they sméagol on my déagol til i gollum

the fact that richard sees/wants us to see judy poovey as sort of dumb, while also seeing/wanting us to see julian morrow as some revolutionary mind when they're having the same damn thoughts is crazy to me

like near the end of the first chapter when we hear some about the class discussion, one of the points julian discusses (in simple terms lol) is how people who tend to bottle things up and stay composed all the time end up causing greater amounts of destruction when they "lose control" than people who allow themselves to lose control on occasion, but he does it with many words and references

and richard is like "wow this is awesome how sick is this guy"

then at the beginning of chapter two, judy poovey is telling richard about the time henry beat the fuck out of spike romney and she says something about how when uptight people lose it they REALLY lose it, but in terms just as simple as those

and richard just goes "yeah, i guess"

which there for sure is something to be said about the way people use words and the difference that use of language has on the way people feel about certain concepts, but you know

FINAL PART

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 8 and the epilogue:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— i feel like a newborn baby after finishing this book

— a collective downward spiral

— i hate all of them, yet i feel so bad for all of them

— henry straight up tried to kill charles

— like charles is awful, but damn man you can't just keep doing that every time

— richard does not deserve the company of miss judy poovey

— nobody gave a single fuck that richard got shot in the stomach, i would've lost it

— it surprises me that henry would see (according to richard) suicide as a noble act, which makes me think that that was one of many things richard was dead wrong about

— and there are so many things that richard was wrong about

— i've got an appointment to get to

PART 7

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 7:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— what an absolutely sickening chapter

— henry, drugged to high hell off stolen pills, wiping the dirt from bunny's grave over his chest

— donna tartt did a great job of making this chapter feel so frantic, and then so heartbreaking, and then so frantic, and so on

— it's hard to remember that francis is such a snob until it smacks you in the face

— very worried about charles

— the details of what happened while and after henry pushed bunny are so horrifying

— not many notes on this one, it definitely had some funny moments with the hampden hysteria, but over all it was a real dark one

PART 6

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 6:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— snow killing flowers : winter killing bunny

— + charles and camilla bringing in tulips into their house before they could die and also being the most (outwardly, and so far) affected by bunny's murder

— judy poovey, i love you, you are nuts but also so so normal

— richard, once again, giving us unimportant foot descriptions

— i think henry may be trying to set charles up to be the most likely suspect out of all of them,, i don't think he actually expects for any of them to get caught, but i think there's a reason why he wants charles to be the most involved starting from when cloke broke in to bunny's room

— average queer friend group

— bunny's family, especially his nieces and nephews makes my stomach turn :((

— i feel like the first half of the book is meant to make you kind of see why they would kill bunny, and the second half is meant to make you understand that he was still a human being, a son, a brother, an uncle, and a friend, despite his flaws

— like was it ever that serious

— "if it was up to me they'd put you in jail" over some parking tickets, girl you don't even knowwww

— i think julian is slowly starting to understand just what exactly they've done,, which he most definitely put ideas in their heads, but at this point i don't think he meant for it to end up like this

— i can't believe i've never heard anybody mention the racism before, because oh my god

— as things in the book become actually serious, it feels like the dialogue of the central characters and richard's inner voice becomes sillier

— as opposed to in the beginning of the book, when things weren't that serious, but everything was written as if it was dire

— the dirt under his nails "he was grabbing at anything he could get ahold of" is sickening i cannot stop thinking about it

PART 5

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 5:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— does richard papen have a thing for feet????

— "je me sens comme hélène keller, mon vieux." is so funny i wish it were said under better circumstances

— has richard been coked out this whole time?? or was him doing coke with judy poovey in a burger king parking lot just like something he was in the mood for???

— either way, it makes sense for him

— henry writing about murdering a guy in his journal and then not burning it was a crazy move

— richard is wayyyyy too chill about murder

— like man idk why you're acting like there's something wrong with bunny for having a drawn-out breakdown after finding out his best friends committed murder

— god bunny sucks so bad

— also maybe i'll take back what i said about bunny being very straight,,,, why, after arguing with your best friend, would you fall asleep in their bed??

— maybe that's just me though, either way he's got some issues

— bunny and henry's italy divorce story time

— camilla i'm gonna get you out of there

— i support women's wrongs

— calling people "hoi polloi" unironically, richard you are such a little prick

— this book is so well-written

— like i hate everyone but also i want things to go well for everyone

— the implication of both of the twins participating in the bacchanal and then bunny implying that they sleep together,,,,, y'all ,,

— "diabolical rap music"

— professor julian morrow they could never make me like you

— was going to say something about shared characteristics/parallels between julian and dionysus, but flipping to chapter 6 i see they have a quote about dionysus so

— jesus they just like murdered that guy fr

PART 3

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 3:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— jesus fucking christ richard

— i hate that this chapter not only makes me feel bad for richard, but also makes me actively like henry (which like yikes, my richard-ification era)

— i feel like richard gets roped into the murder plot when he realizes that it'll create an "opening" in the group for him

— cause he still feels like an outsider to me despite spending time mostly with the greek class, but also that could be on purpose to try to separate himself from the fact that he helped/participated in murdering a dude

— the scenes with him looking over the river like "man it would be horrible to fall, to die that way" like ugh

— FUCK bunny corcoran

— trying to avoid being lured into the trap of feeling like they were slightly justified in killing their friend because as much as bunny sucks, i do realize he did not deserve to be murdered

— henry winter, standing in the unheated purple warehouse with a giant hole in the ceiling that richard spent nearly an entire vermont winter in: damn bitch you live like this??

— henry's middle name is MARCHBANKS ????

— also he has a photo of julian on his closet door?? yikes man

— henry not knowing about the moon landing, then hardly knowing about marilyn monroe

— i am shocked at how shocked the twins were last chapter that richard picked up on henry being irritated with bunny like what

— i wonder what francis and henry were plotting at the end,,, second thoughts on murder perhaps??

— does richard know anything about camilla's personality as a separate entity from the group or as more than just a girl he spends time around??

— richard papen they could never make me like you

— no but seriously, i am both charmed by all of the characters and horrifyingly put off by them

— henry and bunny got divorced in italy

[edit to add one more thing]

— why does everyone want richard soooo bad??

PART 2

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, so here are my thoughts after reading through chapter 2:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— i was absolutely correct in my assumption that bunny actually was straight, but not quite in the way i expected (like good god man i know it was the 80s, but even richard was weirded tf out)

— BUNNY WHEN I CATCH YOU BUNNY

— love miss judy poovey

— also love how everybody outside the greek class is like "yeah they suck" or "yeah something is not right with those people" and richard hears none of it and instead is just ride-or-die for these people

— like he doesn't even fw greek like that

— increasingly cult-core themes

— no seriously "come with us in my convertible, new drunk outsider, to spend a luxurious weekend at one of my family's homes in the countryside" like richard you barley know these people

— "obsession with the picturesque" yeah i can fucking tell by the way you're not listening to a damn word coming out of camilla's mouth

— FREE CAMILLA FROM THE CLUTCHES OF THESE MEN

— don't know how much i believe richard's whole "i really didn't think about it too much" thing,, like yeah they were speaking latin or whatevs but like??? you couldn't pick up on any of it??

— so did they like try to slow-kill bunny using "natural remedies" (homemade poison) and when that didn't work they just decided to push him off a cliff or ??

— cause if they did that's fucking hilarious

— "hi-ho, the derry-o!!" girl, you are at the bottom of the food chain rn

— richard is so relatable in some ways, yet so absolutely detestable in others

— back to bunny's murder: i feel like they decided he was too annoying for too long and just wanted to get rid of him like unanimously vote him out of greek class, but henry seems to only be capable of doing things in the most dramatic way possible

— "Consummatum est."

[edit because i remembered something else i wanted to include but forgot]

— idk for what i think they've got going on with all that disappearing for a while and showing up with injuries all the time, but for now my two theories are:

1.) they're like performing rituals or like offerings to the greek gods cause they were reading about it and wanted to see if it would like do anything for them

2.) bunny went from killer to killed (i.e. they were a murder squad before they murdered him, and they're out there like committing actual homicide)

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, so here are my thoughts on the prologue through chapter 1:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— it is so spectacularly written that i don't even care how much richard complains and talks about nothing because it reads so nicely

— john richard papen is queer (derogatory (for him))

— francis abernathy is queer (canonically(??))

— henry winter and professor julian morrow are queer and i don't care that henry is a legal adult, i do not like whatever they've got going on with each other

— people probably want bunny corcoran to be queer (probably because his name is bunny and what straight man would ever go by bunny?? and also because he's dead), but he is not, i fear he's just pathetic and loud (so far)

— there is something very sinister about professor julian morrow, i do not trust that fugly slut

— nevertheless he does eat when it comes to in-class discussion

— i should probably read more greek classics

— also do not trust richard, i know first person povs pretty much always entail unreliable narratives, but this man seems particularly not at all reliable

— also also do not trust bunny,,,, idk he just seems too nice for the company he keeps and that doesn't make sense (well actually he does end up dead so,,)

— actually i don't really trust any of them,, it's probably because the book opens with murder, but there's something very unsettling about everyone and everything

— again donna tartt is a wonderful writer