if women (women, not girls) that consume a lot of yaoi/BL bc horny, sexism, sexual frustration, dealing with their traumas, misogynia and patriarchy in general via using gay and queer bodies and stories for it, while at the same time that saying that yaoi and similars is not about gay are queers and is just about women readers and authors desires and pains, put all that energy in making works about women outside the norms of patriatchy and also work with gay and queers to make patriarchy fall we would have been living in a better world long ago. Been agressive when ppl point out the problems that have caused, ignoring their feelings, and saying is fake and that it doesn't affect them is not really the better way nor really showing humanity for the people that is trying to talk to explain why affect them. We can't ignore japanes gay men that since the 70s have speak about it, how the og "fujoshi" author (term that was reclaimed by the group) told one gay author back in the day that "my gay work is not about gays, is about japanes women trying to exist outside japanes patriatcal society using gay male bodies and sex, fuck u and ur identity", and caused in response a new genre (gei komi) among other things (that are not excent of critic of course and are complex too), as well how gay and queers from other countries have speak about it (in relation to yaoi and western media like slash fiction), even leading to the creation of the term "yaoification". This is like when brown and black women and ppl have speak up about how white women (and others bc we live in a society) use works portraying them in terrible situations just to have catharsis, to have a voyeuristic and empowering vision by taking the position of the oppressor and the opressed. Or western woman doing that with japanes women bc that is not talk enough and ppl usually focus in western men seen japanes women and lesbian works made by and for men.
Perhaps continuing with the heterosexist and heternormative patriarchal narrative of a stereotypical version of a passive feminine small man and an aggressive and possessive masculine tall macho man is not the best way to deal with patriarchy or to improve your life or the lives of others (men like that exist, but is not the only way of being). There is a deep misogyny in addition to the dehumanisation of queers. Why some women don't want to write about a new society with new roles or ways where women are not opressed by their society and culture? where their bodies and miends are free of all that in place of using the body of men bc is not subject to that but holds power and more freedom? why don't portrait women/female bodies with that same freedom or even better? This is something that gay men should ask themselves and what was thr historical context of it and why there is this a thing for some women (I think western men or not Japanese men don't know this things nor have cared to learn the context, and it's important even if at the end of it u still don't agree).
Perhaps continuing the patriarchal narrative is not positive for anyone no matter how empowered it makes you feel or how safe it makes you feel (especially when you have to read things that portray gay or queer male rape as love or other forms of abuse using us as if we are an object, a vessel, a trope or something similar that is not so unlike how feminist women have pointed out and criticised how men have historically portrayed the rape of women.). Justify it by saying ‘but straight and gay men do and read yuri to use women and lesbians for their pleasure’ is not the great defence some may think it is. Nor is it a great defence to say that gay men perpetuate patriarchy by using cis women, reinforcing heterornorma or mocking it.
Patriarchy is patriarchy and it doesn't make one thing justifiable because there is another. It's not surprising that we don't fight together if you can't even point out the bad and don't get knocked down because they are unable to accept two things: you make mistakes and things that have consequences and you can work on it while fighting alongside other groups for the main thing.
Maybe we all need to read not only works about the sex lifes of opressed groups wrote by women under their cis het female view of gays or queers (constructed by capitalism and some media for profit) or even just women or anyone writting using people's identity in taht ways, and read more gay fics, manga, and books written by gay men, queer books written by queer people for queer people, maybe they need books written by women that don't use trauma porn, maybe they need to talk to safe people in safe spaces, get support and community from women that don't reject women and help them celebrate and be ok with their bodies, desires, dreams, lifes. Gays and queer should help with that. Perhaps you need to read complex books made by women, about their experiences or their views about their world and they creating new worlds and universes, and not only fics made books or mangas by greedy capitalists that don't care if is bad wrote and lacks life as if women coudn't be capable of enjoying better works with awesome complex women protagonists that speaks to their minds, hearts, and bodies. Maybe people should discover the books of, idk, Clarice Lispector, Lydia Cacho, Anaïs Nin, Susan Abulhawa, Alejandra Pizarnik, Ursula K. Le Guin, Shirley Jackson, Alice Hoffman, Sahar Khalifeh , etc.
God forbid women wrote tons of life changing books and other artworks about been a women, human, life, bc everyone gonna ignore them, including women.
Women having grown up and still living in a world where being a woman is dictated by men (about how they should think, how their bodies should look, the way they should talk, eat, desire, dress, love, what to work on, etc.) should understand the criticism and discomfort towards certain works and their creators and surrounding culture. Women are trying to exist outside of patriarchal logics and not just be through a patriarchal lens, gays and queers are also trying to do that.
This is not about banning women, trans, agender or gay, lesbian, queer, pan, bi or other people from reading or writting queer literature, erotic literature, or shipping. If that's what you got out of it, well, I ask you to read it again some other time. And while you are on that also question why some gay men in Japan find better to say that they are fudanshi (male version of fujioshi) than saying they are gay (if they say it at all) or how in a research in Japan asking if ppl knew queer characters a lot of them said they weren't sure even when Japan is the great producer of yaoi/BL (gonna give u a clue: bc state queer hate, homophobic laws, and capitalism profiting on queerbating and similars). Did u know that yaoi have more animes and ovas than the basically non existent gei komi bc its not seen as profitable bc who is gonna want to watch gay anime made by gay men, this even when yaoi produce billions of profit?. So yeah, of course all this has relation with capitalism, but as well with misogyny, nationalism, homophobia/queer hate/trans hate, cultural aspects and history of Japan post war and traditional expectations, exotism, racism, etc.
Enjoy the recommendations, maybe u end up reading along side a women, gays, queers, etc and find out things and experiences in common.