Lumen 🌸 The glow up queen

Hi anon,

Sure! I actually do enjoy having a cozy show at every point in my life that I can just re-watch or switch to. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind rewatching finished shows. If I like it, I'll keep coming back to it. My favorites (they're all cozy, casual watches):

As for comfort food, it depends. I hyperfixate on a recipe, eat it every day for a month, and then forget about it for a year. 😹 Generally I value how the food makes me feel over how it tastes, so I enjoy healthy, high-protein recipes most. A few favorites:

Hi flower,

This is a textbook toxic relationship. Inconsistent behavior, love bombing, hot and cold, actions don't align with words, the list goes on. Another big reason such relationships are so damaging is because they mess up your brain chemistry. You literally become chemically addicted to the rollercoaster of it, and are not actually thinking clearly. When it's bad, the adrenaline and stress hormones flood you, but when it gets good again, the relief and happy chemicals flood your brain and you're addicted to getting that next fix. It's a constant loop. That's also why no contact is important, to break the loop.

That being said, it's normal that you're in shambles right now. Your nervous system is dysregulated. Your mind and body is a mess, your confidence is affected, and it's okay.

In my opinion, you should absolutely not be dating right now. You're in no mental or physical state to date around. You're not in a balanced, secure state, and as such you'll inevitably make decisions coming from vulnerability, from survival mode, from a desperate need-based mindset, and a dysregulated nervous system which is just looking for relief anywhere it gets. It's grounds to get exploited by the wrong people and a whole load of other messy situations that do not benefit you.

Sit yourself down and just focus on yourself. Breathe. Meditate. Journal and pray. Go to the gym, go for a run. Remember the things that bring you joy and peace, and focus on them. Slowly, you'll return back to yourself. And when your nervous sytem feels calm again, and you're paying attention to the glimmers around you, life feels lighter and you breathe in ease again, then, you might be ready to date again.

PS: For all the ladies out there, please listen to me when I say situationships are a scam. Unless you're the kind of person who can stay 100% detached with multiple partners for a long term, stay far away as possible from them. Men reap all the benefits, meanwhile you reap none (or a very shallow, temporary one) yet take all the risks. You're doing yourself a disservice and it's only in the detriment of your mental & emotional wellbeing, not to mention spiritual. All those people you give access to your energy and viceversa.... so if you play around with a lot of lazy, directionless, depressed people, you're literally absorbing all that energy into your own.

Be more discerning and selective, your feminine energy is so incredibly powerful and sacred, and should be treated as such.

Much love,

The reason you tend to obsess over people every time you like someone isn't because you have the amazing luck of finding unique, remarkable people that you'll never find anywhere else. It's because they reflect all the powerful deep-rooted qualities & traits that you admire and desperately wish would be validated & accepted within yourself. It's not your ex who was a comedian, it's you. It's not your former friend who was the most fun person in the world and carried the spirit of adventure everywhere, it was you. You are the common denominator in all these dynamics. They're not the magic. You are. You're not obsessing over those people, you're obsessing over the aspects of them that you've denied in yourself & yet deeply crave to love.

“Let this be the November you always remember. The November you chose to believe there was more to your future than you were able to see. The November where you learned to trust that after everything happened, in time, you would grow in the courage to open up again. And you could look forward to these new unknowns, believing that no matter what would happen, you would still grow. You would still be worthy of love, even though you were made to feel you were not good enough. Let this be the November you chose to rise above. Let this be the November where everything changed, and you decided you were free to heal and never be the same.”

— Morgan Harper Nichols

Dear anon,

I’m not sure why, but your story reminds me of someone I once knew.

It seems like a long time has passed and you still haven’t moved on. Normally I would advise people to do their best to move on, but in your case maybe what you need in order to get closure, is just talk to your ex.

Pick up the phone and call them. We’re literally just human beings on a swirling planet in space. Nothing’s that deep, and yet, everything really is that deep, so it’s worth fighting for if it's keeping you up at night. Take them off the pedestal and treat them like a person.

This was once your person, who you spent nights on end sleeping skin to skin with, who you shared homecooked meals and belly-aching laughter with. You once shared everything with them. You deserve to get answers to your questions. Call them and get your closure.

You seem to be assuming they won’t even answer... but at least give yourself the chance to try. You owe yourself that much.

I’m rooting for you, anon.