What do Count Olaf's last words mean? Especially the part- "Get out as early as you can and don't have any kids yourself." ?

Hello, @leighlemon!

Olaf’s parting words are a direct quotation of Philip Larkin’s “This Be The Verse” (Link). One of the reasons the poem isn’t quoted in full is that it contains profanity.

I would argue that Olaf chooses this poem for two purposes.

One is to contradict the false narrative that the Baudelaire orphans (and the “noble” side of V.F.D. in general) have built up in their heads: that education automatically leads to moral progress, and that evil people are usually ignorant.

Although the “villainous” side of V.F.D has a strong anti-intellectual stance, Olaf’s actions contradict this ideology (many of his plans do require a strong dose of research and literary knowledge). He goes as far as writing his own plays under a pseudonym (”Al Funcoot”), probably because he doesn’t want people to realize he actually enjoys literature.

So Olaf’s decision to prove he can recite poems is a fantastic case of duality. On one hand, he’s getting back to the days of his education by V.F.D., with a strong emphasis on the love of literature. On one hand, he’s such a wicked person that it’s a criticism of V.F.D.’s ideology at the same time. None of the endoctrination seemed to do him much good. But it’s possible he does look back fondly on his past appreciation for poetry as it’s strongly tied to the happy memories he had growing up with Kit.

Although the “villainous” side of V.F.D has a strong anti-intellectual stance, Olaf’s actions contradict this ideology (many of his plans do require a strong dose of research and literary knowledge). He goes as far as writing his own plays under a pseudonym (”Al Funcoot”), probably because he doesn’t want people to realize he actually enjoys literature.

The second purpose of the poem is to cast a cynical, uncomfortable light on Olaf’s own life. As we learn in “The Penultimate Peril”, Olaf was orphaned at an early age by the Baudelaire parents, an event which may have been the triggering event on his path to villainay. Olaf’s response was to make Beatrice and Bertrand’s children orphans in turn and to inflict every misery he had suffered on to them. So he’s effectively become the very kind of person he hates. There’s a strong parallel with Larkin’s poem, which speaks of the incapacity to become a “proper” parent even though you’ve seen and experienced bad parenting while you were a child. It’s an ontological cycle of violence from which there is no escape. Olaf’s nefarious nihilism is strongly tied to this horrible realization.

It’s of course no wonder that the adoption of Carmelita Spats is what causes the Esme/Olaf break-up. While Esme is delighted to obtain a child to shape into her own image, Olaf seems extremely uncomfortable around Carmelita. The fact they apparently plan to steal Carmelita’s inheritance anyway only makes it worse. Anything that resembles parenting creepsout  Olaf. So it only makes sense that he utters this poem with one last maniacal laugh, as the woman he once loved dies giving birth to the child he could have raised with her.