i had nothing. now, i'm a sales associate

i do learn all my morals from fanfiction actually. for example i learned that if u have a friend who's only recently been transformed into a human then it's ur moral obligation to teach him how to jerk off. and it DOESNT make you gay

some of you are making such fools of urselfs in the notes lmfao "op i have bad news for u" "op that's definitely gay please come out of the closet it's ok pspspspsps" it's literally NOT no part of this is gay it's just a straight heterosexual man helping out a good friend. like should i just leave him to figure it out alone?? what if he doesn't do it right and it hurts or feels weird and he gets discouraged and doesn't ever try it again and then he dies of blue balls. it has to be MY hand because i know what i'm doing because i'm a grown adult who jerks off regularly to fantasies of women so it has to be MY heterosexual hand on HIS heterosexual penis so he knows what it feels like and can replicate that feeling later for himself. and yeah maybe we're looking into each other's eyes that's fine it's literally grounding and centering and comforting him in what is probably a really intense moment like an i just supposed to NOT emotionally support my bro and tell him he's doing so well and ask him if it feels good and if he's close and if he's gonna come for me? like i need to know i need feedback!!! what if he likes it different than i like it how would i know unless i asked?? some of you are so desperate to make everything gay all the time and you end up spoiling and ruining normal platonic bonding experiences between two straight men like bringing each other to orgasm. and maybe i teach him how to kiss too he doesn't have a lot of experience with that.

goddamit this is a supernatural reference isn't it

too late. the thing about my sastiel dynamic that you have to understand is that they’re making each other worse on purpose. it’s like lesbians who sleep with men as a form of self harm. that’s sam and cas. cas is like dean will never love me and im desperate for love so i will take what sam offers because i am so hungry and must devour. and sam is like Ah once again i have been taken in by a god who doesn’t love me back and will never wash my feet. but then theyre also having the most caring and loving but freakiest and nastiest possession vessel sex that you could imagine

his sad droopy wet ass eyes captivated me and made my dick hard

dean did wanna fuck that car so bad

[ID: an edited meme of sperm cells talking to each other. one says, “God I’m getting tired! How long ‘til we reach the fallopian tubes?” another cell replies, “Bruh we in a 1967 chevy impala exhaust pipe” /end ID]

ok i no longer feel bad for posting the rushed unedited uncropped screencap and having you guys reblog it unironically

[ID: a spn screenshot of Cas fallen on his back on the ground. the rb shows a tumblr tag that reads “I want to put a baby in him” /end ID]

I’m sorry but the funniest fanon in history that I will believe is 100% true until I die is that deans only ok at sex and is awful at flirting but just has massive pretty privilege. It’s basically canon at this point no one can question me

That man who likes women who “smell like food” and looks waaaayyy to earnest when he gets a kiss on the cheek is not a sex god. His ideal fantasy is just to lay there and let sex happen to him

Hiiii meanstiels I love yooooou I hope it isn't annoying for me to post updates for my pwp with plot (uh oh!!) threesome fic in the tag anyway chapter 7 is up ❤ they have....shhh come closer....they have...(shhhh)...(sex) teehee

@soysaucecas @03x13ghostfacers

samruby haters r boring as hell sorry u dont appreciate the complex and nuanced storyline of bloodplay oops i mean the riveting layered plot about bloodplay oops i mean

dean goes to garth for a dental check up and one of the things he learns is that he really needs to wear a mouthguard to bed unless he wants to get a million root canals. garth makes him a fitted mouthguard and he grumbles and groans about having to wear it but he wears it everyyy night. he puts it in says “goob neigh casthe, i lobbe yeuo” and then snorkkk mimimi snorkkk mimimi. cas sees/hears this and is filled with lust

@spaceandfiction THANK YOU you are TOO KIND

cas is like “howdy cowboy” and goes for a feelski and dean wiggles his eyebrows and is like “ellow teo yeuo teoo 😏 buthe whye?” and cas literally starts crying because “it’s domestic and delightful and you ‘lobbe’ me and we go to bed together we have a routine and you’re taking care of yourself and not in a basic 'making it till tomorrow’ way you’re taking preventative measures to avoid dental problems years down the line and we’re boring and safe and old and not sexy - ”

“NOTH SEXTHIE??”

“no no you’re very sexy. but the average person might not think this after seeing your rocket ship pajama pants and your mouth guard and the way it causes you to drool”

“ai’m acthualley droulinge becausthe ofe howe sexthie yeuo aere 🤤”

“even though i cried after trying to get in your pants after hearing you speak with your mouthguard”

“ESTHPESTHIALLY ahfterre thaate”

and then they have sex and yes the mouthguard stays IN

Hey psst hey Meg and Castiel enjoyers...I did another two chapters of my Meanstiel 3some fic, basically of them just hanging out and doing bits.

(Psst @soysaucecas and KK I'm going to tag you okay @03x13ghostfacers pls let me know if you don't want to be tagged in this lol) <3

wait now i want to take a poll. everybody vote in the tags or replies who you think is the most likely to have a foot fetish on supernatural. you aren’t allowed to change your answer when you see other people’s, i want your first raw instinct

in a heated moment of lust ripping that tacky blue vest off of steve castiel’s chest but then apologizing because thats his only vest 😔