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Normalize toys during sex. Roll that hot wheels over them titties. Skurt.🏎

Car dependency is so deeply engrained in the United States that we don’t dare to imagine rolling a z-scale Amtrak ALC-42 over them titties. Choo. 🚊

The Thing (1982)

you literally have no spirit of inquiry you don’t have a curious bone in your body and the whites of your eyes are sooooo dull. lol

Men should be used as living decorative statues for my massive estate

Can I still play video games

If you're a good little boy you MIGHT be able to watch a twitch stream

Would you like to import your contact—

tbh if someone just handed me a pressure washer and set me loose in the streets i would go into a trance and just start hosing shit down indiscriminately. it's not a question of how much i could clean, but how long until i get hit by a car and die

super mario sunshine

I didn't sleep at all but I feel amazing I can feel the dragon energy coursing through my veins

Go My Rottweiler Go

Fucked up that you could have said rattweiler but didnt

the siege was going well and we were all having our dirt soup together thinking about how much it must suck to be the castle knights (who ran out of food weeks ago). but the soldiers closest to the walls whisper that the wind carries the smell of an awesome pig. one thing is for certain: they are grilling a secret animal.

This teen girl on this j train just yelled really loud “does anyone care if we smoke weed” and waited a sec and her friend was like “raise your hand if you care “ and nobody did so now they are smoking . I love them

[after we both undress] hang on uh.. let me *opens wikihow page on how to have sex*