✨Stand Bullshit✨

GJDBGJDBFBDB LITERALLY

It doesn’t help that Kars is taller than Dio is and rarely reacts to his instigations. Whenever Dio tries killing and/or maiming Kars either barely pays him any mind in a “that’s nice, but I’m busy” way or just absolutely CURB STOMPS him without hesitation. The only reliable way to get Kars to fight him is to mess with animals, but that…… didn’t turn out great

The World is the only person who didn’t need any additional training before shooting because he was already buff as fuck

And for a bit of Silly Irony, what if Splat and The World auditioned together…… but for the role the other got

And then to add even more to it, what if The World ended up getting the role of Crazy Diamond in DiU

GJDBGJDBBGJDB

HE JUST STICKS HIS FINGERS INTO THE CUP AND THE GANG JUST LOOKS AT HIM LIKE

So after the bruno and zucchero fight when bruno rips of his head, he lets the boys have the head to interrogate and do thier torture dance routine while he gives the body to giorno of him to snack on

GHDBGBDGBDG Y E S

Gio’s just snacking in the basement of the boat and trying to be as quiet as possible, and meanwhile Zucchero is positively LOOSING IT upstairs so the gang’s like “damn, whatever the newbie’s doing is affective as hell.” but then when they go downstairs to check the body is just. Gone, and the blood spilt might not even be present if Gio wanted to keep secret and turned it into….. idk maybe plant leaves

What if Giorno had spent pretty much his entire life having been essentially malnourished. Like, yes there was the issue of him not getting enough Human Food because his shit bag parents, but the lack of ANY food for his vampiric half left him as weak as a regular human, possibly even weaker

Maybe he got some blood here and there, be it from his more vampiric instincts hunting small animals like birds and rats or some other means. It was enough for a little Giorno to realize something wasn’t normal about him and slowly start feeling out this Not Normal

Enter Bucciarati who’s essentially giving him food.

At first his intention was to just scare Bucciarati off. He’d never eaten a human before, and it probably wasn’t that different from the handful of small animals he’d had.

Plot twist, it was actually the most nutritious thing Giorno had ever eaten

And then when Bucciarati assumes the human eating thing is a necessity, Giorno is definitely not going to correct him because he hasn’t felt this alive or energetic since. Ever

I WROTE MORE INSTEAD OF DOING MY HOMEWORK I CANNOT BE STOPPED

(also be warned for like. Eating a person. Written in detail.)

Giorno's always been hungry.

Even on the rare occasions where he did have what should have been enough food, he was inevitably left unsatisfied.

He could eat and eat and eat until he was throwing up from gorging himself and he'd still be hungry, hungry for something else.

Hungry for something other than food.

Buccarati was the first person he'd ever told. About the hunger, or about why he had it. Sure, his mother likely knew- she was the one who told him what his father was- and she probably told his stepfather, but Buccarati was the first person he'd ever trusted of his own volition.

"What did you call me down here for?" Giorno asked.

Buccarati gestured towards Zucchero's body, his neck ending in a swirling void capped by zippers. "Do you need to eat? You seemed to enjoy Luca's eye, and I can tell you're still hungry even after getting a meal at Libeccio's."

Giorno's hungry.

He's always hungry. He's always been hungry. He's used to the constant pangs keeping him up at night, used to the heaviness in his limbs, the fog in his mind, the exhaustion and aches of his body lacking something it so desperately needed.

The prospect of finally feeling sated, for the first time in his life, overrides any reservations, and he nods.

Buccarati smiles, zipping Zucchero's form into separate pieces incapable of putting up a fight with a single flourish. "I'll keep the others out. Will you need any help with cleanup?"

Giorno shakes his head. "I can handle it with Gold."

"Alright then." Buccarati responds. "Let us know when you're done."

Giorno waits until he hears the trapdoor to the deck shut before he moves.

An arm, that would be a good place to start. With how thoroughly Sticky Fingers diced the body, it's a simple matter to slide the sleeve off of his upper left arm.

Giorno should be sickened by what he's about to do. Should be horrified.

But, well. He was never truly human to begin with, just a beast in human form.

Giorno bites into the man's bicep, sharp fangs extending from his gums to puncture the skin and make it easier for his other teeth to peel it apart.

Blood gushes forth, flooding his mouth like biting into a ripe fruit bursting with sugary juices.

His teeth slide too smoothly into the flesh, an instinctual jerk of the neck ripping out a chunk of bloody muscle, rivulets of gore dripping down his chin and onto his chest.

He swallows the chunk whole, ripping into the arm again with a frenzied hunger.

He's so hungry, he's always been so, so hungry, and he has a feast laid out in front of him, here for the taking.

Claws erupt from his nailbeds with a spike of pain that's gone before he can react.

He rips into another chunk of flesh, heedless of conscious thought, desperately gorging himself on the mouthwateringly juicy muscle and supple entrails and peeling chewy tendons from the muscle before swallowing them too and eating and eating until there's little left but bone but it's still not enough, nothing could ever be enough to make up for the years and years and years he was starving in slow motion.

He doesn't even have time to think before he picks up a bone and cracks it open with a sudden crunch, scraping out every bit of the deliciously rich and succulent marrow, swallowing shards of bone as well in his sudden desperation to feed.

It's still not enough his stomach aches now with the weight of his feast but it's

Still

Not

Enough-

He's still malnourished

Still so weak

Still so desperate for MORE-

It's too much it's not enough all he knows is pain in his stomach, a horrible agony that he's never been free of-

Giorno turns and throws up onto the scattered remnants of Zucchero's body.

Part of his brain is processing, reasoning that his vampiric half might be made ill by a sudden influx of food after prolonged starvation just as his human half often was, made worse by the literal years his vampire half was starved.

Part of his brain is stuck on the fact that he lost control of himself, that once he sunk his teeth in he couldn't stop until he made himself sick with the sheer volume of human flesh he just consumed.

Another wave of nausea hits him and he pukes up another good portion of his meal, breaking out in a cold sweat.

Still, physically, he feels better now. His stomach still aches from the trial it just endured, but aches he'd assumed were inescapable drawbacks of his hybrid nature are starting to feel just a little less intense.

Giorno silently trembles for a few moments before summoning Gold.

The stand transforms the remaining fragments of bone and splatters of blood (there's so much blood he's tempted to try and lick it up even after all that) and the puddle of gore-filled vomit all into flower petals.

Giorno goes into the bathroom for a moment, quickly wiping off the few traces of the ordeal that Gold couldn't hide before heading up to the trapdoor.

"Giornooo!" Mista calls as soon as he pokes his head up. "Whatever you did, it worked amazing!"

"He was screaming so loud!" Narancia giggles. "Nice job man!"

Giorno smiles. "Thank you."

Buccarati smiles softly, pulling him aside for a second. "Feeling better?"

Giorno nods, hesitating for a moment as he decides what he can trust Buccarati with. "It did help a lot. But for the immediate future, it seems my... inhuman half, may need stricter portion control to help recovery go more smoothly."

Bruno nods. "We might be limited to trial and error to figure out what you'll need, but I'll do whatever I can to help."

Nobody ever bothered to do that for Giorno before. "Thank you Buccarati. That means a lot to me."

Buccarati smiles. "Of course Giorno. You're one of us now, no matter what."

Monster he may be, but at last Giorno has a place to belong.

D R A G O N

YOURE TOO POWERFUL I SWEAR-

GHDBFHDBFB Y E S

*gently holds Gio* he’s just a lil Hungy Creachur

GJDBGJDBBGJDB

HE JUST STICKS HIS FINGERS INTO THE CUP AND THE GANG JUST LOOKS AT HIM LIKE

So after the bruno and zucchero fight when bruno rips of his head, he lets the boys have the head to interrogate and do thier torture dance routine while he gives the body to giorno of him to snack on

GHDBGBDGBDG Y E S

Gio’s just snacking in the basement of the boat and trying to be as quiet as possible, and meanwhile Zucchero is positively LOOSING IT upstairs so the gang’s like “damn, whatever the newbie’s doing is affective as hell.” but then when they go downstairs to check the body is just. Gone, and the blood spilt might not even be present if Gio wanted to keep secret and turned it into….. idk maybe plant leaves

What if Giorno had spent pretty much his entire life having been essentially malnourished. Like, yes there was the issue of him not getting enough Human Food because his shit bag parents, but the lack of ANY food for his vampiric half left him as weak as a regular human, possibly even weaker

Maybe he got some blood here and there, be it from his more vampiric instincts hunting small animals like birds and rats or some other means. It was enough for a little Giorno to realize something wasn’t normal about him and slowly start feeling out this Not Normal

Enter Bucciarati who’s essentially giving him food.

At first his intention was to just scare Bucciarati off. He’d never eaten a human before, and it probably wasn’t that different from the handful of small animals he’d had.

Plot twist, it was actually the most nutritious thing Giorno had ever eaten

And then when Bucciarati assumes the human eating thing is a necessity, Giorno is definitely not going to correct him because he hasn’t felt this alive or energetic since. Ever

HGHHFFGHGFCVHG IM C A C K L I NG

and about the energy thing. What if Giorno just. Doesn’t need to sleep anymore. Or rest. Or even get fatigued

The Gang have literally never seen him sleep or be tired. He’s up at all hours constantly and never seems to tire during fights. And any time he gets hurt it heals back super quick and he doesn’t even need to rest after

He doesnt have excessive energy, but nothing anyone does ever seems to tire him out

GJDBGJDBBGJDB

HE JUST STICKS HIS FINGERS INTO THE CUP AND THE GANG JUST LOOKS AT HIM LIKE

So after the bruno and zucchero fight when bruno rips of his head, he lets the boys have the head to interrogate and do thier torture dance routine while he gives the body to giorno of him to snack on

GHDBGBDGBDG Y E S

Gio’s just snacking in the basement of the boat and trying to be as quiet as possible, and meanwhile Zucchero is positively LOOSING IT upstairs so the gang’s like “damn, whatever the newbie’s doing is affective as hell.” but then when they go downstairs to check the body is just. Gone, and the blood spilt might not even be present if Gio wanted to keep secret and turned it into….. idk maybe plant leaves

What if Giorno had spent pretty much his entire life having been essentially malnourished. Like, yes there was the issue of him not getting enough Human Food because his shit bag parents, but the lack of ANY food for his vampiric half left him as weak as a regular human, possibly even weaker

Maybe he got some blood here and there, be it from his more vampiric instincts hunting small animals like birds and rats or some other means. It was enough for a little Giorno to realize something wasn’t normal about him and slowly start feeling out this Not Normal

Enter Bucciarati who’s essentially giving him food.

At first his intention was to just scare Bucciarati off. He’d never eaten a human before, and it probably wasn’t that different from the handful of small animals he’d had.

Plot twist, it was actually the most nutritious thing Giorno had ever eaten

And then when Bucciarati assumes the human eating thing is a necessity, Giorno is definitely not going to correct him because he hasn’t felt this alive or energetic since. Ever

GJDBGJDBBGJDB

HE JUST STICKS HIS FINGERS INTO THE CUP AND THE GANG JUST LOOKS AT HIM LIKE

oh ABSOLUTELY

For too many years he’s had Stand Users come after him and pick fights because they knew what his power was and “wanted to take down the best” or something. It’s nice being an unknown for once, and you bet he’s going to take advantage of that for as long as he can

GJDBGJDBG Y E S

for everyone else, it’s either No Emotion or On Fucking Sight. Yet Jonathan manages to get Iggy to somewhat behave because of all the good pets

And also what if

Polnareff: GET YOUR FUCKING DOG JOTARO-

Jotaro, with Iggy calmly sitting in his lap: He don’t bite

Polanreff, half inside The Fool: YES HE DO-

So to offset my crisis from the “Josuke erasing stands” thing

Blooper/Behind The Scenes AU where Jojo’s is a “live action” type thing and the actors get up to all kinds of shenanigans

Some highlights:

Yesssssss

all the villains are generally fun/nice people off set, but they all get into their roles so well and easily that it can be incredibly jarring and more than a bit scary

Okay for the Caesar Lives AU just

His reaction to Joseph’s presumed death

Imagine. Joseph had just barely managed to get to the hotel on time to save Caesar. They manage to get him to a hospital to save his life, then get to the Pillarmen to do the whole fighting thing

Lisa Lisa having to be the one to tell Caesar that Joseph died saving the world.

And just….. it absolutely crushing Caesar.

His friend is dead. Sure he died for a good cause, he literally saved everyone on Earth, but he’s still gone

And call Caesar selfish, but honestly….. a not so small part of him would’ve preferred Joseph.

But at the same time, a small bit of ✨imposter syndrome✨ hits because Caesar doesn’t fully feel like he’s allowed to grieve as much as everyone else. He’d only knew Joseph for a month after all. Erina and Speedwagon had raised him and essentially lost their son, Lisa Lisa had actually lost her son as he learns later, and young Smokey who was still a teenager and essentially lost an older brother.

By comparison, Caesar’s relationship with Joseph was so much smaller.

So he decides to put his grief on the back burner and do whatever he can to help the others, because that’s definitely a healthy thing to do. The last time he lost someone, he ran away. He’s not going to do that again.

He helps plan the funeral, lends an ear if anyone wants to talk, makes sure everyone’s taking care of themselves, anything and everything to keep himself busy so he won’t have to think.

But then of course, the funeral itself comes.

And Caesar can’t ignore it anymore.

There’s nothing he can do here. No way to dodge around his emotions, no way to shove the thoughts away, no way to avoid the topic because if he missed Joseph’s funeral he’d despise himself even more. All the thoughts and feelings he shoved to the back of his mind came throttling back full speed and he was powerless.

Joseph is dead.

And he was partially responsible.

If he hadn’t run off in anger he wouldn’t have nearly died. If he hadn’t gotten hurt, Joseph wouldn’t have had to fight them alone. If he hadn’t lost to Wamuu, Joseph would have just taken the damn antidote and not tried to avenge him like the hard headed, sentimental idiot he was-

But he had been Caesar’s hard headed, sentimental idiot

And now he was gone

Oh ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

Caesar’s standing there alongside everyone else, desperately trying to hold himself to together. He can feel himself tearing at the seams as tears slip from his eyes and his throat begins to close up. The part of him grieving, the part he tried to shove to the back of his mind, is snarling in rage and wishes to destroy the stupid piece of rock that is the tombstone because it’s too simple, too basic, too normal, too quiet, had it always been this quiet without Joseph, he used to find his endless chatter grating but now nothing felt louder than the crushing silence-

And then it’s suddenly dark.

“Guess who, Caesarino!”

It can’t be.

It can’t.

“Hey everyone. I finally made it back to New York, but no one came to meet me! I heard you guys were at a funeral, and I’ve been looking all over!”

But it was.

It was Jojo, standing there with his stupid spiked hair and looking just as he had when Caesar last saw him.

He’s absolutely overjoyed Joseph’s alive.

But currently that joy is being overrided with pure rage because YOU WERE ALIVE THIS WHOLE TIME AND DIDN’T THINK TO TELL US?!?!?

Caesar may still be recovering from nearly dying, but needless to say he still packs a mean punch