sirius black's life at Hogwarts
- he/she pronouns (sometimes one or the other, sometimes interchangeably, depending on the day)
- he was an extremely touch-starved kid
- when james first tried to hug him in first, he punched james in the face and started crying
- and then after a week of beating herself up over it, she went up to him again and hugged him
- they had a very physical relationship after that (hugs, sitting on laps, arms over shoulders, etc)
- she didn't always try to piss off her parents in the beginning, but quickly learned that she couldn't really earn their approval without losing herself
- he was always a little fascinated by remus, and would always watch the other whenever he was doing anything (reading, studying, taking notes)
- he was the first to realize remus was a werewolf, but didn't tell james until the end of first year
- he also came up with the animagus plan in second year
- she always loved regulus and got frustrated with him when he would follow their parents' beliefs because she wanted him to see that their parents' approval wasn't everything
- she ended up pushing him away, instead
- he started to realize he had a crush on remus in fourth year
- after a LOT of "omg he's so cute in that sweater" type thoughts that he thought were perfectly normal
- she told james right away, of course (who already knew)
- fourth year was also when he started questioning his gender
- lily would give him feminine muggle clothes to wear: dresses, skirts, heels, etc
- marlene was amazing at doing eyeliner, and sirius quickly learned from her
- she grew out her hair to her shoulders that year, and would go around Hogwarts with it braided or curled, feeling very gender euphoric
- (Mcgonagall made sure no one said anything about it)
- that summer, when her parents made her cut her hair, was the worst
- he was forced into masculine clothing and masculine gender roles constantly, but he felt it so much more after the freedom he'd left behind at hogwarts
- he ran away from home that summer, begging regulus to come with him
- sirius spent a solid two weeks picking herself back up after leaving home
- james learned a spell to regrow her hair
- he studied hard their fifth year, wanting to get as many owls as possible to spite his parents
- many times people needed to tell him to slow down, drink some water, take a break
- she keenly felt the ups and downs, far more than before
- she'd build herself and her confidence up, feel good about herself
- and then would pass regulus in the hall and everything would come crashing back down
- snape antagonized him more than ever, and it really got under his skin
- the rivalry quickly shifted from james v. snape to sirius v. snape
- she had many stupid moments
- she thought that telling snape about the shrieking shack would make him see that he couldn't mess with them anymore
- she felt so guilty about it afterwards that she wouldn't eat or sleep properly for weeks
- both james and remus avoided him
- peter would pass him notes or bring him food from time to time
- lily had no idea what happened but could see that sirius was suffering, so she took it upon herself to make him snap out of it
- she forced him to eat properly, study, get proper rest, etc
- thanks to her he managed to do well on his owls
- lily forced remus and sirius to start talking again by locking them in a cupboard
- remus forgave her but it took a while to earn back her trust
- james forgave her that summer
- she properly came out as genderfluid that summer, after reading some of lily's muggle gender studies books
- he and lily went out and got proper clothes for him (that fit him properly, too)
- he got better at doing his own makeup
- he took an interest in muggle fashion and clothes design, and thought about pursuing it as a career
- but by then Voldemort had begun to gain more movement, and james and remus had already decided on becoming aurors
- she was asked by Mcgonagall that fall if she wanted to move dorms
- but although being in the boys' dorm gave her dysphoria, she couldn't imagine being anywhere else
- she hated being alone, and she oftentimes fell asleep in one of the others' beds
- their room was also where they spent most of their time scheming
- she did spend a couple of nights in Marlene's bed when her dysphoria got really intense
- which started a rumour about them
- (marlene quickly shot it down, saying she was a lesbian and dating dorcas)
- (but not before remus got jealous)
- sirius couldn't figure out why remus was mad at him until james literally spelt it out for him
- and he immediately went to find remus
- james found them later in the dorm, both looking very red, with sirius' hair mussed and makeup smudged
- they sort of had an on-and-off thing for a few weeks before james got fed up
- he and lily forced them to confess to each other
- sirius spent all his physical affection on remus after that (hanging off of him, sitting on his lap, running fingers through his hair)
- james was a little sad about that, but also understood
- they all got good marks that year
- the summer before seventh year was their happiest, before the war really began
- sirius, james and remus spent a lot of their seventh year doing practical stuff - going out to fight, etc
- they really supported each other
- and graduated with amazing newts
- (Mcgonagall really didn't want them to get involved in the war, but was also extremely proud of them)
- those memories, even the sad ones, were what kept him going through twelve long years in Azkaban
