nighttime is going to be fucked up under the trump administration, as he plans to get rid of the weird bug appointed by joe biden to be in charge of it. "the bug is too weird it freaks me out yucky", said the president-elect when asked about the nighttime department. insider sources say he plans to appoint an obscure youtuber known only as "gamer rickey" to the position.

How to Handle Having TOO MUCH To Do

So let’s say you’re in the same boat I am (this is a running theme, have you noticed?) and you’ve just got, like, SO MUCH STUFF that HAS to get done YESTERDAY or you will DIE (or fail/get fired/mope). Everything needs to be done yesterday, you’re sick, and for whatever reason you are focusing on the least important stuff first. What to do!

Take a deep breath, because this is a boot camp in prioritization.

So that’s how to prioritize. Now, how to actually do shit? That’s where the 20/10 method comes in. It’s simple: do stuff like a stuff-doing FIEND for 20 minutes, then take a ten minute break and do whatever you want. Repeat ad infinitum. It’s how I’ve gotten through my to do list, concussed and everything.

You’ve got this. Get a drink and start - we can do our stuff together!

🌙✨build your dream house & i'll tell you what you need in 2025  ✨🌙

buckeddie hangout after buck has moved on to the anger stage of the breakup and is on hour 2 of his epic rant going over everything that ever annoyed him about tommy pacing back and forth waving his hands like he always forgot to take his shoes off at the door and he never paid attention when i was interested in something and we would always have to listen to his music and not mine and in hindsight he was kinda shitty to me on our first date actually and he lay so still when he slept it kind of creeped me out and got me laker's tickets for our sixth month anniversary and i don't even LIKE basketball he KNOWS i don't like basketball. and he never even called me my NAME. and eddie is going uh huh. uh huh. yeah man he sucks. do you still have those tickets btw? while doing am i gay quizzes on his phone

you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out

I’ve been my dads power of attorney since high school (technically since middle school through a lawyer, like I had the final say) and my uncle was being a bitch to my dad yesterday and said “your daughters gonna let you die if you give her power of attorney” (not knowing I already had it) and my dad just said “she has been able to kill me this entire time. she can and will kill me when she chooses. I respect that.” like DAMN

Question. Is your dad a reincarnated king?

He does look kinda like Frederick Barbarossa from Civ6

Damn. Imagine being a king in a past life and being murdered by your successor and deciding 'Yep. This is the right way to decide which offspring is worthy of the throne.' and just continuing with that philosophy for the rest of your lives.

King. Literally.

Oh it’s even better. I’m his only child. It had to be me.

Oh oh! It's like that short story! Where a king got a prophecy that his heir is going to kill him one day but instead of killing his kid he was like 'no?? Wtf is wrong with you? That's my kid! Imma raise them properly and if they end up killing me one day so be it. Not like I was gonna live forever' and then just proceded to raise his kid properly.

Fast forward to the day the king was old and griveously ill, but nobody wanted to end his suffering because that would be fucking regicide, his son/heir came to his room and painlessly ended his life and continued ruling as a just king. The prophecy was fulfilled.

Evidently, your father had learned the right lessorn from that. A wise king indeed.

the probability of a character being gay if he's never stated his sexuality is like, a good 10%. but the moment someone takes care to write him into an awkward situation where he believes another man is flirting with him and he goes 'oh um ah. no. i'm straight' well haha. let's just say. one billion

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

This skull was found in 2012 at Jamestown, the first English settlement in the United States. Archaeologists believe the skull was that of a 14-year-old girl, and her body served as food for a group of survivors. They also discovered bones from her leg. They found it among butchered animal bones and other food scraps discarded by Jamestown settlers during the “famine time” winter of 1609-1610. A butchered horse and dogs were found in the same cache, signs that they were discarded during a desperate winter that began with 300 settlers crowded into James Fort and ended with only 60 emaciated survivors to meet an arriving ship the following spring.

Forensic anthropologist Douglas Owsley determined in his study that the skull had suffered multiple blows and cuts from at least three different sharp metal instruments. He concluded that these marks were made during a concerted effort to separate soft tissue and brain from bone. Months of intensive scientific testing led Owsley to conclude that this treatment is clear evidence of cannibalism, the first forensic evidence of surviving cannibalism in an early European colony in North America.

Would being called big dog fix me? Who knows?

Mixed reviews

"What's up, big dog; I'm ratsmacker" is going to live rent free in my head for a little while

Boys who up smacking they rat?

8.06 end scene ♡

Source

Unrestrained summer fun

@pictures-of-dogs

Send that to the manufacturer as field testing data for their durability

my favorite video of all time ever

Whaght are zey doing tu zis poor rat- [gasp] zat is PERVERGHTED ! ... WHAGHT ARE ZEY FILLING HIM WITZH? EE IZ GETTING TOO BIG! HOOOOHHHH...! OH MY GAHD STOP TOUCHING IM ! ZHIS IZ PERVERT BEHAVIOURE! HOOH! STOP IT! AUUW..... WHAT A TERRIBLE DEATH! SsTOP TOUCHING HEIM !

zis is like a medeval TOGHRTURE.

whathellwas even zat . OOOOO MY GAD. oh it- preetty cuute. OOOHHOOHOOHHOGGOOOHHHH OH MY GADDD THGAT WAS VEURY SCHARMING... OOH my gad he is DEAaaadddd... ohhh not ze daaaawwwg... ooooohhh nnooo you are feeling him wiz ze wader of ze hose...he iz also veury shcarming zey look veury cute like zis...i wont liiieee to yoU !

OH!

EWWELIKE A LAMBB...

FRRREAK.

MONSTAEUR

AAUOOUGGGHHH ZIS POOR ANEMAL. OOOOOOG

avoidance has saved me from everything it's also killed me a hundred million times

Feelings tonight