Hi! You can call me Eli.

thinking about the video where a bunch of guys get together to un-corrupt a blastoise that got bad egged years ago in a leafgreen game and how that whole scenario is like. the loving side of cosmic horror. you are a blastoise. you trust your trainer. you've been through countless battles together, and while they never say anything, you can tell your trainer loves you. what you don't know is that your trainer is, at all times, being puppeted by intelligent forces outside of your dimension, holding knowledge far beyond the scope of anything you could ever know. they know things about your world that you do not; that nobody in your world ever could. the distinction between your trainer and this creature is minimal. at the same time, this creature is not god. it does not have infinite knowledge; it understands far greater than you, yet in still a very limited capacity. they understand what your world is made up of and how it can be manipulated to fit your whims. this creature loves you. your trainer loves you. they love you so much that they want to help you become stronger. they manipulate the very laws of your world to attain this feat. however, they did it wrong. they didn't know what they were doing, and the makeup of your being- everything you ARE- was twisted. you are no longer a blastoise. you are a bad egg. your trainer remains the same as ever. everything continues on, the same as it ever was, yet you cannot be what you once were. your trainer tries over, and over, and OVER again to hatch you, but you never become what you once were. you are a bad egg. there are other bad eggs now, other pokemon you used to know; pokemon you helped your trainer catch, pokemon you may have even fought alongside. now you're all bad eggs, sealed away by ancient protective magic known as Code. you never knew such a thing existed. you wonder if you're dangerous now. your trainer sets you in a box. over the years, he forgets which box you're in. unbeknownst to you, the creature is panicking, trying everything it can possibly think of to restore you to your blastoise state. the creature is just a child. he carries the pain of your loss long into adulthood; in his mind, he is responsible for your death. in the grand scheme of the universe, you do not matter; you're a "game". a few lines of code and some pixels. you do not Exist. and yet, you are mourned. and yet many others just like you are mourned by many others just like him. the world has been still for many, many years. you don't know this, because your world does not contain an internal clock. time doesn't really exist for you; it's a concept far outside of your reality. and yet, it is important. your creature contacts another of its kind. it shares the story of its sin, the insignificant act of corrupting you beyond repair. it shares this story in hopes that it could save you. the other creature recalls its own destruction of a world not unlike yours. it agrees to help. many creatures within the world outside of yours have gathered all together, using technologies familiar and unfamiliar with one collective goal in mind: to rescue you. specifically you. your loss is widely considered nothing. and yet, they put in incredible effort. obstacle after obstacle, they perform miracles for your sake. they copy your world; they use strange windows to view it, they layer your world over itself many times over to view it from every angle. they dig deep into the very makeup of your universe just trying to find you. one of them uses a method that only he has access to, in all the world, to find you. and they do. you have lost your name and everything else that makes you you, but there is something that remains in tact, that makes you findable; a piece of "data", an invisible quality to you that you and your trainer would never see, something you could never possibly know about. this is what ultimately makes you you, and not another blastoise. slowly but surely, they begin to put you back together. it's much harder than it needs to be, it is far too much effort for one

creature in one game that will never be touched again, and yet they do it. they race against the clock, stressing endlessly, sweating bullets and crying out in relief when they finally find the exact values, the last pieces of invisible quality that makes it YOU. you are now a blastoise. you are now "legitimate" to the game. you do not know it yet, but your trainer - your creature - is waiting for you, excited to Transfer you into new worlds until you are where he wants you. until you are safe. you also do not know that at this time, two of you exist. there is the You, here, being put together, manipulated through the fabrics of reality to restore your original form. and there is the Original you; the one waiting home, on the cartridge. the Real you. you are a clone, but you are not. you are a new pokemon, but you are the original. you are both corrupted, and legitimate. you are many things. the new you is saved, and this version of your world- this version that has fixed you, and only you- is re-uploaded, overlayed and overwritten to the original. you safely arrive. You are a blastoise. You were a bad egg, for a short time. But now you are a blastoise again. your trainer acts the same as ever, because he cannot display anything that would suggest he notices the difference. you do not know what happened. you have no idea. you have no idea how much you are loved.

I’ll just leave this here....

girls love him for his poor posture and pathetic demeanor

geologists talking about shield volcanoes

i love you. this post is only about shield volcanoes 🌋 now. everyone else fuck of❌

So

my coworker from Uruguay had never had candy corn before

she had never HEARD of it (though she has lived in the USA for nearly a decade now)

i got some on sale after halloween and left it in the communal office spot

and later that day she comes up eating a handful "what is this stuff it's amazing!"

me: WE GOT ANOTHER ONE BOYS THAT'S ONE MORE FOR US CANDY CORN LOVERS

This is terrifying.

Call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask to be connected to the representative of your choice. Here is one that will send your reps a fax: https://resist.bot/

To get your Critters' numbers to call direct: https://www.congress.gov/members/find-your-member

I believe this failed to pass in the house.

You are right, it did.

hello everyone, hope you enjoy this lab mouse adaptation of Frankenstein; I am completely exhausted

… i saw this without the caption at first and i thought it was a lab mouse desperately trying to fix his friend who had been sacrificed

The implications of “what if Frankenstein, but mouse” are vast and deserve careful follow-up and contemplation.

@kriber

#for real though#what if we were both experimented on and we were nothing but test subjects and you were the only light in my life and I in yours#what if we saw each other through it all#what if we didn’t get to be people what if we didn’t get to determine our own fates what if we were cut into again and again#what if you died and I didn’t – a failed experiment and a successful one – what if you died and the world didn’t end#what if I said no. no. this will not stand.#what if I took all that had been done to us and I did it to others ruthlessly and without hesitation#for the slightest chance I could have you back#what if I treated them like disposable things – like we have always been treated – what if I said they don’t matter#only you do#in exactly the same way you and I have never mattered#what if I refused to let death part us#what if I pieced you back together with the flesh of our kindred and it worked and you lived#what if you were my creature and I was the monster that made you#what if you were my friend and I lost you and I got you back and I lost myself#what if I loved you to the point of atrocity#what if I pulled on the thread holding your body together and did not weep and did not know if the love was enough

#and we were both mice

tags via @aethersea because holy shit

What is reincarnation?

can you all tell me and be haters for a bit

The reason Trump won is largely the same reason nearly all incumbent governments in the developed world lost. They happened to be in power when inflation was high, even if the inflation had nothing to do with them and there wasn't much they could do to reverse it.

The US actually had the best results in combating inflation out of all developed economies. But it didn't matter. Prices were high and that was enough to swing the election.

That's exactly it.

Likes to charge reblogs to FUCKING cast

Please for the love of god. You should be able to change controls WITHOUT TAKING YOUR EYES OF THE ROAD. There is no reason to have to look at a SCREEEN while DRIVING

i read the cutest reddit thread today where this 19 yo boy was “babysitting” his 15 yo little sister while his parents were away on vacation and she got this horrific period and needed to be taken to the ER.

and this sweet 19 yo boy was doing all he could to take care of her, giving her meds and water and then packing stuff up to go to the hospital once reddit was like “yeah if she’s soaking two tampons in an hour you should go” - but being only a little older than a child himself, he didn’t know what to pack, so he brought like three things, and one of them was SUNSCREEN.

lmao everyone on reddit was like “you’re a really good brother but sunscreen?? for the hospital??” lmao they are roasting him. also op’s sister changed his name in her phone to “spf” and their dad calls him “bananaboat” now. this guy is never living this down

(also his sister is ok and it turns out their family has some kind of genetic blood disorder)

link to the thread on r/BestofRedditorUpdates

the brother kind of reminds me of that post that’s been going around abt that abandoned five-week-old kitten that was taking care of a few two-week-old kittens that were somehow with him and he was just trying his best but he was so small

Dcxdp

Biofam 4/5

Maddie didn’t speak to her father, as did her sister. Unfortunately, that made it hard for them to contact their favorite uncle, but when they left at eighteen, they both agreed it was for the best. Even after they found out the old man was dead, they didn’t reach out, unsure of what they would say.

That was then.

Now, with shaking hands covered in ectoplasm,(god her baby was hurt, she had been hurting her baby, THOSE BASTARDS IN WHITE HURT HER BABIES) she dialed the number that she had never managed to forget.

“Hello, who is this and how did you get this number?” The British accent soothed a part of her she hadn’t noticed was tense.

“Uncle Alfred.” Maddie could barely choke out his name, hands still shaking. “I need help.”

Algred: Master Bruce, I am will be taking leave due to a family emergency

Alfred: *loads shotgun*

Bruce: ...

Alfred: I have also aired out three rooms in the servant's wing. Do ensure the children stay out of them.

Bruce:*frightened* ...Have a good trip?

Alfred: oh it will be

Bruce knew that Alfred had an arsenal hidden throughout his house. A half dozen would be thieves had been filled with rubber before he had finally accepted that no matter how many of them he found the old man would have some guns hidden away. However, it was still a shock to see the entire dining room table completely covered in firearms and demolitions equipment. Especially considering the table could comfortably sit 26.

Last time I played Tears of the Kingdom I met the Gloom Hands in the Depths under Korok Forest, and that was the scariest thing, I lost 10 years of my life in the process and barely managed to escape by hiding inside one of the hollow trees.

The developers at Nintendo are wicked bastards.

OP, were you born after 2000 by any chance?

Alex Jones is livestreaming rn and for the first and only time in my life it's appointment viewing. He got evicted from his studio mid-stream and they had to cover for him when he popped up in his "satellite studio" (a room in his house I assume) devoid of the Infowars branding. He's talking about how "tens of millions" of people have watched his final broadcast & you can literally see he has far less than a million viewers in the bottom corner (and this is on Twitter, which inflates views of videos ever since Elon had to convince people anyway gives a shit about Tucker Carlson's livestreams). He's currently whining that they chose not to sell his site back to him at auction, so he could keep doing the crimes that are why he was selling his website.

I didn't see this personally but he's apparently read out the Onion's announcement, which is a fake article by a fake corporation, out loud several times as if it was real. Anyway it should be noted how screwed he is, bc...

...while he can livestream under his own name, they own his warehouses of dubious supplements. He has nothing to sell but t-shirts protesting that his show is going down. Since Infowars was, first and foremost, a lifestyle brand, this leaves him, scientifically speaking, "totally fucked". He doesn't have ads, that's the only way he makes money

He just promised that he will "win the information war" which. You were sued into oblivion for lying about the parents of murdered children & lost your platform so hard you don't even have a studio anymore & your brand was seized by a rival to make fun of you. I didn't think the Infowar was a real thing you could lose, but I'm not sure there's a more definitive way to lose the information war. Anyway he's now ranting about fluoride

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

imagine: you're a minimum wage mail carrier. you have to deliver a letter to some guy's house WAY out in the middle of nowhere. the letter tells him he was elected president. the guy didn't know he was running for president. a month later you're secretary of state and directly advising the president on nuclear policy.

this is the plot of the goblin emperor from csevet's point of view.

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

This is so accurate

did u guys ever watch the BBC drama “Atlantis” where the main character is a modern guy who accidentally travels back in time to Ancient Greece

and tbh it’s full of him having moments where he realises this is a myth

like this woman comes to him and asks for help because her husband is trying to kill her baby so he helps her smuggle the baby out of the city to be taken in by another family and the other family ask the baby’s name and she says “Oedipus” and the guy is like

oh fuck

and then he meets a girl called Medusa and the whole time is just like shit shit shit then she goes missing and they track her to a cave and he is like “guys this is gonna sound weird but does anyone have a mirror”

BEST MOMENT  is he meets a guy who says “Hi I’m Pythagoras” and he blurts out “THE TRIANGLE GUY” and Pythagoras is just HEART EYES like “YES I LOVE TRIANGLES HOW DID YOU KNOW”

From here. If you think arachnids with long legs are just scary please watch this solifugid dig her nest (or try to) like SUCH a goofy little person creature. Look how she shoves dirt with her mouth and then gives it a little pat. Is she even making any progress?!