Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

Really hate how “mommy and daddy issues” just a jab at the child and not the parent

Oh, so your parent(s) traumatized you when you were vulnerable and defenseless, and they let you down when you were reliant on them for your emotional needs? Lol idiot.

My ENTIRE world just shifted to the left a bit. Thanks.

My wife: Are you making a list of fonts?

Me: No, worse. I'm replicating the titles of video games but it's the fonts that they're in

My wife: What does that mean

Me: This

some more for you

you cant even begin poems with "i will sodomise and facef uck you" anymore. because of woke .

The time Stormtrooper Larry befriended a stray cat

Now you see, I’ve watched enough cartoons to know that this square of the carpet is on a separate animation cell from the background & therefore something funky will happen if I step on it. You won’t catch me making a rookie mistake like that no sir!

Did you step on it?

I forgot it was there & stepped on it, plummeting through the concealed trapdoor into the cellars. Please send help.

Help it’s on its way!

By the way, are the bricks all the same colour?

I can’t see anything! It’s pitch black down here. All that’s visible is my eyes.

Just make sure there isn’t a second, more dangerous pair of eyes somewhere around yours

Hey

Uh oh!!

fixed a problem at work that i vaguely saw a manager fix once and i did it faster which means that i get to take his skin i get to take his skin i get to take his skin i get to take his skin i get to take his skin i get to take his skin

i comen to get you :D

what’s that noise. 

sounds like a bunch of rocks hitting each other

i’m going to check

the……. gargoyles…. I think they were……. no, it couldn’t be….

Evening Dress

c. 1912-1914

Canadian Museum of History

?

this is how it feels to talk to my parents about my mental health