types of nap, ranked by me (an experienced napper)

the siesta: the oldest and most reliable form of nap! you go to sleep around noon. you wake up an hour or two later feeling well-rested and prepared to face the rest of the day. this is the pinnacle of nap perfection. 10/10

the businessman’s nap: you have a limited amount of time on your hands, so you schedule a nap into your packed timetable and set an alarm. you spend half the duration of the nap worrying that you’re wasting valuable nap time by lying awake, and the other half sunk into a torpor so deep that when your alarm rings, it takes you a good few minutes to remember your own name. once you’ve splashed some cold water on your face you feel much better. 7/10

EW STICKY: you were cold at first, so you piled on the blankets and wriggled into your favourite comfy sweater. this was nice. now you are awake and trapped in a horrible sweaty gordian knot of your own devising. this is not nice. when you peel off the sweater you find to your horror that you have left an actual damp patch behind on the bed, like some sort of giant dead fish that can’t stop leaking its gross fish juice everywhere. 5/10 it was at least cosy to start with

the interrupted nap: someone barges into your room and starts talking to you. “wtsfhggl?” you enquire. they give you a judgemental look, and ask why you are sleeping in the middle of the day. “ghhfshsxkls,” you reply, graciously. they tell you to get up. you get up. the rest of the day feels like an extension of whatever dream you are having before you were disturbed. you boil with quiet resentment and shame. 4/10

the unsuccessful nap: you are tired. you want to take a nap. you lie down. you wait. you wait. time moves sluggishly forwards. you wait. your brain feels like a cup of mushy porridge but your eyes refuse to close. the noise of your fan is infuriating. you wait. eventually, you are forced to accept that this nap is simply not going to happen, and you have wasted 45 minutes doing absolutely nothing. god fucking dammit. 2/10

the handy-dandy fast-forward button: you really just want this day to be over as soon as possible, and the best way you can think of to do that is to take a nap. you only meant to sleep for an hour, but when you wake up it is already evening. the day is over. you glean no satisfaction from this. you kill time until you feel justified in going back to bed again, and spend the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sink back into the blissful stupor from which you so recently emerged. 0/10

The Unpleasantness: when you fall asleep, it is dark. when you awaken, it is light. this is the natural order of sleep, but perverted into a form that is frightening and wrong. you feel deeply unsettled and do not know why. are you sick? what does time mean? what does anything mean? maximum despair. -1000/10.

A bus driver in Thailand adopted a stray cat and put it on the bus, where it would accompany the passengers every day.

THE WAY SHE POSED AFTERWARDS HFKFBDK

My artistic rendition:

My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

Extending the use of their 12 ft. skeletons.

New reaction pic for y'all to be used when you get into an argument about trans healthcare and your opponent starts talking about the 0.8% or whatever of trans people who regret transitioning

I just woke up from a dream that I got invited to go clubbing with my friends last minute while I was wrapping up a volunteer shift at a big community center so on my way to the club I stopped at a mall and grabbed a random dress but for some reason I couldn’t change at the mall so I went farther down the highway and stopped at a rest stop. it was pouring rain and on the way in i slipped and got covered in mud & i dropped my dress in a puddle and it got soaking wet. i keep a blow dryer in my car (i travel a lot) so i grabbed it and went to the bathroom and started blow drying the dress.

i was freezing cold and soaking wet so i took off my jeans and t shirt since no one else was there but a man walked in, in a full blue velvet tuxedo and when we saw each other in my state of undress we both apologized.

he said the men’s room was closed for maintenance and asked if i minded if he used the women’s and i said i didn’t.

he came back out of the stall and said he was tired and actually came in to rest for twenty minutes before he got back on the road and i said that was fine so he sat on the bench in the bathroom and closed his eyes and we were both silent for a few minutes and then he opened his eyes and asked where i was headed and i said i was meeting friends at some club and he said

“i don’t know why you’re going to the club when you could be going to Ravioli Night.”

i said, “to what?”

he sat up excitedly and began to describe what sounded like a black-tie ball, all centered on eating a multi-course meal of different ravioli dishes.

it was already ten at night so i assumed he’d just come from there. i said sorry i missed it but maybe next time.

he said, “it only happens every four years, but you’re in luck; the first course isn’t served until midnight.”

i said, “people gather at midnight to eat ravioli?”

he smirked mischievously and said, “until dawn.”

my dress was mostly dry so i pulled it on over my head and i said, “based on your tux, i think i’d be too underdressed.”

he said, “you can be my plus-one, and no one will ask.”

it seemed to me this man had some sort of major social authority in this mysterious, nocturnal world of ravioli.

i considered it, but i said, “sorry….my friends are waiting for me.”

he smiled sadly for a moment, stood up, and asked if i had a pen. i did in my purse. he wrote coordinates on my arm and said, “if you change your mind….”

then he left.

i walked outside and he was already gone. i got in my car and hesitated to turn the key, considering the thrill in my chest at the concept of so much ravioli.

then i woke up at that moment. i’ll never know…….would i have followed my heart?

this man had the energy of a vampire love interest but i’m 100% certain he was human with some sort of powerful sway in this dark world of ravioli

Amazing dream. Follow your heart to a dark world of midnight raviolis

I was telling my dad about how there are always hermits in Arthurian stories, just, you're out on a quest and you need directions or to recover from a wound so you look for the nearest hermit because there's usually one around. My Dad said "Like gas stations" and I have not been the same since

She's just trying to pay her student loans

(Source)

wait THAT'S where it came from?

Hush! Video of Colorado's reintroduced wolves' pups playing

These are some of the first known wolf pups to be born in Colorado in over 80 years! Nearly a century later and they have returned to some of their traditional ranges--and they're playing!!

just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet

like the reason this exists is because none of the words sound like each other, which means that even with a terrible signal both parties should be able to clearly understand the words being spelled

i am dead serious that i believe this should be taught in school

some highlights from hugh grant answering the proust questionnaire in vanity fair.

yes it is

The world would be so much better if people would just unironically write stuff like this. I’m tired of books that Take Themselves Seriously

these turkish delights have turkish ends....