We are not professionals, but we are working to build a community which fights stigma and supports healthy methods of coping and healing, as well as offers a safe space for people with BPD.
FAQ HEREDIAGNOSTIC CHECKLISTS
Apologies if this was answered elsewhere, but you mention that the book Stop Walking on Eggshells is on your blacklist of books for us to stay away from. Are their others? My diagnosis is new, and I'm trying to find the best resources. Thanks! :)
I can’t think of any specific ones but it’s always a good idea to steer away from resources that imply people with BPD are abusive/toxic/manipulative, and that everyone who is close to them is a victim.
my boyfriend is in therapy. he's mentioned i have bpd and the therapist is telling him to break up with me, telling him i am judgmental and abusive, etc and he even recommended reading 'walking on eggshells.' i'm terrified. i think this therapist is biased, i don't think he should be giving advice about a relationship when he has only met one side of it and not done couples counseling, i don't want to lose my boyfriend but i don't know what to say to him without sounding controlling/invalidating
His therapist isn’t doing a very good job. And you are correct in thinking they are biased, something therapists should adhere to not being. Nor should they be giving advice.
I am speaking from experience from the UK, but the way I have been trained is to listen to what the client wants and feels rather then pushing my own judgement and advice on them. Therapy is not advice, but about helping the person attending it to find their own way that suits them best. We can’t tell people what to do!
I’m not sure what your relationship with your boyfriend is like but communicating to him somehow about your worries would be best I feel. I can understand your fears of being controlling/invalidating however as it is his therapy, not yours.
Since therapy is confidential I am assuming here that you know about this as he talked to you about it. Perhaps next time he mentions something relating to it you could say to him gently, “I understand that this therapy is for you and that it may be helping you in some ways, I just want to talk to you about some concerns I have about your therapist’s stance on me and BPD as I feel it is quite negative and I am fearful of if it has any affect on our relationship”. He might just say he feels it’s bullshit but puts up with it for the work he is achieving, or he may say it has annoyed him but he doesn’t know how to deal with it. From there you can discuss what you can do about it and where your partner wants his therapy to go.
In counselling training we talk about a concept called “owning our feelings”. I think as long as you own what you feel honestly to him and don’t place any assumptions or blame on him the conversation should go quite well.
You’re completely right to have concerns about this and I’m sorry this is happening to you because of a therapist who isn’t able to do their job properly. If my boyfriend was in therapy and his counsellor said something similar to him I would be very frightened, angry, and doubting myself as a partner for him. I think you’ve done really well to come here and ask for help while shouldering all that negativity thrown your way. It’s not easy especially when a professional is making you out to be the bad person.
I hope everything goes well for you and your partner. I’ll be thinking of you.
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