i had nothing. now, i'm a sales associate

4.17 isn't About Sam so they did not consider him and demon blood withdrawal during those three weeks but i think that he spends nights shivering cursing the (perfectly functioning) heater in his shitty apartment and throwing up in the toilet and that amongst all his "i feel wrong this isn't meant to be my life" is a longing for the taste of iron between his teeth and i think that the day before he quits his job sam wesson meets a dark-haired woman at a bar who he swears he recognizes from his dreams and back at her motel room she hands him an opaque glass and says "i've put something in your drink. wanna try?" and he does. and when zachariah restores sam's memories at the same time as dean's sam doesn't get an angel to explain what happened to him he just hears ruby sitting on his mattress beside him take a breath and say "you're back." and she leaves before he can process anything and he's left with this hunger and his phone ringing in his pocket

source

for the @ophanims​​ follower celebration prompt “demon blood”

what love is greater than the obsession between a creator and his favorite toys?

hi I'm still thinking about Sam's nightmare in Bloody Mary where Jess is pinned to the ceiling stabbed and still breathing like we KNOW she was already dead when she was put up there but in Sam's guilt-addled mind, maybe she was still alive. maybe she only died after she caught on fire, and she only caught on fire when Sam looked at her, and maybe Sam looking at her was what triggered the fire. maybe Jess could have been saved but she was dead the second Sam looked at her. the second he said hello

DEAN HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD

[ID: An edited tweet with Sam Winchester as the profile picture that reads “drinkinh my violence Milk it make’s me evil and  dangerious” over a photo of Sam drinking demon blood from Ruby's arm. /end ID]

‘tis the (halloween) season

cws for violence, stabbing, torture, blood, guns, eye horror

[ID: A 6-image web weave of Sam and Jess in the SPN pilot. It goes: 1. “Maybe I’ll climb the stairs with a girl of golden hair”: Sam standing, packing to leave with Dean while Jess sits on the bed | 2. “Hold her like a sword and shield”: Sam putting his arm around Jess, facing Dean | 3. “up against this lonely world”: Sam and Jess kissing with the image cross-fading into their apartment | 4. “Up against the world”: Jess on the ceiling | 5. “it’s a lonely, lonely world”: Sam gasping as he lies in bed, blood dripping on his face | 6. “For a yellow-headed girl and a young man”: a framed photo of Mary and John in Sam’s apartment while Sam pokes his head out of a doorway /end ID]

- "Custom," Carl Phillips

[ID: A four-image web weave of Sam and Castiel. It goes 1. "You shouldn't look at me" over Cas looking at Sam inquisitively and Sam with his back against a wall, looking down. / 2. "like that" over Cas healing Sam in 9.11. Sam is lying in a chair, blood coming out of his nose and mouth, and Cas is touching his cheek concernedly. / 3. "Like one of those saints" over Sam doing research in the library with lights on the wall arcing out from behind his shoulders / 4. "on whom the birds once settled freely" over Gadreel in Sam glowing with the shadow of his wings visible. /end ID]

cws for knives, blood, eye horror, body horror

cws for stabbing, blood, guns, torture

You thought there were two, but there is another! Dean & Sam (& Adam) | BDG- Siblings (Youtube)

cws for food, pregnancy, guns, violence, blood

cws for blood, violence, guns, eye horror, body horror, bright lights, stabbing, food, needles

cws for self harm via choking as well as mentions of suicidal ideation, past possession, and disordered eating. (however, none of these are the results of dysphoria or internalized transphobia)

tysm to @bloodfreakatstanforddotedu​ for beta-ing!

-

“I understand if you may not... trust me to do this. Aside from your personal history, I am the one who broke down the wall in your mind.”

“Yeah. You are.”

“I don’t know if I can ever express how strongly I regret—”

“Dude, I tried to kill you later on the same day, so I think we’re even.”

“Sam, I’m fairly certain that’s not—”

“It’s really not, but… my point is that I trust you, okay? I may not trust... this, but I do trust you.”

“Thank you, Sam. Truly, that means a lot.”

“Of course.”

“If we are to proceed with this… ‘half-assed exposure therapy,’ as you call it, however, there is one problem.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t doubt that I will be able to reenter it, but it’s possible that without my presence sustaining it, my body may begin to...”

“Decompose?”

“Yes.”

“Ew.”

“Quite.”

“So that’s a no, then?”

“It’s not a ‘no.’ However, it might be best to set a hard time limit.”

“How about fifteen minutes?”

for @spnprideweek day 3: trans

ID in alt text, screencap credit to home of the nutty

i’ll lend you this, i’ll lend you that (ao3)

cw for some unintentional misgendering

-

Sam brings a journal to Stanford to record the names and faces of everyone she meets. This is going to be her home for the next four years—no packing bags in the middle of the night or saying hasty goodbyes to half-baked friendships she’ll never find again. The people she meets are here to stay. She’s here to stay.

California’s hot in August (though not as hot as some of the places Sam’s been), so Sam ties their hair up. They’re not sure how out they plan to be here yet; honestly, they’ve been going back and forth about it every night for weeks, but some guys have ponytails, so it shouldn’t be too risky. Sam takes another quick look at the students in their first day orientation group. Some of the students look super preppy, but there’s plenty in extremely casual wear, plus some scene kids. She sees a few people with outrageously-dyed hair, and one guy who seems to be wearing lipstick. No one is bothering him, nor is anyone shooting her looks yet, and it’s still hot even with their hair up. Can she…?

With a slight rush of adrenaline, Sam takes the bottom of their shirt and ties it off at their waist. Rhonda Hurley had shown them how to make any shirt into a makeshift crop top years ago, and Sam’s muscle memory follows her simple instructions well, even if their hands are shaking a little. It’d been one of the many bits of wisdom Rhonda had imparted on Sam during the one year she was in Sam and Dean’s lives, bits of wisdom she’d always dropped with a small smile that seemed to say, “just for us girls, huh?” Sam doesn’t feel entirely like a girl most of the time, but the word always felt right coming from Rhonda, who was always okay with Sam crashing her and Dean’s dates and regularly called Sam her trans sister-in-arms.

cws for addiction, blood, body horror, knives, eye horror, stabbing, death