Local Deer Does Magic

i worry we are losing touch with the True Meaning Of Halloween (avoiding the fairies)

celebrate a good old-fashioned Halloween with the very important traditions of:

ways NOT to celebrate Halloween: sneaking into graveyards aka the modern day successor of burial mounds aka portals to the otherworld aka home of the FUCKING FAIRIES

Saturn Devouring His Son

one way to read this is "this man has no idea what he is saying"

another to read this is "this man is terminally online and has excellent comedic timing"

Okay, this is fantastic.

Your local forest hag is here to deliver a message.

put glasses on and pulls out a crumbled paper

Ahem... The energies in your house are stale because you haven't deep cleaned in months. Open the windows, get your cleaning supplies and get to scrubbing.

And change your filters.

The thing they don't tell you about getting really into one specific historical period is that very quickly every conversation turns into an attempt to avoid sounding like the "horribly wet in wexford today but not as bad as in the 690s" tweet

Me whenever someone's random comment can be connected to one of my special historical guys in some extremely tenuous way for real

For the love of God, sound on.

@vensre

Sometimes “Sound on” is a disappointment. This is not one of those times

Sometimes “Sound on” is

a disappointment. This is

not one of those times

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:

there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping

the artist for this particular piece is Frank Frazetta and to be fair to him this is how he drew the orcs armor 

so the rohirrim comment is probably not that far off

That’s a man who just straight up had a problem with the concept of wearing pants into battle, and I respect that

male or female

hero or villain

sea or land

even in the snow

I guarantee you Frazetta’s Rohirrim were 100% pants-free

Good Old Frank. That man loved bodies and hated clothes so much

Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.

That man gave us the gift of warrior thighs and tits for everyone.

[I SUMMON A FAE LORD BY NAME, HE BREAKS THE SUMMON AND VANISHES]

[I USE THE NAME AGAIN, AGAIN HE APPEARS, AND AGAIN HE VANISHES. WE BOTH KNOW A CALL GIVEN THRICE CANNOT BE REFUSED.]

[I USE THE NAME AGAIN, HE APPEARS HOLDING A BIG SPHERICAL CARTOON BOMB]

Caretaker, is this the same fae who was wearing an 80's windbreaker when you met?

I NEEDED A SMASH BROS PARTNER

CT who does he main?

INKLING, I PLAY RIDLEY

caretaker stop spiking the Lord of the Harvest off of final destination he's going to cause another squash incident

MAYBE THE HARVEST LORD SHOULD LEARN TO TECH

this post rules, but it's even better when you remember re4 was set in spain

Guys I just realized the last supper was the first murder mystery dinner!!!

My Roman Catholic parents did not find this as funny and thought provoking as I did

outfit idea

This is it, everyone else go home!

my girlfriend puts up with a lot

That myth about challenging Death to a game of your choosing is so funny because you could conceivably make it ANYTHING that is considered a game. Have fun playing as Illithiel the Elven Wizard in my six-hour-long DnD campaign, Mr. Grim.

I challenge Death to a game of hopscotch. I win obviously, I have tennis shoes. I have coordination. What does the devil have? Bitch has a robe, will trip over it. Will loose.

Reminds me of that comic of some dude challenging death to a game of mario kart and becoming the new king of the underworld

I challenge death at a game of who's best at blowjobs or sex? You won't do It? Coward

Each of these methods is foolproof and we’re all going to be immortal.

The Press Democrat, Santa Rosa, California, March 20, 1951

whatever happened to actually useful news

marco polo. that’s the joke thank you for your time 

do u ever just wish u could be an ancient oracle and your whole job was to do weed and tell stupid riddles to rich conquerors only for them to misinterpret your words and die