse plagues" and "diuerse ill-fortune." Granny wasn't entirely sure what it meant, but it was a damn good word all the same. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
But Granny had spent a lifetime bending recalcitrant creatures to her bidding and, while Esk was a surprisingly strong opponent, it was obvious that she would give in before the end of the paragraph. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Granny, meanwhile, was two streets away. She was also, by the standards of normal people, lost. She would not see it like that. She knew where she was, it was just that everywhere else didn't. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Yes," lied Granny, whose grasp of geography was slightly worse than her knowledge of subatomic physics. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"No, I could tell he was telling the truth. You know, Granny, you can tell how--" "Foolish child. All you could tell was that he thought he was telling the truth. The world isn't always as people see it." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Um, women aren't allowed in," said Esk. Granny stopped in the doorway. Her shoulders rose. She turned around very slowly. "What did you say?" she said. "Did these old ears deceive me, and don't say they did because they didn't." "Sorry," said Esk. "Force of habit." "I can see you've been getting ideas below your station," said Granny coldly. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Granny smiled grimly. It was the sort of smile that wolves ran away from. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Anyway, you walk wrong for rain." "I beg your pardon?" "You go all hunched up, you fight it, that's not the way. You should--well, move between the drops." And, indeed, Granny seemed to be merely damp. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
Granny adjusted her hat and straighted up purposefully. "Right," she said. Cutangle swayed. The tone of voice cut through him like a diamond saw. He could dimly remember being scolded by his mother when he was small; well, this was that voice, only refined and concentrated and edged with little bits of carborundum, a tone of command that would have a corpse standing to attention and could probably have marched it halfway across its cemetery before it remembered it was dead. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Yes, but is it safe?" Granny gave him a withering look. "Do you mean in the absolute sense?" she asked. "Or, say, compared with staying behind on a melting ice floe?" -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"Right," she said, in a tone of voice that suggested the whole universe had just better watch out. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
"I know. The building told me." "Yes, I was meaning to ask about that," said Cutangle, "because you see it's never said anything to me and I've lived here for years." "Have you ever listened to it?" "Not exactly listened, no," Cutangle conceded. "Not as such." -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
One of my favorite Discworld tropes is normal (ish) prose written in the style of religious texts, because I don't know*. Definitely I love it when writing mixes it up a bit, yay for not sticking to the usual sentence/paragraph structure all the time. I remember being gobsmacked as a kid when I read, I think, one of the Hitchhiker's books and there was a chapter that consisted of a single word, like whoa, you can do that??
Anyway, there's way too much pseudo-biblespeak in Small Gods to make a comprehensive list, but here are some of my favorites:
Yea, the Great God Om spake again unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!" -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
Once more the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Are you deaf, boy?" -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
He cursed a melon unto the eighth generation, but nothing happened. He tried a plague of boils. The melon just sat there, ripening slightly. -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
"This is good lettuce. And it's me saying it. You don't get lettuce up in the hills. A bit of plantain, a thorn bush or two. Let there be another leaf." Brutha pulled one off the nearest plant. And lo, he thought, there was another leaf. -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
He had smitten good and hard in his time. Now he could just about walk through water and feed the One. -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
VIII. It's Got A Good Ring To It. Hurry Up, I've Got Some Smiting To Do. -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
XV. I Could Destroy You Utterly. "Yes. I am entirely in your power." XVI. I Could Crush You Like An Egg! "Yes." Om paused. Then he said: XVII. You Can't Use Weakness As A Weapon. "It's the only one I've got." -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
VI. This Is Religion, Boy! Not Comparison Bloody Shopping! You Shall Not Subject Your God To Market Forces! -- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
*Mainly, of course, because it's funny. It's funny up to and including the point where you start thinking about how, in reality, pretty much all religious books probably came about kind of like this, recorded by random people who maybe didn't have the entire context, and included irrelevant bits, and took the whole thing way too seriously.
And then they're passed down through the ages and people make an entire way of life out of them, how can you not laugh.
The thing about The Truth is that it's actually a great action movie. I mean of course it is:
"Do you know what they called a sausage-in-a-bun in Quirm?" said Mr. Pin, as the two walked away. "No?" said Mr. Tulip. "They call it le sausage-in-le-bun." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
But my very favorite scene, the one that reaches out and grabs me, is when Mr. Pin and Mr. Tulip are threatening William in the newsroom, and the realization hits that Goodmountain can secretly communicate with William through typesetting:
Goodmountain's hand moved again, flicking letter after letter from its nest. Armed? coff 4 yes -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
which is brilliant, so there's a silently-planned insurrection with an unexpected denouement that all plays out as if it was filmed in Technicolor with surround sound, teach me your ways, Sir Terry.
And we're only a little over halfway through the book here. There's still time for characters to make light conversation as everything falls apart around them:
"And there's another magazine that would sell, too," said Sacharissa. Behind her, a piece of the press collapsed. "Hello? Hello? I know my mouth is opening and shutting," said Goodmountain. "Is any sound getting out?" "Cats," said Sacharissa. "Lots of people like cats. Pictures of cats. Stories about cats. I've been thinking about it. It could be called... Completely Cats." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
and for Chekhov's Paper Spike to fulfill its purpose, and for Sacharissa to try out some nonstandard negotiation tactics:
"Let us use your 'ing' presses or I'll 'ing' shoot your 'ing' head 'ing' off!" she screamed. "I think that's how you're supposed to say it, isn't it?" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
and for Otto to save the day again:
Otto Chriek dropped to the floor, hands raised like talons. "Good evening!" he said to a shocked bailiff. He looked at his hand. "Oh, vot am I thinking of!" He bunched his fists, and danced from foot to foot. "Put zem up in the traditional Ankh-Morpork pugilism!" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
and for William to get A Talking To from Law Enforcement:
"Fred, send someone to take Mr. de Worde down to the cells, will you?" he yelled. "I'm calling it protective custody for now," he added, turning back to William." "Protecting me from whom?" "Well, I personally have an overwhelming urge to give you a ding alongside the ear," said Vimes. "But I suspect there are others out there without my self-control." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
and for a poignant moment when it's all over:
"I mean, I didn't try to do anything. I thought: This is a Story, and I have to tell it." "Yep," said Sacharissa, still bowed over her writing. "We've been press-ganged." "But it's not--" "Look at it like this," said Sacharissa, starting a fresh page. "Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes." "Yes, but that's not very--" Sacharissa glanced up, and flashed him a smile. "Sometimes they're the same person," she said. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
which, I mean. You see it, right?
Sir Terry Pratchett.
Our hero.
Who thought of Stories, and had to tell them.
Bear with me here because I want to talk about a parallel between a character we hate and a character we love, and I know it's not the same thing in both cases, but also it's kind of hard to explain how it's different.
Lord de Worde:
"He just doesn't believe the ordinary laws apply to him. He really believes they can't touch him, and that if they do he can just shout until they go away." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
Esk:
He tried hinting that she should obey the unwritten rules of Zoon life and stay afloat, but a hint was to Esk what a mosquito bite was to the average rhino because she was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you. -- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
So on the one hand we have an entitled person who believes they're better than everyone else, and on the other hand... well no, actually the first hand is both of them.
To be fair Esk is only (almost) nine, and she does learn a little humility in the course of her hero's journey, and in any case her high opinion of herself is objectively justified.
But here's the thing I don't get.
What, fundamentally, is the difference between being arrogant and being assertive? Both involve asking (or telling) people to make a special case for you.
My hypothesis is that it basically comes down to whether you legitimately deserve to be a special case (assertive) or just think you do (arrogant).
It's clear in the books. Esk does. Lord de Worde just thinks he does.
But how can we possibly know this about ourselves, in real life?
I feel like I'm nothing particularly special, so mostly I follow the rules and don't speak up, and that made sense right up until I realized that my child had internalized my worldview. My child (who is obviously the most special person in the universe!) strives for invisibility.
I mean I'm glad they're not an entitled brat, but sometimes they need to advocate for themself, right?
But again, what's the difference between "entitled brat" and "standing up for yourself"?
How do you manage to have enough self-confidence that people don't walk all over you, but not so much that you tread on others?
How do you make sure get your fair share, without being unfair to everyone else?
I don't actually have an answer. If there is one it's probably in the form of a huge decision tree, because in any situation there are many, many factors that go into whether it makes more sense to push for the special thing you want or take what you get and don't throw a fit.
Just, if you only follow one rule, try this one: Be kind. To yourself, and to everyone else, as much as you can. I don't think it's possible to truly be kind and also be an arrogant entitled brat... or invisible.
I haven't done a Vetinari quote roundup yet. There are a bunch of good ones in The Truth.
The Patrician gave him a cool stare that went on for a couple of seconds beyond the comfort barrier. "Flexibility and understanding have always been my watchwords," he said. "My god, have they?" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"And these are your reasons, my lord?" "Do you think I have others?" said Lord Vetinari, "My motives, as ever, are entirely transparent." Hughnon reflected that "entirely transparent" meant either that you could see right through them or that you couldn't see them at all. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"On the whole, I wish to avoid any low-level difficulties at this time, what with the unsettled situation in Uberwald and the whole Muntab question." "Where is Muntab?" said William. "Exactly." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"I'm sure you will see to it that the printing enterprise stays firmly in the realms of the cult, the canny, and the scrutable. Do I make myself clear?" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"Things that are back to front are often easier to comprehend if they are upside down as well," said Lord Vetinari, tapping his chin with the silver knob of his cane in an absent-minded way. "In life as in politics." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"I have certainly noticed that groups of clever and intelligent people are capable of really stupid ideas," said Lord Vetinari. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
William had thought that Vimes had a blank look, but he'd been wreathed smiles compared to His Lordship when Lord Vetinari wanted to look blank. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"I'm sure we can pull together, sir." Lord Vetinari raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I do hope not, I really do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions." He smiled. "It's the only way to make progress. That, and, of course, moving with the times. Good day to you." -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
I'm so far behind on posts I still want to write about The Truth and Small Gods, but I just started Equal Rites, one of my first favorites although it's been a long time since I last read it, and I just want to take a minute to respect one of the all-time great fantasy/humor book openings. You just can't read this and not want to keep going.
-- Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites
-- Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
I felt like sharing this but I have neither the tools nor skills to do a video edit, so please picture if you can this Irish drinking song about a date at the movies.
S19E1: Wayne Brady, Jonathan Mangum, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles
All: 🎶Ohhhhhh aidy didy didy didy didy didy di🎶 WB: 🎶I took my lady to a movie🎶 JM: 🎶It was a double feature🎶 CM: 🎶The lights went down slowly🎶 RS: *monster hands* 🎶And there was a big creature🎶 WB: *distracted* 🎶I saw her—🎶 Laura Hall: *stops playing piano* Censor guy?: *off-camera* Hold it there, hold it RS: Creature rhymes, what the *bleep*? Creature rhymes with that Censor guy?: *comes onstage and says stuff we can't hear* RS: I moved my hand RS: He said feature and I said creature, that rhymes Aisha: *waves hands* WB: You ever doubted this *bleep* was made up, you're welcome WB: *bows* Laura Hall: *starts playing again* All: 🎶Ohhhhhh aidy didy didy didy didy didy di🎶 WB: 🎶Vamos a pelicula🎶 JM: *somewhat derailed* 🎶That is a language🎶 CM: *more derailed* 🎶And I love to use it🎶 RS: *pointedly* 🎶Look at the CREATURE🎶
Nothing really, just it's always fun to see the Watch through an outside character's eyes.
"Good morning, sergeant," said William. A nod from the troll indicated that he was prepared to accept, on available evidence, that it was morning and, in certain circumstances, by some people, might be considered good. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"They are the facts, sir." "But they're not the right facts! They're stupid facts!" "I know, sir. I can't imagine His Lordship trying to kill anyone." "Are you mad?" said Vimes. "I can't imagine him saying sorry!" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
He gave William a rather-you-than-me look. "But he are not glad about being in a tent, as dey say." "Has he ever been a happy camper?" "Not much," said Detritus, grinning evilly. -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
"Looks like quite a bang he had on his head," William went on. "Does it?" "Look, even I can see this smells funny." "Can you?" "I see," said William. "You went to the Mr. Vimes School of Communication, yes?" "Did I?" said Sergeant Angua. "Loyalty is a wonderful thing." "Is it? The way out is this way--" -- Terry Pratchett, The Truth
