self portrait

hang in there guys

trials of a fucking cyberwitch over here

this red-faced old fuck with a louisiana police ballcap comes in for an open-book open-notes open-laptop essay exam for a history course, the kind of test where you can basically write the essay beforehand and copy it down into a blue book. except he made special arrangements so that, using one of our laptops, he could just attach his pre-written essay to an email and send it to the testing center email address so that we could then forward it, in an official capacity, to the professor.

picture the incredulity on his face when i inform him, with infinite patience, that if he is on our computers, he cannot attach a file that only exists on his computer’s hard drive to an email. because it is not on our computers. i ask him if he emailed it to himself. “yes”

it is not in his campus mail. “maybe it’s in my hotmail, how do i open up the hotmail?” i tell him he types in hotmail.com into a new tab. i show him how to open a new tab. he types “HOTGMAIL.CLOM”

i tell him he typed an extra g and l in there. he clicks between the t and the g and hits backspace.

HOGMAIL.CLOM

i have to excuse myself ostensibly to help other testers so that i don’t burst out laughing right then and there. it’s not in his hotmail. it’s not in his aol. every time he feels he has something significant to say to me or wants my attention, he touches my arm. finally he shows me the binder he brought, with a printed-out copy of the essay inside. i say fuck it, we’ll take it (in so many words), oh but the professor doesn’t want it with holes, well fine, we’ll just scan the damn thing and send you on our way

he’s gone now and i’m still losing my shit over HOGMAIL.CLOM

i love you guillermo del totoro

[ID: Four gifs of Guillermo del Toro in an interview. He says, “I think the sublime confusion is from 19 to 29. You think you are late for everything, you’re a has-been, nothing is happening, there’s no opportunity for you, the world is closed, everything is a disaster, you wanna die. And then you’re 30.” /end ID]

He once gave a class in Guadalajara and said “Ustedes los jóvenes están en la edad exacta de la desesperación. Yo nunca me sentí más acabado y viejo que a los veintitantos. Decía ‘ya me pasó la vida y no hice nada’. Pero estoy aquí para decirles que no: tienen un chingo de tiempo”

Which translates to “You young people are in the exact age of desperation. I never felt more done and old than in my twenties. I’d say ‘life has passed me by and i did nothing’. But i’m here to tell you that’s not true: you have a lot of fucking time”

there’s been an accident at the explosion factory

bock and call torture is when a chicken. wakes you up early in the morning.  by screaming 

this is the only reason i get news notifications on my phone

Steel Ball Run

okay but they actually had a very calculated disregard for speed limits?

some of the quick facts:

- average speed of 103mph (165kmh) including the 22.5 minutes of refueling - reached cruise speeds of 160mph (258kmh) - 700 horsepower from various upgrades - built-in Net Radar radar detector - windshield-mount Escort Max 360 radar detector - AL Priority laser jammer system - aircraft collision avoidance system (for finding highway patrol aircraft) - brake lights and tail lights disabled - vinyl trim used to make the rear lights resemble a honda accord (and not a race-ready mercedes) - 2 ipads for additional police tracking - 2 GPS systems to prove their record - police scanner - CB radio - 18 spotters along the route to watch for police - and my personal favourite, a roof mounted set of thermal binoculars

And that’s the way to do it.

Kings

I’m amazed they were able to beat the old cannonball record

I bothered to look up the source all the way back and some extra facts:

Apparently, they had cops helping keep the other cops away, they did this by convincing them that they would do it regardless and helping would be safer, and if they set a crazy enough record it would deter other people.

The speed discrepancy between the top speed at almost 200 and average speed of 103 is because they dropped it with other cars nearby, which was also a strategy to not get reported and stopped.

It was not a Mercedes it was an Infiniti Q50 modded with a GT-R drivetrain which was set up for multiple drivers with a MIDDLE seat like a McClaren F1? I cannot find pictures unfortunately.

The original interview says they had a fucking smoke screen if they got chased even. Recommended by his therapist apparently?

I think my favorite part was he is agnostic so he prayed to every god just in case. All of them he could find. Just to cover all the bases.

ONE GIANT SIZE SHIT BITCH BEAR

so hype for the new madoka movie..... how we gonna girlboss our way out of this one ladies

elon musk fans when their tesla explodes and kills them

There's a guy right now with a melted Model X in his driveway that's still hyping the Tesla brand while the company is deliberately ignoring his calls and tweets for some kind of customer support

Kid Pix Studio Deluxe - Undo Sounds

Kid Pix Studio Deluxe - Undo Sounds

they hated this poor herb so fucking bad

i hate making accounts. what do you need my email address for you little pervert

rev up those contracts

clocks i am enthralled with