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for the heartbroken and the lonely

@shmwrites / shmwrites.tumblr.com

(s.m) © shmwrites 2017

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shmwrites reblogged

let’s take time this christmas to acknowledge the people who aren’t in our lives anymore. whether it be the person you thought you would spend all your christmas’ with who left you, the best friend who you drifted apart from or the toxic people you had to let go of for the sake of your own mental health.

it’s okay to miss them and it’s okay if you wish that you had gotten to spend one more christmas with them in your life. it’s normal to hurt, you’re still healing. but it’s not a sad thing, they’re not in our lives anymore because they’re not supposed to be.

so let’s celebrate the strength it takes to move forward and let them go, no matter how hard it is. let’s acknowledge our own personal growth this year and let’s be thankful as hell for it. let’s look ahead to the amazing people we have yet to meet. let’s be excited for the people who’ll stay. and let us lovingly let the people not meant for us go.

I promise you that there is no way that your life would be better with someone who doesn’t want to be in it.

shmwrites reblogged

i don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t deserve to be sad about someone who doesn’t care about you anymore. you don’t deserve to be the only one hurting and the only one left who still cares. you deserve so much more than waiting for someone who may or may not come back to you. you deserve to be happy, to heal, to leave the past behind you and move on. you are too full of life to spend yours waiting on someone who left you.

i hope you heal soon.

Trying a new thing for February, self reflection journal prompts!

Here’s my answer to: am I willing to trust the timing of my life?

Are you willing to trust the timing of your life?

(Just realised I got the year wrong 😭 I’m still living in the past lmaoo)

I wish that I could leave the past tucked in the corner of my mind in its box, undisturbed.

But I can’t.

Instead the past is a door left half open, a knot tied not quite tight enough, constantly coming undone.

It is memories coming back to me that I thought I had forgotten, that I desperately tried to scrub away from the deepest corners of my mind.

It is walking through the streets we once walked through together and remembering it all as nostalgia washes over me, flooding my thoughts with you.

The past isn’t gone in my mind, instead it is a visitor who has made itself too welcome in my head, no matter how many times I hint that I am tired, that it is time to go.

#spilled ink #inkskinned #spilled words #spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #prose writing #spilled prose #poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #unrequited feelings #moving on #letting go #past love

shmwrites reblogged

i am still in love

with the memories

of what we were

and the hopes

of what could have been

had you stayed

i am stuck

in the past

replaying our mistakes

desperately searching

for a different ending

preferably one

where we

do not end at all

if i could rewrite our story, i would.

shmwrites reblogged

i fear that

i am

both

too much

yet

not enough

even at my best i’m a mess.

a picture i took in my hometown :)

#spilled ink #inkskinned #travel pics #scenery #flowers #background #tumblr pics #pictures #my photos #photography #photooftheday

to tell you the truth, i haven’t driven passed your moms house since the day we said goodbye, and i still take a detour so i don’t have to go near your street. i’m terrified that the crippling wave of nostalgia might unearth any feelings that still linger two years on. i don’t want to believe that you still have that kind of hold over me. i don’t want to give you the satisfaction of you somehow having a fragment of my heart when you’re the last person in the world who deserves it...or wants it.

but i think we both know you always will (first love’s a bitch).

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i wish i hadn’t smashed the plates and cut us with the shards when you told me you wanted me gone. asking you if this is what you wanted, if you wanted us both to be broken and hurting and bleeding all over the living room floor.

i wish that i had dealt with things better. i regret putting you in the position to be the victim in the situation you caused. in the situation that hurt me and benefitted you. i hate that i’m the bad one in all of this to your friends and family. i regret that i’ll never get to share my side or fight my corner because there isn’t a corner left for me anymore.

i wish that when you told me you didn’t want me anymore i put down my glass, thanked you for the love we shared and walked right out the door. i wish i had left with dignity and strength.

but we both know, i just didn’t have it in me.

maybe you’d miss me if i had left better, maybe you’d be the villain in all of this (inspired by my tears richoet)

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please

don’t remember me

broken and hurting

pleading with you not to leave

because i don’t remember you

walking away with a heavy heart

begging me to let you go

don’t let the end

tarnish what we had

don’t let the end

change how you see me

please

don’t let the end

really be the end

s.m

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shmwrites reblogged

stop checking up on people who hurt you and are fine with never seeing you again. stop reopening old wounds just to see if they still hurt. stop pressing down on the raw sore parts of your heart and wondering why you’re still bleeding. you deserve so much better than what they done to you and how they made you feel. let them go and let yourself heal. you deserve to be happy and you will be, but you need to let go of the past and people who hurt you first.

shmwrites reblogged

the hardest thing i had to do this year was not to remember you as the person who loved me in ways no one else ever had before but to remember you as the person who left me broken in ways i didn’t think i could break.

it doesn’t matter how you loved me, it matters how you left me.

shmwrites reblogged

You can’t change how someone remembers you. You can know in your heart that you loved them and were good to them when they didn’t deserve it but all they will focus on is the times you couldn’t be there for them. Just because they will only remember you as a bad person does not mean that you are one. It just means that it’s easier for them to let you go if they only think of you as someone who let them down. All that matters is what you think of yourself and that you know you tried your best with them. Let them believe you are a terrible person and know that at least you don’t have to lie to yourself to move on.

i can remember the good times and still let you go, it’s a shame you can’t do the same.

when he left me i was heartbroken. i howled to the moon every night begging for him to come back. he didn’t. we talked about it six months later. i could say i was bitter or hurt or happy or healing but the truth was that i was still in love. he told me it took him several months to stop loving me. that he still loved me when he left despite telling me otherwise. i was outraged and heartbroken all over again. why would he leave me if he loved me? i couldn’t wrap my head around it. why did he put us both through the heartbreak? why why why and not a single answer in sight. it wasn’t until a year of us not being together had passed and i realised that he’d made the right decision leaving. i had taken steps i was too lazy to take before to improve my life, i had to, the break up felt like it could’ve killed me if i didn’t change. i now realise that leaving can be an act of love too. he knew we both deserved more, so he made the difficult decision to leave, despite how hard i made it for him. so if this ever comes back to you, i’m not angry anymore, i’m just sorry we weren’t meant to be forever. but i’m glad our paths crossed. i’ll be forever grateful for that. i’ll be forever grateful for you.

i love you still, but not in the same way - i hope you’re happy now.

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if my first love had stayed

he wakes up, makes his breakfast and leaves for work before i am up. he doesn’t kiss me goodbye while i sleep. he says he forgets to. he is always forgetting. we sleep so far apart it feels like we are in different beds. i am convinced one day the space between our bodies will be so big i won’t be able to reach him anymore. he says he loves me but it doesn’t sound how it used to. i wonder if love is supposed to make you feel so unlovable. i say it back but the words feel empty in my mouth. they linger in the air a moment before they are enveloped in the silence that fills the room. it is always the words that aren’t said that hurt the most. the silence becomes a part of our daily life. the third person in the relationship we turn to when all else fails. his words have made me cry but somehow his silence stings so much more. i wonder what happened to the two kids that learned what love was together. i wonder if this was always going to be our fate. if we were never meant to be forever, if we were only meant to be for the time being. i wonder if there is someone who would remember to kiss me before they leave for work. i wonder if love is remembering how to stop loving. if love is walking away. i am starting to think sometimes love is knowing it’s time to go no matter how badly you’d like to stay.

my life is undoubtedly better without you in it. but a part of me still wishes it could’ve gotten better with you by my side, i wish it didn’t take you leaving for me to grow into the person i’m supposed to become. i wish you could’ve stayed while it happened. i know you stopped loving the person i was but i know you would love the person i am now and that’s what hurts the most. i’m sorry that it had to be this way. i really wish it wasn’t.

i hope you’re well - a letter to my first love.

#moving on #prose poetry #unrequited love #unrequited feelings #moving on quote #poets on tumblr #unrequited affection #poetry #spilled feelings #unrequited poem #inkskinned #spilled soul #prose writing #break up quote #writing #writing community

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