I wish I could put it into coherent thought, the way I love him. I wish I could string together the words to explain it properly when he asks why I'm laying here by his side, warm skin pressed against warm skin, my fingertips tracing constellations across his back. I want to be able to voice it to the world when they demand why I chose him--not to justify myself, but to show them the beauty I've found.

He is a sunset burning the horizon, casting my world in gold. He is a snow-capped mountain range and the exhilaration felt at the peak after the climb. He is a crystal-clear ocean I want to drown in, and the shore I swim to for safety. He is the midday thunderstorm that brings relief to a hot summer day, and every garden that flourishes after the rain. He is the sky on a cloudless night, undiscovered galaxies lighting up the darkness, and the North star that guides me home. He is my favorite song, repeating endlessly in my head, his heartbeat the bass line and his laughter the melody.

They ask me why I love him, but why wouldn't I, when his hand in mine turns this gray world technicolor?

souliloquyyy

Yesterday, I moved out of the apartment I’d been staying in since November. The people I was staying with no longer welcomed me in their home, and I can’t blame them, but throughout the panic-stricken two-hour ordeal of packing up every last one of my earthly belongings into my shitty minivan, I had one thought running through my mind over and over again, my broken-record heart screaming its hurt through a megaphone: I have been chased out of every place I have ever called home.

Today, I’m sitting on the floor in a spacious, well-lit, and cozy room with a new key on my key chain, and despite the promise that it’s mine until the move-in date printed on the lease I signed last week, I cannot bring myself to unload anything from my vehicle for fear that this is just another place I will leave running, with tears burning in my eyes and my heart trembling in my tightening throat.

Tomorrow, I will clock in at my new job and spend eight hours brewing coffee with a rehearsed smile on my face, only allowing myself to break composure for a few minutes in the bathroom on my lunch break. I will not speak a word to my coworkers beyond what is necessary to get the job done and I will tune out their chatter in favor of my own company for fear that I will get attached to something I cannot keep. I can no longer afford to grow fond of people I will only lose. I can no longer afford to let myself find home somewhere that can be taken away.

In thirty-eight days, I will close a door to which I own the sole key, the first place that’s ever been mine and mine alone, and I will celebrate my independence with take-out and ice cream that I will eat on the floor straight out of the cartons. I will spend the night folded up in some corner with a knife, staring warily at the door, just waiting for someone to take this away from me. I will spend weeks or months or the entire goddamn lease terrified to call the place what it is, because I’m convinced if I say it, if I even think it, it’ll end the same this time too.

A year from now, maybe I will have healed enough to use that word again. Maybe I will think of that place as something more than temporary. Maybe I won’t hear the ticking clock in my head anymore, counting down the seconds until everything explodes in my face and leaves me gasping for air and grasping for solid ground. Maybe by then someone will have fought their way through the barbed-wire I have carefully wrapped around my heart, and they won’t feel like a live grenade in my shaky, sweaty hands, and I might let myself start to believe that maybe they’ll stay, that maybe I won’t lose this one this time. That maybe I am not the problem, but the people and places I chose in the past were what was wrong. That maybe I can truly have something for once, and call it mine, and call it home.

#prose poetry #vent #trauma #homelessness #my writing #spoken word poetry #anxiety #depression #abuse #journal entry #this is not an official return just needed to post this somewhere

souliloquyyy

I am logging out of this account indefinitely. Thank you for everything. Goodbye.

souliloquyyy reblogged

souliloquyyy

souliloquyyy

*waltzes back onto the dash as if I haven't been MIA for three weeks*

souliloquyyy

nanowrimo 2022 — day 3

I wasn’t expecting to get any writing done today due to work, but I had another severe panic attack twenty minutes into the shift, so after an hour of hyperventilating and paralysis, I went home and napped for a few hours. And then I had nothing better to do with my day, so I decided to finally put myself on the scoreboard.

today’s total: 1,264 words
monthly total: 1,264 words

We’re taking it easy with nano this year because life is not pulling its punches :)))

#nanowrimo #tw panic attack #tw panic attack mention

souliloquyyy

I.. might not be doing nano after all. Idk. Things are so shit right now I don't think I can handle it. But I'm worried it would make my mental state worse to not even try.

souliloquyyy reblogged

albatris

valtsv

the best ocs are made when you ask yourself "you know what would be really fucked up?" and then make a guy about it

souliloquyyy reblogged

leave-her-a-tome

woc-archive

The WOC Archive is now open!

Welcome to the Writers of Color Archive, a community-based resource for writers of color within writeblr/writblr. We're here to help you connect with more writers of color, as well as to help boost and uplift writers of color within the community.

Quick Links

Jezifster's post (the original call/inspiration for this archive)
The Google Form (for entering entries yourself)
The Archive Itself

The Archive

The archive currently lives on Google Sheets, through this clickable link.

When you open it up, it's organized by timestamp, but there is a filter set up that will allow you to sort entries alphabetically by the first letter within each cell, which may be handy to find writers with Ko-Fi, Patreon, or book links. To open up Filter View, click the upside-down triangle above the Timestamp column and select Filter View. Each column will gain its own sort button (an upside-down triangle consisting of three lines). Click this and select either Sort A -> Z or Sort Z -> A.

Otherwise, searching for info via the usual Find option works too (or better, in the case of the genre column).

Adding to the Archive

There are multiple ways to add yourself (or your friends!) to the archive:

Reblog @jezifster's call for writers of color. We're keeping an eye on notes. :)
Filling out this Google Form.
Send us an ask with your name, blog URL, a short intro, what genres you usually write, and any links you'd like us to point people to.
Tag us into your writeblr intro!

Please note that while some fields are required, we only ask that you offer as much detail as you're comfortable giving. This goes especially for the intro! If you don't feel safe being specific with your identity, please don't feel obligated or pressured to provide us with a lot of detail. Ultimately, the archive is designed to help you, so please only add the information you'd want to share with others on the internet.

Editing/Deleting Your Entry

If you need us to edit anything in your entry—fixing typos, adding links, changing blog URLs, or even deleting your entry altogether for any reason—simply let us know via ask!

You may also have the option to edit your form response if you entered it yourself via the Google Form. Doing so will apply any change you've made to the last response you've made.

Anything Else?

This blog also boosts posts made by writers of color, writing people of color, and so on, so if you have anything you'd like us to boost, please feel free to tag us in!

But also: Thanks so much for all your support!

souliloquyyy reblogged

woodhousejay

[Image ID: dark blue/purple text reading “Pet Portraits!” in large EB Garamond font on a light blue background. /end ID.]

Hello everybody!

I recently found out that my mom is losing her job, so I am losing my insurance. This isn’t great timing as my appointment to start my medical transition is in a month and I have no money. So! Commissions!

I am offering marker and pencil pet portraits! The pricing is flexible as I know that I have room to improve in both mediums, but for now I’m pricing them at 25$ USD for marker busts and 15-20$ USD for pencil busts (depending on whether or not you want colour).

I’m willing to draw pet mammals! I need more practice with birds, fish, and reptiles at this juncture in time, but I will hopefully be able to offer portraits for non-mammal pets someday. I reserve the right to refuse any commission.

Some recent examples of my work:

( @doomspaniels ‘s Guinevere)

(A commission for my mom)

(Horse anatomy practice)

Contact me here through my Tumblr ( @woodhousejay ) or through my email ([email protected]) if you’re interested!

Thanks for reading!

Reblogs are much appreciated! <3

#not writing #boost #dsjfjfhsh your art is so lovely i wish i had the money to commission you #alas i am spending all my money on some long overdue therapy

souliloquyyy reblogged

mr-writes-deactivated20241024

woc-archive

Hi all! This is going to be a quick introduction because this whole thing is a massive work in progress, but welcome to the Writers of Color Archive, a project meant to set up and run a searchable database for writers of color in the writeblr community.

To put it simply, what we especially wanted to do is take the responses to @jezifster's post (see here) and make it easy to find new writers and content to support. Are you a [genre] writer who wants to interact more with other [genre] writers? Do you want to find Ko-Fis to donate to or Patreons to subscribe to? You should be able to do that and more once this project is running.

Right now, we're working on a Google Form attached to a Google Sheet. (There's an entry on the form to give you an idea of this might look like at the end.) Please note that if the form is what people want to stick with, it'll be another option to getting your info in the archive, rather than a complete replacement to the post itself. One of the many purposes of this sideblog is to keep up with the post and reblog new entries when we find them. Please feel free to continue reblogging the post.

Another purpose of this sideblog: To give you an opportunity to let us know what you need. And first and foremost, the form and the sheet aren't final just yet. Please feel free to test both out and let us know what you think! Is it easy to navigate? Is there information we can add? Something else we need to change? Please don't hesitate to let us know! Our anon asks are on, and we'll also be keeping an eye on replies and reblogs.

That's about all for now. Once we're sure we've got a system that works for everyone and the right info this sort of database needs, we'll be able to start the migration process. Thanks so much for reading, and thanks in advance for everything!

#boost #boosting #(im white just spreading the info)#this is an incredible idea

souliloquyyy reblogged

abalonetea

souliloquyyy asked:

Does the phone have an SD card? You could pull that out and probably get the pictures off that way.

My brother works in a field that deals with this kind of thing and he says that's probably the best bet, that or attempting to access the phone's bootloader—which could be a little risky if you don't know what you're doing, because there are ways to wipe the device through the bootloader 😓

abalonetea answered:

Nope, there's no SD card in it :(

Tell your brother thank you, though! And thank you for asking him! It's much appreciated!

souliloquyyy

This tutorial might be of use if you want to try the bootloader? I assume it’ll be different for a Motorola, but maybe not so different you can’t figure it out?

#not writing

souliloquyyy reblogged

365runesoftheamalgamations

lalunanymph

The TikTok-fication of Tumblr and why it needs to stop before your fave writers are gone for good:

1. “Part 2??”

Unlike TikTok, writing 5,000 words for a fic does not happen in 6 seconds or more. Weekly updates are from a writer who spoils you and is passionate about their story. Don’t kill the passion by demanding for more and not appreciate what’s already given.

2. The DC Conundrum

Many writers on this platform hail back from the ff.net days where dark content is a norm, not like TikTok where even death has to be censored or you could get flagged.

Despite that, writers are doing you a service by sharing fic warnings despite how it may take away from a plot twist or a big reveal. However, there’s a fine line between sharing warnings and downright spoiling our own work. Heed the warnings, don’t be a dick. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Learn how to filter your own content, too, while you're at it.

3. The Wild Algorithm

Unlike TikTok, Tumblr’s FYP is not in your face and you have a choice to not view it. Content often gets buried a few days after it’s posted without reblogs or comments to keep it alive.

4. Passive Content Consumption

Ties back with point #1. If you’re only sitting back and reading works without supporting the writers, they can’t spend 6 seconds to conjure up a fic. Writing takes time, editing, proofreading. Tumblr is a book club, not a delivery service.

5. De(constructive) Criticism

If an opinion isn’t asked for, don’t give it. Many writers choose this craft for their own enjoyment and to share a thought or story about a beloved character to those who love them, too. If an opinion is asked? Be kind when you share it across to them. No one likes their hard work to be shat on by someone who doesn’t understand the time and effort it took to create this piece.

6. Are You My Content Machine?

Again, back to point #1. Writers have busy lives. There are days when we want to scream into the void about our favourite characters. We want to share our thoughts about them or sometimes, we just want to talk about what happened during lunch break. Demanding and expecting that a writer post content without giving a shit about the soul behind the screen? Dehumanizing.

Don’t ruin the experience for those of us who are still here. Do your part to make fandom better for everyone.

souliloquyyy reblogged

jacqueswriteblrlibrary

klywrites

the kinds of stories that can be told are literally endless and I think that's neat

souliloquyyy reblogged

To do something positive on top of all this, if you're a writer of color, can you reblog and share something about yourself or your writing projects? Links so people can check them out would be great too!

It's not just about dunking on racists but making sure the stories that need to be heard are heard.

[White people are free to reblog to boost]

chayscribbles

hiiiii i'm black/southeast asian and this is my space fantasy trilogy wip featuring plant magic <3

#boost #boosting

souliloquyyy reblogged

pens-swords-stuff

jezifster2

To do something positive on top of all this, if you're a writer of color, can you reblog and share something about yourself or your writing projects? Links so people can check them out would be great too!

It's not just about dunking on racists but making sure the stories that need to be heard are heard.

I'm a black bisexual writer of a romantic fantasy trilogy. If you like courtly intrigue, flowery prose, villainous love interests and gothic romances full of doom, heartbreak and passion then my story might be for you!

The majority of my cast are formed of people of colour from varying ethnicities as well as including a bisexual m/f main couple.

You can check out my intro post for my gdocs masterlist as well as links to my writing excerpts and my context index for more information!

#boost #boosting

souliloquyyy reblogged

dallonwrites

To do something positive on top of all this, if you're a writer of color, can you reblog and share something about yourself or your writing projects? Links so people can check them out would be great too!

It's not just about dunking on racists but making sure the stories that need to be heard are heard.

[White people are free to reblog to boost]

#boost #i am white i am just boosting