@strazem on Tumblr

Been awhile since I posted or even logged on

But basically I’ve decided to like... Not do social media as much anymore, if at all. I feel a lot happier for it and clearly I’m not making much progress in changing anyone’s perceptions of me if people are still upset.

Again, like the response before, I do think it would help if people were at least a little more willing to exist in the same space as me if only to see any changes I’ve made that are otherwise hard to showcase on non-chatting platforms but... I don’t know if that’s happening anytime soon.

Again, no ones really directly communicated with me about any of this for years... In fact that seems to be a common theme, a huge lack of communication, to the point where even I’m not exactly sure what the issues still are besides general hurt from my immaturity in the past. And I’m too scared of disrespectfully crossing boundaries to directly contact said people. I don’t want to come across like someone that’s begging to be taken back or unblocked or something. And I don’t want to come across like I’m pestering people either.

I don’t really know what more I can say or do at this point given the blocks, avoidance, and refusal to be in the same servers as me... I’m not really sure how else to show I’ve changed by just making tumblr posts or twitter posts since many of these issues occurred in direct messaging apps.

I mean, if people are interested in communicating with me, try my twitter? But for now I just don’t really see a future for me with tumblr, or in the ososan fandom publicly.

Thanks to everyone that’s read this far or to anyone that still kept up with my stuff though

strazem

Anonymous asked:

Hey, I feel for you, I do. But you don’t get to say that the people you hurt and abused should forgive you or forget about all of that. You hurt people. That’s never going to change. I’ve seen these posts coming from you for years and you haven’t actively shown anyone that you’re seeking redemption. Show us, don’t tell us, if you really want to prove you’re a good person.

I’m not exactly sure how I’m suppose to show anything if I’m blocked by most people and refuse to be given chances. If any time I join a server and people leave or refuse to engage with me, to me that seems like people who don’t want to see anything from me.

I understand too that I’ve hurt people, and that really sucks if people still feel hurt, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s asking a lot for people to try to be a little more understanding if it’s been like four years and logic would dictate that I’ve changed at least a little over the course of four years. No one owes me anything, but at the same time, if people refuse to engage with me again or even tolerate my presence even as just someone that posts in the same tag or something, then that seems like they’ve made their final decision about me.

You say I haven’t actively shown anyone that I’m seeking redemption, but that’s literally all I’ve been trying to do for the past few years... I make these public posts because most people have me blocked or avoid me like the plague.

Ultimately, I reach out publicly because I’m scared to break boundaries or come across as one of those people that pesters people to “unblock” me or something like that.

I don’t have a lot of connections anymore, I don’t have a lot of ways to show anyone anything anymore, I think that’s where I’m most upset. I get the feeling most people have made their final verdict and have me blocked or blacklisted regardless of any change I’ve tried to show.

Because I am 100% genuinely curious how I’m suppose to showcase or show that I’ve actively changed and am trying to make a difference if most people refuse to even be in the same spaces as me, even at a distance...

#Anonymous #asks

strazem reblogged

skelefolk

vicholas

Actually twitter is better than tumblr because I haven’t seen anyone talking about Pui Pui Molcar here

vicholas

Please educate yourselves:

vicholas

The fact that this stop-motion show for kids is currently THE most popular anime show in Japan right now, yet discussions about it are virtually non-existent in English-speaking anime circles reinforces once again my feeling that weebs have shit taste

#I will reblog this one post before taking my break because it is important and i love this so much #molcar #pui pui molcar #cute #wholesome #good video #guinea pig cars #this is what its all about

strazem

Apologies again if making a post like that caused any uncomfortableness. I honestly didn’t intend to stir anything up, though I know that can be the nature of such things...

I’ve decided that rather than making such a snap decision like “stay/leave” social media, I think I’m just going to take a break from it and see what happens

Like a cold turkey break, no checking my blogs, no checking my accounts, ect. And actually using an extension to keep these things blocked in case I get tempted or something as well.

I’m curious to see what taking a full on break will do for my mental health. I will still be active on discord as always, and you are free to chat with me there if you want to keep up. If you would like to be friends on discord, ask me for my discord tag through my curious cat !

#//lovethoughts #//announcement I guess?#//breaktime #//unsure when I'll be back who knows #//I just need to chill

strazem

If people want to reblog the post I just made, they can, someone asked me if they could and I figured I’d make a post about it in case other people wanted to know too

strazem

I noticed that I’ve been getting blocked by a lot of Ososan artists lately and... At this point I’m sure it’s because of bad rumors and misinfo getting spread about me in discord servers. I’m going to put a lot of this under a readmore because I don’t want to clog people’s dashes with this, but I really want to clear the air here as I feel like there are a lot of things being left out of the narratives people are telling about me, and also the fact this is still happening and has been for four-five years, isolating me from a lot of the ososan community and hurting me in a very deep way...

#//VERY LONG #//important

strazem

I think there’s a lot of people out there that still think I’m the same as a few years ago, which... Is upsetting... But also I know I can’t change anyone’s opinion of me

Plus, the people that really matter are the ones who can see the good in you and stick with you beyond just a surface level “we like the same show” sort of deal, or are understanding of your bad mental health episodes or are understanding of your disabilities

I’m a lot better than before, but I’m honestly so blessed and grateful that I met my friends because the fact we can actually communicate with each other and talk things out like adults whenever there’s a snag is honestly so wonderful

#lovethoughts

strazem

me and my friends: -marry our faves, have kids with our faves, pay taxes with our faves, be canon with our faves-

#lovethoughts

strazem

Honestly I’ve changed so much over the years and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come

Anyone that still thinks I’m anything like I was 2+ years ago, you are just factually wrong at this point idk what to say

I’ve been better about my attitude, my self-care, doing the things I’m supposed to, things I would never have dreamed of doing back then

I’ve come a long way and I feel like I don’t tell myself this enough or remember so I’m making a post for myself

#reminders #reminder #lovethoughts

strazem reblogged

More next gen au doodles but with more of my self insert... Feat some OCs + @lichenqueen and @strazem ! (kid names are Kichimatsu (son) and Matsuko (daughter))

strazem reblogged

Me and My friends ( @strazem and @lichenqueen ) have a next gen au and I finally made some fan kids for my oc ship chibita/hiyori!! Last Two pics feature Lovenu’s kid and Emmy’s Twins in the au. (Also all their names are oden ingredients...)