Netflix writers making Jaskier a minuscule percent elf, probably to cover the fact he called himself “other”: that’ll stop them trying to insist the bard is queer constantly!

Joey Batey, out here doing the Lord’s work as usual: Oh, two Jaskier’s in a room would absolutely bend each other over the bar and fuck themselves silly.

Netflix writers making Jaskier a minuscule percent elf, probably to cover the fact he called himself “other”: that’ll stop them trying to insist the bard is queer constantly!

Joey Batey, out here doing the Lord’s work as usual: Oh, two Jaskier’s in a room would absolutely bend each other over the bar and fuck themselves silly.

“You’re no more a monster than I am, though we would both be debatable in the eyes of humans. What are you, a Godling?” Geralt surveyed the small being in front of him with a mix of annoyance and curiosity.

Godlings were harmless. Mischievous? Certainly. But they would hurt a man no more than a child would. He couldn’t kill an innocent creature for pulling a few pranks and being different. Which means that this little excursion was a complete waste of time, energy and food, and he would see not a single coin for his trouble.

The Godling blinked up at him with, hm, what was that? Fear? Wonder? Guilt..?

“Yes mister, a Godling is what I am. Please don’t be angry with me!”

The Godling shuffled its tiny feet in the dirt, looking down at them as if they were suddenly the most interesting thing in all of the lands.

Geralt’s eyes fell closed, an exasperated “hm” vibrating deep in his chest. 

“What did you do?”

“I took them chickens, I did, but I didn’t mean no harm by it, mister, I promise!” The Godling looked up at Geralt with its unnervingly big eyes, it’s bottom lip beginning to tremble slightly.

“It’s just, I needed the people to put up a notice! Needed the ‘elp of someone such as yerself!”

Geralt dropped his pack to the floor, rubbing his temples.

“Go on.”

“Well, see, I got lost out here all on me own,”

“And you’re how many years old? 500?”

“563, actually! But that don’t make no difference. Still lost, still alone.”

“This won’t take long, will it? I’m on my way to meet someone.”

“Oh! Who is it?!”

“He’s a… hm.” Geralt shifted his weight slightly, taking his turn now to find a sudden great interest in his boots. He scuffed at the dirt with a toe.

“A friend?” the Godling gave Geralt a mischievous look, “Witcher’s don’t ‘ave friends!”

“Yes, that’s what I keep telling him.”

“He sounds very persistent! I think we would get along swimmingly!” The Godling began skipping off in front of Roach, singing an ancient tune to itself without a single care in the world.

To no one at all, Geralt said, “You know, I think you’re right.”

yo ho homosexual

I will never emotionally recover from this show

Stede Bonnet x Edward “Blackbeard” Teach | Our Flag Means Death ~ 01x09

Besties new wholesome gay found family show just dropped

Jaskier & Yennefer’s reunion {insp.}

Hissrich is currently on Twitter trying to retcon the shit out of Eskel's death by telling us we all missed what she was trying to show or some shit (telling us that it was obvious everyone was concerned and that they thought Eskel was acting out of character, when their own pre-release content introduced him as arrogant and short-tempered. Full stop. But anyway).

This caught my eye.

Against my better judgement, I watched the rest of it. And granted, I was laughing by the end, because the Prayer Circle of Love to save Ciri was so painfully mainstream American that I couldn't not laugh, but...

When did Geralt learn this?

Where was this emotional development? As far as I saw, all the people he drove away in his anger... returned to him, no problem. He was suddenly a little more chatty, and there were a few hugs. But where were Geralt's lessons? Where were his familial bonds? All I saw were some "witty bants" (read: not witty, it's no secret that I think Lambert was written as a blockhead dudebro).

Where was his learning to be a father? He gave instructions and pouted a bit when his teenager didn't do what he asked. Where were these bonds? I got nothing. Fuck, the best relationship in the whole thing was Jaskier and Yennefer, which, ha! Fucking hilarious. Kudos.

Then, this:

She. She actually clearly read the SparkNotes of BoE, saw this heartfelt development of character and understanding, and then decided her audience were too fucking stupid to appreciate it?

She took the Witcher. A story about found family, about adversity, about powerful women, and gentle-hearted heroes, and "not everything monstrous is evil", and reinstalled all the fantasy tropes. Reduced it to swords and bath tubs.

Because her audience only want nudity and fight scenes. She is calling her audience stupid and simple.

Eskel aside. Yennefer's relationship with Ciri aside. The butchering of Kaer Morhen aside. Her condescending tone and lack of respect for people who love the IP she is adapting is un-fucking-believable.

please, this image just wont leave my head

Inspired by the writing @dandelion-and-the-wolf​ sent to me exactly a month ago to feed me some inspiration. I asked for inspiration and ended up falling head over heels in love with the most wonderful, beautiful and talented person one could imagine.

The universe (and tumblr) works in mysterious ways. @dandelion-and-the-wolf:

“Alright, hear me out.

Geralt can’t fucking sleep. It’s canon. The poor man just needs a nap.

Well, what better way to fall asleep than to a beautiful, soft voice singing you into your slumber?

Cue Jaskier, who is more than happy - eager, even - to sing his best (boy)friend to sleep. Even if just to stop him being so damn grumpy.

So he convinces a less than enthusiastic Geralt to lay with his head in his lap, as he hums and sings him the sweet melodies he’s working on. Just the love songs, but only because they’re the soft ones, obviously.

Jaskier’s fingers absentmindedly begin to stroke Geralt’s hair, and when the Witcher raises a questioning brow, Jaskier blurts out a hurried excuse of his fingers usually being occupied with his lute and sorry, I’ll stop.

No. Don’t.

Said a little too quickly, a little too sharply. Almost as if Geralt had longed for the feeling of his bard’s fingers in his hair for years…

It feels… nice. I don’t mind.

Well, if Geralt doesn’t mind, then Jaskier is more than happy to do anything that gets him off…… to sleep.

So he begins to sing once again; gentle fingers weaving through white hair as if working on a masterpiece. Oh, and wasn’t he just.

And as Geralt’s breathing starts to deepen and slow, Jaskier lets his fingers begin to run along the lines of his face; smoothing the frown lines, soothing the furrows in that troubled brow.

Finally, Geralt falls into the deepest sleep he’s had in years.

And Jaskier composes his greatest love song yet.” Writing by @dandelion-and-the-wolf, original post. 

I thought it was more than time for an update on the greatest love story since a bard approached a witcher with bread in his pants.

I met my beautiful girlfriend @shipwrecked-nawtali through this fandom, and a year and a half later (thanks, COVID) we finally got the chance to meet up and spend a few long-needed days holed up together cuddling, smooching and getting a massive hole in the heel due to bad footwear choices. Okay, that one was just me.

I love you Nathalie. I fell in love with your talent, your humour, and your kind nature. Now you produce nothing, you’re miserable and really mean to me. I JEST, I jest. You’re the Yen to my Jaskier, and I can’t wait to have years more of chaotic adventures with you, my queen.

This man! 😢 I can't even begin to envision a life without him, it's only been 1,5 year but it feels like we've known each other for lifetimes.

There's no way for me to even try to match his comedy and writing because that's where he shines and it's one of hundreds of reasons to why he's so magical and why I fell for him so completely.

I love you more for each day my bard.

Thanks to @shipwrecked-nawtali putting it into my head, I too can now only hear “so lock me up and suck me off” when listening to Whoreson Prison Blues.

I’m bestowing this gift onto whoever else needs it. May it inspire you all.

@eyesupmarksman @dandelion-and-the-wolf

It did come from the heart. Perhaps a broken one.

A problem w being on tumblr is I’m completely desensitised to the urls you get on here. I’ll send someone a link to a completely innocuous post I think they’ll like & not until they’re like ‘what the fuck is this’ do I notice that I’ve linked them to shreksbiggreencockandballs dot Tumblr dot com or smth. :/

imagine you're a Ye Olde Fantasy Peasant and some guy comes to ur local bar and sings an absolute banger of a one hit wonder about a hot witcher and ur like "cool sick song" and go about your day

and then twenty years later the same guy comes back to your bar and sings a fucking orchestral break up diss track about the same guy and you're just left sitting there like "bro what the fuck"