Something Quite Peculiar

Hi guys, it's about 4AM, which means I have to get up soon for work, but I can't sleep.

I've almost posted a few times before now, more assurances that I am working on the story, which I am. But I knew I wouldn't be posting soon so that seemed like a tease, I still have a ways to go before I have the buffer I want.

Apologies again for the delay. I started working full time again, recently.

Now I'm here because I guess when I don't know where to go, I wander over to my stories.

I don't know that it will come as a shock to you guys that I am unhappy about the election results.

I have friends who have needed abortions before and I'm so glad they've been lucky enough to have access to them.

I have quite a few trans friends.

I don't think any of my friends are straight. I'm not straight.

I have a chronic illness that I treat partially with birth control.

My job sent out an email the other day about a man making gun threats, which has thankfully not become anything and hopefully will not.

I'm worried for my friends. I'm worried for my health. I'm worried about all the young girls and lgbtqia+ folk in my life that will have to grow up with this.

I just want us all to be here when it ends. I want to know it will end, but it feels like it is taking no time at all for history to repeat itself and keep giving us the finger.

I went back to doom scrolling almost immediately, caught myself, and I'm going to have to block some apps on my phone for my own well-being.

Remember your own well-being. In the midst of everything else, remember to take care of you. Someone has to.

Omg apparently this came in back in April and I never got the notification, apologies. 🙃

Life is going, one day at a time.

I'm glad you got here! I'm sure the hyphen is probably fucking with something. I get why fanfictionnet doesn't like links but it would be handy if it did, lol. AO3 continues to be a real one.

Hello!

I wanted to sit and draw and draw and draw and draw and just get ultra detailed. I fussed over the hair a lot. I just wanna zone out and fuss.

So, the good news is that I have been drawing. This is because I realized suddenly last week how close we are to August and how much I had not worked on Outfit August. So the panic "deadline approaching" executive function activated.

I have unfortunately not been writing because all my focus has been going to that.

But, I am doing literally anything that's not "playing the sims for hours and ignoring everything else" so that's a victory. I also realized after talking to my therapist that I've been in a depression spiral for the last couple of months without realizing.

These always sneak up on me, I'm like "yeah I'm fine, I just [list of obvious depression symptoms]." So, uhhh, check in on yourself, drink some water, save your work!

I found this lovely vintage picture when browsing pinterest:

It is from a 1921 silent film called Camille, which I will have to look into at some point.

I love any time I find a cute picture of a couple reading (the vibes fit Rowan and Jack so well), and this one is so dreamy. I started a sketch of Rowan and Jack based on it, don't know if I'll color it or not, but for some reason I really like the idea of this one being art school AU?

Another checking in/still alive message.

I really didn't want to go this long without an update and I appreciate your continued patience. I keep getting thrown off when I remember again how long it's been.

I have been writing off and on, and kind of getting back into drawing. I've also been running around to different doctor's appointments again. It's nothing life-threatening, just annoying.

When I don't have to do medical shit, I end up just wanting to hang out with my dog, or zone out and play the Sims. I know I keep saying this, but I am trying to be okay with taking breaks and not forcing anything. I want to keep enjoy these things.

(I also, obviously, make my characters in the Sims, so I'm not totally divorced from the stories even then. Love that you can make a Sim ice-proof, great feature.)

If you're reading this, thank you for checking in. I hope things are going as well as they can for all of you.

Venus and Cupid - statuette group by Antonio Canova c. 1798-1799, terracotta

What's up, just dropping by to let you guys know I'm still alive, I'm still working on stuff.

While I have been working on stuff, I haven't finished much, drawing and writing-wise, for the past two months-ish. I have done some sewing projects, crochet stuff, some other DIY stuff, and I'm trying to consume creative content as well to recharge my creative battery. I never want to force the chapters (or my drawings if I can help it) because I do want to feel good about them when I post them.

I just wanted to check in, let you guys know I haven't forgotten, I do still intend to update, I am thinking about the story all the time.

(Also, I realized my last post was about the dog attack and that feels lowkey ominous to just leave that as the last post. My dog and I are fine, my nail is kind of weird right now because I was bitten right on my cuticle? But otherwise my thumb is healed and thankfully they found the dog that bit me and he made it through the quarantine period so I don't have to get rabies shots. Always a good day when you don't have rabies. Get your pets vaccinated!)

My dog and I were attacked by another dog on our walk today. Again.

Thankfully, my dog sustained no injuries. I was bitten by the attacking dog, thankfully not too badly, but enough to break the skin. It was just my thumb, which is annoying because it's my dominant hand. Thank you to the neighbor man who came to help when I shouted.

Right now I'm just kinda numb and feeling defeated that this has happened twice in a year. I just wanna take my dog on walks. She loves them so much.

I'm hoping my thumb recovers quickly and won't interfere with my work (both professionally and personally) too much. I've been on a really productive streak before this threw a wrench in my whole day.

Send good vibes, please.

I've been looking at this too long and I'm not sure it makes sense anymore. But, here it is for you to look at now.

Trying some Dark Jack again, though sketch-wise this could easily just be standard Jack right now.

Aw, thank you! That's very kind, I really appreciate it.

I look back at some of my much older posts about missing updates for stories and I was very mean to myself about it for a very long time. My output was so high when I was younger and I think I still kind of hold myself to that standard sometimes, even though I know it isn't realistic (or healthy, honestly).

I'm glad that you're trying to teach your students these things, as often in school there's not a lot of room to breathe or develop. I feel like I spent so much of school just producing as much as possible, catering to what my teachers wanted, not concerned with learning so much as "being correct," just to get through it. I was "gifted" as well, so all my peers were burning themselves out, too. No one considered slowing down, it was jut normal for us. I swear I've never had weirder or higher expectations put on me than when I was a "gifted" teenager.

I still have a hard time letting myself take breaks, partially because I wound up taking a several-years-long break from the story at one point and don't want to again (even though, again, I do think the break was good in the long run). I never want to force the chapters because I don't want them to feel forced and end up clunky and bad. I'm also just trying to remember that writing is a hobby for me. I take it very seriously, but it is something I do for fun and for free, and I want it to keep being fun.

I hope your students are taking to the lesson well, and they get to actually have chances to implement them. It is still a work in progress on my part to be kind to myself and give myself grace. I hope that if your students at least keep this in mind now, they'll be way ahead of me!

Sorry for the ramble, and thanks again.

Sometimes, I get really stuck on a chapter solely because I had a certain structure in my head and kept trying to make it work over and over and over despite the fact that it was clearly not working.

Anyway, I finally restructured the chapter I was working on and things seem to be going better now. I want to have a good buffer before I start updating again for you guys, and I just want you to know that progress is being made!