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As part of our Monday reading series with God (@TheTweetofGod), and the help of David Javerbaum, comedy writer and former producer of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

“You know the apocalypse is coming when -

9/17    A woman in Sierra Leone gives birth to a baby with two dollars.

9/18    Fox News airs a typical day of programming.

9/19    Venus Williams buys a Mercury in Jupiter, Florida, at the exact same time as Bruno Mars buys a Saturn in Neptune, New Jersey.

9/20   An iceberg bigger than Rhode Island drifts down from the Arctic Ocean to the coast of Rhode Island, which it proceeds to taunt mercilessly.

9/21    The SAT introduces a fourth section, Tweeting. It also does away with the first three sections.

9/22   The autumnal equinox brings equal parts day (left side of the sky) and night (right side).

9/23   At dinner, every human child between the ages of 4 and 12 demands more vegetables."

- written by God. (See: THE LAST TESTAMENT - yes, THE LAST TESTAMENT.)

Read a chapter from “The Book of Revelations” in God’s memoir, THE LAST TESTAMENT. 

You can follow God at your local church, synagogue, mosque, or on Twitter @TheTweetofGod.

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