When you are alone with yourself all the time, with no one but yourself, you begin to go deeper and deeper into yourself until you lose yourself. It's a perverse contradiction. It's like your ego begins to disintegrate until you have no ego. Not in the sense that you you become humble or or or gain some kind of perspective, but that you literally lose your sense of self. And I'm not sure anyone, unless they have gone through it, can can can truly understand how profound that loss is. It's like the psychic glue that binds your whole notion of existence is gone, and you become unglued. I think, therefore I am. I think too much, therefore I am not. I am not, therefore I am nothing. I am nothing, therefore I am dead. And if I am dead, then why am I still so goddamn lonely?