Dark Feminine Energy: Avoid This Common Trap
Dark feminine energy is a hot topic in 2024.
Since the arising popularity of the femininity wave, awareness of its shadow aspects – dark femininity – followed soon after. This is most noticeable through social media trends like TikTok blowing up with #darkfeminine content and tips, followed by even Vogue articles on this topic that holds such fascination for so many of us.
I believe all women can benefit from tapping into their dark feminine energy. However, I’ve noticed a common misconception about what the dark feminine is about, and many creators (businesses, sites, blogs) are perpetuating this misconception because the toxic angle is more profitable than the self improvement angle.
In short, they’re giving dark feminine energy a bad reputation by claiming it’s all about “using dark psychology tips and tricks to manipulate men, get into their heads and get them to treat you right”.
There are many problematic things with the above. Let’s name a few:
Why it’s problematic to associate DF to manipulation
- You can’t (and shouldn’t) waste your time persuading someone of your worth. It’s not your job to prove yourself. People either appreciate you, or they don’t.
- I don’t recommend playing with dark psychology the same reason I don’t recommend playing with black magic. What goes around comes around. However, I support every woman’s freedom of choice, as long as you’re taking ownership for your actions.
- It’s yet again male-centered. Instead of being about self improvement or self-discovery, it revolves around… yes, male validation.
- Dark femininity is an incredibly empowering tool, and this misconception is leading a lot of girls and women to play games and chase men, instead of leading them into their own power.
A more accurate term for the above trend which revolves around revenge and manipulation is simply “toxic femininity”. Yes, the female equivalent of toxic masculinity, because mistakes can be made on either side.
There is nothing feminist or empowering in chasing an ex that mistreated you, and putting on an elaborate show just to convince him you were always his dreamgirl.
Understand that through this, you are giving away your power and relying on another person to validate your sense of self-worth. Is that actually empowering? Of course not.
So then why waste your precious youth and energy to chase after people that are blind to your amazing worth and potential?
Alright, you say. So what IS dark feminine energy actually about?
What the Dark Feminine isn’t about…
- Manipulating men
- Dark psychology to get your way
- Getting revenge on an ex or jilted partner
- Playing games
- Being heartless, cold and b*tchy
- Playing hard to get (a dark femme isn’t pretending, she actually is hard to get because she’s the prize and she knows it)
What the DF is about…
- Strong boundaries by defining what you will and won’t tolerate
- High standards by defining your expectations for relationships, treatment, etc
- Self-knowledge and self-discovery
- Feeling safe in your own body and identity
- Becoming confident
- Accepting your body and yourself
- Doing shadow work and integrating...
