Stoep

*Logan gets shot and spits out the bullet*

Wade: "Oh my gawd, that so hot, let me try."

*Wade jumping in front of the bad guys* "Oh do me next, me, me, over here, please shoot me next!"

*Wade gets shot and pulls up his mask*

Wade: "Watch this, peanut."

*Wade snorts up and starts yelling*

Wade: "Fuck! Its in my nose! Shit that burns! Fuck! Fuck!"

*Wade blows the bullet out of one of his nostrils. It drips down slowly to the ground with a thick trail of mucus.*

Logan: "..."

Bad guys: "..."

Logan: "I don't know that guy."

Wade: *slaps Logan's ass like he slaps the roof on a car* "This baby runs on 'fossil' fuel, bad for the environment, but damn do I not mind getting hot near him!"

Logan: "..."

Wade: "..."

*Wade busting through the door, missing an arm, suit ripped to shreds with a big smile on his face*

Wade: "Worth it."

The first aid instructor: "So, when someone stabs you with a knife, what is the first thing you do?"

Logan: "Kill them."

Wade: "Thank them."

The first aid instructor: "..."

The first aid instructor: "...You leave it in..."

Wade: "You hear that, Peanut. Next time you stab me, stay inside and dig it deeper till you hit the sweet spot." *winks*

The first aid instructor: "I'm not getting paid enough for this."

Logan: "Me neither."

Wade: "Sorry we're late, Logan was fingering me, and it left a wet mess, so I had to change."

Logan: "Stop describing it like that, I was stabbing him and he got blood on his clothes."

Wade: "Tomato, tomahto."

Wade: "God, this new job is so bloodlessly boooooring"

Logan: "Haven't you ever had a nonviolent job before?"

Wade: "Of course I have! I was a yoga instructor at the senior home a few streets from here"

*flashback*

Deadpool is on his hands and knees violently throwing it back in front of old people

Wade: "Some people call this 'the downward dog', but I like to call this the 'OMG SHEROL THE DOG IS THROWING UP ON THE CARPET AGAIN, GET THE OLD TOWELS!'

Wade: "Yeah, let me hear those gagging noises, I'm not stopping until this room permanently smells of old lady sweat. Edith, I swear to god, if you're asking for another bathroom break, I'll start throwing yoga mats. Just use your adult diaper like the rest of us-"

*end flashback*

Wade: "I'm still not sure why they banned me from ever coming back."