Shit Borderlines Do

We’ve got a ton of asks asking us how to navigate the FAQ so I’m gonna set up a lil tutorial using your request as an example if thats okay! Note- this only works on a web browser/web browser mobile app. This wont work on tumblr mobile app.

first things first, 

open up the FAQ! it’s our url + “/faq” at the end, so http://shitborderlinesdo.tumblr.com/faq

Next thing you do varies on platform:

-if you’re on a desktop, press “crtl+F”-if you’re on mobile, go into your browser options, there should be an option called “find on page” or something similar

it will bring up this lil box in the top right corner:

This is the find tool. 

With this, you can type in a key word, and it will jump you to the first instance of that word within a webpage. Let’s try “lying” for compulsive lying

It jumps me down the page, highlights instances of the word, how many times it appears (1 of 2), and shows you on the scrollbar where else it shows up. You can use the arrows i circled in blue to jump from one to the next.

If you find the FAQ intimidating, try using this tool with a series of key words. If you can’t find something under “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, try “partner”. It’s like page specific googling, so you might need to try several different keywords before finding one that works.

I understand when people are upset or low on spoons that it is difficult to search through the FAQ, but this is an easy potential solution if you’re easily overwhelmed by text like me. We are sorry, but if you ask a question thats in the FAQ, we will end up directing you there. 

at least now hopefully it won’t be so scary.

-kenzie x

Its not always a relief when you’re in pain and youre sufering and the person you’re seeking help from dismisses you and your esperiencesbecause of your age/race/gender/orientation/etc

I understand where you’re coming from, but for many people who are coming to us saying their psych won’t diagnose them, it often has little to do with their symptoms and more to do with things out of their control (age, race, etc etc etc). This is a huge problem in the field, having BPD sucks, but having BPD and going undiagnosed and untreated because of reasons out of your control sucks even more.

its not fun or a relief to be dismissed when you’re in pain. We cant offer much help beyond “get a second opinion” but we do not wish to invalidate or dismiss our askers or followers. Theyre feelings are valid, the psych field is overwhelmingly bigoted and we dont want to continue that here.

-kenzie

I’m not sure I understand the question, to be honest. However:

1) I don’t think mental ailments should be compared to physical ones. They are different experiences.

2) There are physical illnesses and disabilities which are impossible to recover from, and there are certain physical disabilities and people who have them who do not wish to recover.

-Mea

I wanted to add on, most people who say they want mental and physical illness to be considered The Same usually mean they want mental illness to be considered as a serious and legitimate illness, like how most physical illnesses are. 

It still stand that many physical illnesses, especially chronic illness and physical disability, is often questioned as legitimate by able/healthy people. Many people with physical illnesses and disabilities still face aggression, ignorance, and have their illnesses and disabilities considered “not serious”.

-kenzie

To break it down:

- transient; adjective

- stress-related; adjective(especially of a medical problem) 

-  paranoid ideation; noun

The important thing here to remember is that having the belief that someone means you harm does not inherently mean you are experiencing paranoid ideation. That it does not mean that you are wrong in your feelings.

I go through this about every 2 weeks or so, where I honest to god believe that people with authority over me or people who dont like me are plotting ways to ruin my life (usually, specifically job-wise). There’s little to no evidence to support these beliefs and it usually comes about due to unrelated stress and small miscommunication and social missteps with people at my work.

But! There are times and have been times where I knew people did mean me harm and ignored it because I thought I wasn’t being fair/rational/whatever. Only to have them hurt me and me feel awful for ignoring it or “letting” it happen.

The clear difference between the two(for me anyhow) is when i’m experiencing paranoid ideation, I ignore the lack of evidence, and when I’m not experiencing paranoid ideation, I ignore the abundance of evidence. I believe DBT has resources for coping with this

good luck!

-kenzie ♥

I’ve answered an ask on this in the past but my overall feeling about the label of HSP is that in my experience most the people who Id with that that label are pretty against being associated with mentally ill people, they tend to define themselves often as “introverts but not crazy” (to paraphrase) and they aren’t very welcoming to people who are neurodivergent and/or mentally ill.

They want to be taken seriously and have their needs met while also excluding people with needs similar to their own but with a diagnosis attached. Again, this is within my experience.

-kenzie x

I’m assuming you’ve read this already by how you worded this ask, but just in case, you haven’t, check it out

My personal one is “this too shall pass” from the song of the same name by danny schmidt(cw for self harm and cancer and death). Most of mine are actually from songs, they seem to work the best because they’re entirely personal to me and my experiences and understanding of the lyrics. Plus theyre usually nicely written and easy to memorize. We even have a BPD playlist you can look through!

if any followers or mods wanna add their own, please do (:

-kenzie ♥

you testing your friends through malevolence is probably a behaviour brought about by your fear of abandonment. Fear fo abandonment is symptom from BPD, but the behaviour (being malicious and mean) is not inherently a BPD thing, thats an individual behaviour***. I know you already know this, but being pointedly mean to someone as a test is not kind and can be abusive. Its hard to control your feelings when upset, but we have information in our FAQ that could help with that. I’d also advise looking through dbttiger***Symptoms vs Behaviors-kenzie x

I’m terribly sorry you have to go through all that abuse and stress. And also, sorry about this, I mean no ill will, I just want to demonstrate that these are the type of questions we feel uncomfortable answering. We dont have that personal relationship with anonymous askers that would actually benefit them when asking for specialized advice to individual situations. The most we can do in situations like this is let these questions sit while we stew on them for days and inevitably generalize them to common knowledge, because we dont know enough to give you specialized help (the people around you, your region, the local laws, etc)

So anon, all I can really suggest is tell her to leave you alone, don’t interact anymore than that, block her on all sites and get your partner to do the same, and if harassment continues, get authorities involved. Again, I meant no ill will and its absolutely terrible what you and your partner are going though, I hope things ease up for both of you-kenzie ♥

If you’re feeling this strongly about him (like actually consistent hate, not just splitting) and the relationship is consistently making you feel bad, you shouldn’t put yourself through it.

I dont know either of you or any specifics, but if your negative feelings and experiences are that intense, its not fair to you or him to force yourself into something thats making you unhappy. You’re just going to end up resenting him for things that aren’t his fault. 

Eitehr communicate with him and try to make it work (we have resources on this in our FAQ) or maybe try a different type of relationship(like a friendship instead of “seeing” him) that allows him the freedom to be non committal and you the freedom to experience his wonderfulness without feeling let down, and upset.

-kenzie

I’m not quite sure since we are a borderline personality disorder blog and not an ocd or asd blog.

in a quick google search I found this short article that may she some light, but they do mention “high-functioning” which is an ableist term. I havent had time to dedicate to looking through the webiste, so I don’t know how safe it is - read with caution.

you can also read this article, but here’s a direct quote from it:

If any followers know of any trustworthy ocd blogs, feel free to share.

-kenzie

I feel like youll find this link from our FAQ handy Do I have BPD? - professional diagnosis how-to, info for minors & self diagnosis * 

-kenzie

thats called splitting, a common bpd trait. we have information in or FAQ on that

-kenzie x

her ignoring your attempts at communication is as unhealthy as not making attempts to communicate. We don’t know you and we can’t decide whether you were abusive or not based on limited information, I’m terribly sorry.

Also, sometimes people just dont work out together, sometimes people’s needs are so vastly different that neither of the two are abusive, just that the two together are unhealthy for each other. I would not do well in a relationship with a person that needed constant validation and contact. Someone like that would not to well with me often needing distance and space and alone time. Needing constant validation and contact are not abusive traits, and neither is often needing distance and space, but if both our needs are so extreme that neither person can meet the others expectations, the relationship becomes unhealthy.

Again, we at SBD  cannot say for sure whether or not you or your partner were abusive. We dont know you, we dont know the entire situation. But it seems more like you two just werent the best fit for each other since your individual needs were so vastly different. It happens, relationships aren’t a black and white situation of “Happy 100% healthy” or “Unhappy 100% Abusive”. You can be in a relationship and care about each other a lot and try your hardest to take care of them and yourself but still not be healthy together.

-kenzie x

From the disordered eating page on wiki

From An article on BPD and eating disorders:

-kenzie ♥

From the FAQ:

-kenzie