we thought this would be a tour of the 14 fears but actually this season’s just going to be JonMartin Coming Out into avatar society where every episode a new avatar tells them that they’re a cute couple

Jon: We need to kill Magnus

Oliver Banks, a gay icon: So glad you’ve finally worked this out cannot BELIEVE it took you so long jesus christ

How many times do you think Mordred and Arthur had this conversation.

after social distancing is over everyone is gonna be so touch starved every contact with another human will be like the hand flex scene in pride and prejudice (2005)

social norms after the pandemic are going to be like: "did you hear? miss Katherine brushed hands with the starbucks barista the other day when getting her morning coffee. quite the scandal if you ask me, exposing herself in such a manner… and with gloveless hands!“

The four genders are actually doctor, baron, both, or neither

Y’know, back in my day, if a pestilence swept through the land during a time of famine and flood, it meant that the reigning kings had displeased the gods and that we risked the gods’ further ire by obeying them

Then you took the king out, chopped his head off, and threw him into a bog to appease the angry gods. 

Twentysomething university grad: I think this new job is a big step up for me – the work is interesting and the environment doesn’t actively make me want to kill myself.

Their parents: Yes, but how many vassals do you command? Over how many souls do you wield the power of life and death?

Jonah Magnus is an embarrassment of a beholding avatar because he has a deeply below average number of eyes. Two eyes to four bodies is DEEPLY BELOW EYE AVERAGE.

redrawing captain holt scenes as elias is my passion project

must a woman be “beautiful”? is it not enough that she shake her fist at God and commit acts of heresy in the name of hedonism and lunar madness

Literally every podcast is just a bunch of gays and a shadow organization, that’s literally it, maybe some static

Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.

Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too.

Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I’m trying to tell you that I’m evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do!

Me, also increasingly exasperated: I know what capitalism is too goddammit

why must a film be “viewed”? is it not enough to see select homoerotic scenes in gif form, low quality?

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