cw: struggles w/ families/ being misgendered and misnamed. holiday fuckery.

i am feeling so much intense dislike for my family. and i don’t think i want to spend christmas with them. 

today i feel the worst, emotionally i’ve ever felt in the longest. i really just want to disown my family. all night last night it’s a 70% misgendered language versus 30% my actual gender language. and that’s the shit that fucks me up, like they KNOW my gender and name and pronouns but don’t even try. and like sometimes they get it but the rest of the time they just don’t give a fuck. 

and i just want to cry and do self-destructive things all day and just not go to our christmas thing. 

it’s just such bullshit. and i’m just so tired of being around them. and every time i get around them i just shut down and try to survive the dinner. 

i’m gonna go cry and play pokemon or star wars heroes. bye. 

i am overwhelmed with feelings and emotions and it's kind of a mess. 

probably gonna cry myself to sleep tonight. it's been like off/on all day. 

a bitch just wants cuddles. like damn. 

[CW: death, cancer, parent death]

Up early (of course) and being reflexive about this past year and dating