i'll defy the laws of nature and come out alive

i love to learn about my cat i love to google “should you trim cat last claw? trim all cat claws? cat last claw called? cat fifth claw? cat claws labelled. trim cat dew claw?” and then say hi graham i learned something about you! your weird claw is called a dew claw and it will not be worn down by regular walking so it is extra important to be diligent about trimming to prevent it growing into your paw pad! and he bites me and bites me

i wish graham could google. maybe he’d google “human skin thickness? humans skin cut bite? humans red line arm leg? how hard bite humans? human pain tolerance? human vs kittens safe play” and then he would say mads im so sorry i didnt realize that humans are prone to injury from skin punctures. we should engage in remote play through means of toys as you were suggesting

punky plays fetch which is very nice remote play through means of toys exactly as suggested above except when she decides to play no take only throw she does so by putting the mouse down next to us and staring at us in anticipation and then as soon as we go to pick up the mouse she gently rakes her claws down our hand then goes back to staring like come on throw it so we're like yeah okay and go to grab it again and again she rakes us and she is gentle yes she knows not to rake too hard not to bite too hard when she turns us into a chew toy but she does not understand dry skin and that even the gentlest raking of claws will bring the telltale red beading of the bleeding she's inflicting she tries so hard to be gentle with us fragile beasts that we are but she does not understand how. i too wish she could