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#lessons in letting go – @shmwrites on Tumblr
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for the heartbroken and the lonely

@shmwrites / shmwrites.tumblr.com

(s.m) © shmwrites 2017
Please respect the copyright on this blog and do not distribute the content without appropriate credit.
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when he left me i was heartbroken. i howled to the moon every night begging for him to come back. he didn’t. we talked about it six months later. i could say i was bitter or hurt or happy or healing but the truth was that i was still in love. he told me it took him several months to stop loving me. that he still loved me when he left despite telling me otherwise. i was outraged and heartbroken all over again. why would he leave me if he loved me? i couldn’t wrap my head around it. why did he put us both through the heartbreak? why why why and not a single answer in sight. it wasn’t until a year of us not being together had passed and i realised that he’d made the right decision leaving. i had taken steps i was too lazy to take before to improve my life, i had to, the break up felt like it could’ve killed me if i didn’t change. i now realise that leaving can be an act of love too. he knew we both deserved more, so he made the difficult decision to leave, despite how hard i made it for him. so if this ever comes back to you, i’m not angry anymore, i’m just sorry we weren’t meant to be forever. but i’m glad our paths crossed. i’ll be forever grateful for that. i’ll be forever grateful for you.

i love you still, but not in the same way - i hope you’re happy now.

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it’s crazy how badly people will treat you if you let them. in 2020 please set boundaries for yourself and your relationships. don’t maintain the toxic relationships in your life because you’ve known them for years or because you love them. please put yourself and your mental health first and leave if people show you that they won’t treat you well enough for you to be able to stay.

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when you’re trying to move on it’s difficult. it’s hard to not be reminded of him when you drive past his street or hear his favourite song. it’s hard not to be hurt when you see him kissing someone else on the street corner you used to meet up at. it’s so hard to be left still caring, with the memories of your love haunting you and taking up every part of your thoughts. but you don’t need to forget the good times to move on. you don’t need to forget who he was and how real your love was at the time. you just need to separate the special memories and the love you feel for him from the person he is now. because here’s the thing, he is not the same person you had all those good times with. he’s not the same person who promised you that he’d never leave, that told you that he loved you with his whole heart and meant it. he changed. and that’s okay. people change and there’s nothing you can do about it other than accept it. you can miss the person he used to be and you can cherish the memories you made together and the relationship you had but you have to understand that there won’t be any more good times with him and that he is no longer the person you loved. once you can accept that the person you love is gone and isn’t coming back then it hurts a little bit less and it makes it a bit easier to move on. when you see her with him just know she’s not with the person you invested your heart in, that person is gone. so please, separate the relationship, the love you have for it and the memories you made from the person he is now and let them be for the person he was. mourn the loss of him but do not wish for him back, because he’s already gone anyway.

he is not the same person you fell in love with, let him go.

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this is for anyone who’s hurting over someone who left them. you are not alone. you are not the first person who’s been left behind by someone they loved more than they loved themselves. i know it feels like the end of the world and that it won’t ever get better but it will. it’s okay to be hurting and sad right now but eventually you have to let go. you are not the only person in the history of love and relationships to be left heartbroken and devestated. it has happened to millions of people before you. but they got through it. and maybe they’re with the love of their life now. or maybe they’re finally learning to love themselves. either way they got the happy ending they deserve. and so will you. so please be patient and keep healing and growing. i believe in you.

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i was walking home, by myself and i saw a couple across the street. they were holding hands and laughing. and i didn’t wince in pain and i didn’t feel the sharp twinge in my chest like i usually do when i see happy couples. i didnt feel miserable and feel envious of what they had. i couldn’t. because that was me once. with you. we were once the happy couple that would make people roll their eyes at how in love we were. so instead of wishing them the same fate that we had and the same pain i had to endure, i didn’t. i actually hoped that they’d be the lucky ones. that maybe they’d beat the odds and overcome the obstacles we couldn’t. so i didn’t feel jealous. because that was me once, in the happy couple. and i know that it will be me again. just not with you. and i’m starting to realise that that’s maybe not such a bad thing after all.

being single doesn’t have to mean being sad.

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i always do this
i let him tell me i can fly
and i only believe it
after he tells me
as if i wasn’t born
with wings
as if i couldn’t already fly
before he told me i could
i let his love be the wind
that i need to soar
so when he leaves
i fall and i break
i wait for another to come
to repair what he broke
to fix me again
i need to learn
that my love for myself
is enough to make me fly
and is more than enough
to fix
my broken wings

i am still learning how to love myself.

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i can finally listen to happy songs and not feel miserable. i can listen to songs and not search for the hidden meanings and try to relate the lyrics to you or us or what we were. i don’t search for sad songs that will make me think of what you put me through. i can simply just listen to music and enjoy it, without trying to make it about you anymore.

how i know i’m healing

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sometimes i feel terrified that i’ll never meet the love of my life. or that i won’t ever get to have children. or that i’ll never get my dream job. there are so many things i’m scared wont happen because i can’t picture them happening to me. but then i stop and i take a moment to think. i never imagined i’d meet someone like you either. someone who would love me for everything that i was and everything that i wasn’t. someone who thought i was beautiful even when i didn’t feel like it and who i could look into their eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that they loved me. and i also never imagined you leaving. i didn’t ever expect to see the love drain from your eyes and you walk out the door. but both happened. and i find some hope in that. because although i didn’t imagine or picture either of those things happening, they did. and i like to think that means that anything is possible in my life. so i don’t worry as much anymore.

maybe there’s some hope in you leaving.

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stop checking up on people who hurt you and are fine with never seeing you again. stop reopening old wounds just to see if they still hurt. stop pressing down on the raw sore parts of your heart and wondering why you’re still bleeding. you deserve so much better than what they done to you and how they made you feel. let them go and let yourself heal. you deserve to be happy and you will be, but you need to let go of the past and people who hurt you first.

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i am slowly learning how to unlearn you. i can no longer remember exactly where the constellation of freckles are scattered across your face. i cannot picture your smile or the way you used to look at me anymore. i have forgotten how your hand felt intertwined in mine. i struggle to remember how your laugh sounds. it’s funny, even though losing these parts of you feels like it’s killing me, it’s actually helping me heal.

forgetting you, remembering to heal.

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it’s heart-wrenching to watch someone you love walk away from you, so don’t. when they leave, turn around. take a look in the mirror. realise that their absence hasn’t got anything to do with you. learn that it was their time to leave. tell yourself you deserve someone who will stay and believe it. look at all the amazing qualities and features you have that they can’t see. see them and appreciate them for yourself. know that it doesn’t matter if they don’t think you’re worth it anymore. look at yourself and realise you have always been worth it and that you always will be worth it. focus on your healing. focus on yourself. when they walk away, let them. turn your back on them too and choose yourself and your healing. it’s not selfish, it’s brave. let yourself grieve and then grow from this experience. become a better version of yourself. and thank them. because you never would have had the strength and willpower to change and grow if they had stayed.

self-love.

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when it’s over try to be soft. don’t let yourself come undone in front of him. save it for when you’re in your room alone after you’ve left his house for the last time. don’t tell him you love him one last time in the hopes that it’ll change his mind. it won’t. don’t put yourself through the deafening silence of him being unable to say it back or to say anything back other than “i’m sorry”. because his apology is more than just “i’m sorry for what has happened.” it’s “i’m sorry that i don’t love you anymore” and “i’m sorry that i can’t choose you” and “i’m sorry that even though i know i should regret this right now, all i can feel is relief.” please, don’t put yourself through anymore pain. when it’s over, just leave. respect yourself enough to know that there is someone better who will stay. don’t force someone to tell you that they don’t love you when you already know. don’t try and change someone’s mind about you. when it’s all gone and all you have are the memories trust that your love was real, it just wasn’t meant to last forever. and that’s okay. when you have to leave and walk away know that you don’t want a love that won’t stay. you don’t want a love you have to beg for. when you’re alone in you’re room coming undone just know that he has done you a favour. because there is someone out there who would do anything to be with you. and you’ll find them eventually. it just isn’t him.

let him go.

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Anonymous asked:

Thank you, your words really do give me strength and courage to move on. And i kinda feed on them to move on. Maybe by indirectly talking to you, with all these asking of questions does help me get by and feel better.

I’m so glad that my blog and what I write helps you in some way! We’re all just trying to move on from something so I hope it makes you feel better to know that you’re not alone in your healing❤️

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Anonymous asked:

His reason for breaking up with me was that he could not bring me happiness. He wasn't there for me when i needed him. And he doesn't prioritise me. But after breaking up, he claims he still likes me, cares for me and wants to do things for me. I don't know what am I supposed to feel or think. If he still likes me, why did he chose to let go and not want me anymore? Why couldn't he try again? Did I made me feel so lousy about himself that he left? I don't know what to do anymore.

When someone tells you that they can’t give you want you want (which in your case is happiness which is not a big ask from someone who genuinely cares about you FYI) believe them.

I’ve learned the hard way that trying to “figure” people out and trying to look for the “hidden meaning” and “deeper message” in what they say and do is pointless and will only waste your time and prolong your healing. Sometimes, as shitty as it is, you just have to take what they say at face value. You have to realise that someone who genuinely likes you and cares for you will become a better person and step up to be there for you.

Words mean nothing when they’re actions have already shown you all you need to know. It’s nothing to do with you, there was nothing you could have done better or differently. I don’t know you but I can tell you have such a big heart because you care about someone who doesn’t deserve you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you deserve so much better. My heart hurts because you would even think about blaming yourself when you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes people come into your life but can’t stay, sometimes you just need to learn the lesson and move on. I’m not saying he doesn’t like you or care for you at all but he doesn’t like or care for you enough to be someone who makes you happy and who you canbe with and you just have to accept that. There is literally nothing you can do but see his actions and what he’s said (that he can’t bring you happiness) ashim doing you a favour because he’s removing himself from your life so that someone so much better can come along who will always step up to be there for you and will always choose you. Please, no matter how much you like/love/care about him, do not settle. You deserve someone who wants to be a  better person so that they can make you genuinely happy, not someone who leaves and forces you tolower your standards. You don’t deserve to wonder why you weren’t enough for someone because you are more than enough, he’s the problem, not you. Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve so so much better! I hope everything works out for you.

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So maybe you don't get over him straight away. Maybe you don't wake up one day and realise you're completely healed. Maybe it's just taking it day by day, some days you think about him less and others a little more. Maybe it's accepting that moving on takes time and that some days will be hard and some days it won't be as bad. Maybe it's knowing that every day that passes you get that little bit stronger and a little bit closer to being okay again.  Maybe it's realising that it doesn't matter how long it takes you because you know that you'll get there eventually. And maybe it's you realising that you're stronger than you think.

It will take time but you will be okay again.

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