Rook, bursting into the fade: why the FUCK are there so many alters to you scattered around? Why do I have to go through such elaborate steps to reach the wolf statues???

Solas: the Inquisitor made me run around the Hinterlands for a month. It’s only fair you experience even but a shred of that pain for ruining my ritual

they should have left dorian and the inquisitor in the in hushed whispers timeline for like a month just because it would’ve been funny

dorian: i can’t believe we have to walk through this desert. AGAIN

cassandra: we’ve... never been here before

inquisitor: dorian, cassandra doesn’t remember the battle of the western approach

dorian: oh of course. well, i’m not saying i liked the army of walking corpses, i am saying that they broke the monotony

inquisitor: i don’t miss the were-varghests. or the fade whirlpool

dorian: [in the tone of someone saying something absolutely hilarious] well you can’t really miss the fade whirlpool

inquisitor: [cracks up laughing]

cassandra: is this what heatstroke feels like

josephine: inquisitor i know you think it’s helpful but you have to stop saying “see that’s funny because those were literally your last words in the other timeline”

inquisitor: i don’t think it’s helpful

josephine: could you try to be? because our forces are falling apart as we speak.

inquisitor: oh wow. okay i know this is a boy who cried wolf situation here but those were literally the last—

inquisitor: hey mother giselle just brought me a letter and i want to say upfront i know i stood by you through the last time you reunited with your father but if we have to do it again i’m going to kill him

dorian: understandable but i’m going to have to ask you to not

inquisitor: can i at least tell him that in the other timeline we were gay married for three decades or something

dorian: a reasonable compromise

tempest rogue lavellan who doesn’t use flasks and is fully insistent they’re not a mage they just have a bit of the spark in the blood. everyone can do that, it doesn’t count. you think a demon wants THIS because i can light a candle or move a bit fast sometimes? you think i could make keeper? get real. vivienne stop looking at me like that. i’m not a mage the rest of you are being weird. learn a cantrip or two and maybe you’ll calm down. if you can’t light veilfire that’s on you

varric: so let me get this straight. the seeker doesn’t know you’re a ma—

lavellan: NOT a mage

varric: right right fine. the seeker doesn’t know you can cast spells?

lavellan: i honestly just picked up a bow and she assumed! what’s wrong with shemlen. are they allergic to having more than one skill. do their mage-blooded grow no muscles. what’s going on

I think dai would have been better if the cult that built itself up around the herald had been allowed to be way fucking weirder. like I know they paid some lipservice in the first act to ~oh well chantry leadership won't endorse what's happening here~ but the inquisition was literally founded by the right and left hand of the divine and it ends up being such a fucking buzzkill. I want this to be at least as bugfuck as the haven dragon cult from origins, just as like a starting point. respect your roots! I should be able to say whatever I want and have everyone within hearing distance immediately incorporate it into their worldview. I want to be so toxic to the chantry establishment that they won't touch us with a ten foot pole, let alone allow our endorsement to effectively select the next divine. hell let's choose our own, third divine and they can fight. I want a spectacular religious schism!! the inquisition fucking sucked lol

I don't know how to say this but ppl who came to the series through dai and aren't aware of how batshit it used to be have the mildest takes. "I think it's cool how you can lie about being herald of andraste" ok??? I desecrated andraste's corpse

“Does this game have fall damage?” I ask as I have already leapt off the tallest building in the game

Varric Tethras is such a crazy and fun character cause it's like. Imagine getting recruited into a special Catholic Church paramilitary demon fighting, apocalypse-stopping task force and celebrated novelist Neil Gaiman with a crossbow is there as part of your squad.

da origins: oh shit we have to save the world

da 2: a bunch of bisexuals do crime

da inquisition: oh shit we have to save the world

dao companions when they have low approval : you have,,broken my trust,, I will leave you :( goodbye…may you become a better person or die in a ditch

dai companions when they have low approval: I won’t leave but just know that I fucking HATE you. If not for the anchor I’d stab you myself. Fuck you

da2 companions when they have low approval: haha no don’t go against all my morals you’re so sexy aha

me playing dragon age inquisition: ah yes, the hinterlands. if you take this random dirt path to the right, you’ll reach a pillar that, if you run around it three times, you’ll have to fight a demon. if you take this random dirt path to the left, you’ll reach a bear that will fuck your team up.

me playing dragon age 2: there are only three main areas in this entire game and i still cannot fucking navigate hightown

dammit, varric

This thing you do. Maybe you should stop doing it?

me and Leliana on our third glass of wine making unsubtle eye contact with Florianne while waiting for Celene’s assassination

Cullen realizing we not only supported Briala behind his back but allowed Sera to smuggle thirty six barrels of cocktail shrimp out the Winter Palace

listen yall can choose whomstever for the throne in this game, it’s good to be pro-choice, which is why I proactively choose to assassinate Celene lol

dragon age is so fucked up there's an entire faction of french murder clowns and nobody talks about it

Choosing “New Game” in Dragon Age: Inquisition

If Vivienne was the Inquisitor the game would have been over too quickly.