THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT JOKE

I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND

THIS EPISODE AIRES 43 YEARS AFTER THE ORIGINAL SCOOBY DOO WHERE ARE YOU

TELL ME WHY

AIN’T NOTHIN BUT A HEARTACHE

TELL ME WHY

AIN’T NOTHIN BUT A MIIISTAKE  

TELL ME WHY

I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY

I WANT IT THAT WAY

It was number 5. Number 5 killed my brother.

Oh my god I totally forgot about that

every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up

exCUSE ME.  DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FACE OF A WOMAN WHO’S CONCERNED ABOUT BEING TOO OLD TO BE THE DANCING QUEEN??

Fuck your age, put on your high heeled boots and a pair of overalls and do Meryl Streep proud.

You are the dancing queen.

Hot take: Seventeen is the age at which you get crowned the Dancing Queen.

Being older than that isn’t years away from being the Dancing Queen, it’s how many years your reign has lasted.

This post changed my life.

don’t talk about tumblr outside of tumblr not because it’s some cool elite website but because it’s fucking embarrassing

A forgotten god cannot run my life any worse than I am currently running it myself.

Bog mummy take the wheel

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.

I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.

I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.

This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.

I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead

IT’S BACK!!!!!

Some make this into a comic!!!

THIS IS GLORIOUS

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORIES AND I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG!

This is some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read. These guys are my new heroes.

why DO teenage girls go through a witch/occult phase? I had tarot cards and a spellbook and I knew a group of girls who messed with ouija boards and another who had ghost hunting equipment. “oh yeah Cindy’s just going through that girly phase where she tries to raise the dead.”

theory - we want power and know our culture doesn’t want to give us any?

Addendum: witches are one of the few cultural figures of female empowerment that don’t derive their power from their relationship to a man.

pls stop scrolling for a moment to properly appreciate this oriental shorthair kitten

but like..,.,, will he Grow Into Them????

not really………..

GOOD.

The only memes that will still be understood by people 100000 years from now are Spongebob memes because that show will still be on the air by then.

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)

1.07 | 5.14

musical theatre meme: [2/4] characters.

Discourse: Willy Wonka is Old Testament God

Explain

Sings “if you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it,” then kicks people out for eating stuff he told them not to eat

The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”. I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”

G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N

“To get back to my body”

This is the first time I saw this post with art and I am in tears.

Reblogging again because IT HAS BEEN ILLUSTRATED NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Im actually laughing so hard omg

i really hate it when people say you shouldn’t use the computer or watch tv before going to bed and instead you should read a book because you need winding down time or you won’t sleep. ha ha good one do you know what happens if i start a book before bed?! i end up fucking finishing it that’s what