Resident Robot-Loving Grandma

yay the halloween doodle game launched! I hope people find the cat yuri

I check my pockets as I lock the door behind me.

“I got my keys. My wallet. My phone. My bags. Is that everything?”

I stop. I look up with horror.

all food is "guilt free" to me because i love foods and treats and snacks and drinks forever and ever amen

sobbing

the what

*coughs* Friendly doll person here.

So Mattel came out with different Barbie body types a couple years ago, right? There’s your normal body, but there’s also Curvy, Petite, and Tall now.

Around the same time, they came out with the Made to Move body, which has a ton more articulation than your normal Barbie.

Customizers love the Made to Move body, because hey, a lot more fun positions to put a doll in for photographing. But now Mattel has started making the Made to Move dolls with the additional body types from above. We’ve gotten a Curvy Made to Move doll so far, afaik.

This Queen Elizabeth doll, though? Is the first time there’s been a Petite Made to Move body released by Mattel. So customizers were buying it up not out of any care about Queen Elizabeth — but they were buying it to pop her head right off and use the new body for other dolls!

The thing i like the most about tumblr is learning tiny details about communities i would otherwise not even be aware of. thank you for this info

— you’ve got ranmail !

He added!

hometowns have a thousand little ghosts pushing through the pavement that trip you up wherever you go how are we meant to live like that

on my way out of my hometown i’m torn between: “i have too many ghosts here” and “i don’t have enough ghosts anywhere else”.. a haunting doesn’t always have to be bad. it can be a light in my childhood best friend’s window after she moved away seven years ago.. it can be the smell of lilacs in spring that just don’t smell the same in another state.. it can be seeing an old classmate’s parent in line at the grocery store and being given a hug. there are small joys in tripping over my ghosts. sometimes the ghosts love me as much as they hate me.. but either way they’re proof i’ve lived. i left a fingerprint on the world here. small as it might be..

Hey I have good news for everyone.

Cringe culture literally does not exist outside of the internet.

I take my Minecraft backpack to college and I get tons of compliments on it. My boss’s son plays Minecraft and he’s elated to have a “resident Minecraft expert.”

Lots of things that fall under “cringe” are very dear to me and my friends. Good people recognize and celebrate that passion, no matter what it’s for.

Look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t the most embarrassing 2 minutes and 30 seconds of a cartoon you’ve ever seen.

(This is from The Legion of Superheroes episode 1 of season 2. I highly recommend the series and this episode because it’s hilarious and it’s got fantastic characters, it’s just the first part of this episode is unbelievably embarrassing).

Character: *acts out a self-sacrificing death fantasy in a simulation involving his crush*

Me: Ah yes, there’s my childhood fave

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

oh, fair enough

do me a favor? reblog this and write in the tag what things are worth it to splurge and buy the expensive/high-end version

me, on my posts: *writes as little info as humanly possible* 

me, in the tags: so anyway, all my problems started on a hot summer day in the late 90′s, when i was born… 

I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…

The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.

Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”

Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”

Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”

My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”

Zombie : “AARRRGH”

Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”

Zombie : “TEETH!!”

This happened to me.

Scary prison dude: HELLO

Me: Nice to meet you!

Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot

My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that

Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?  Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?  Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).  – Got to walk a second time through–  Same guy: My friends -wailing-  Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh. 

I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.

Specifically, I remember;

There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.

Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”

I could hear them giggling.

Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!

Me: thanks dad

A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad

I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.

how to tell a god to fuck themselves without them smiting you

dbdjjd ok so i hate being That Person but i had to anyway i returned from the beach like two hours ago so i was sitting in the sand, wanting some water to wet my legs yknow?? cause its pleasant but nothing came to me so i jokingly go like “oh well fuck you too poseidon i dont want your water anyway” and i stand up to grab a plastic cup (a kid likes their cola) and a fucking wave hits me it reached until a bit above my mid-thigh and just

fuck you, poseidon

reblog with your godly experience i once told zeus to fuck off and lightning struck the field next to us i have two witnesses and i convinced my christian mother greek gods are real

also im convinced @the-ghosty-king is a son of zeus every time hes sad it storms out

My little sister asked me why birds sing so early in the morning and i told her it was because Apollo plays music when he pulls the sun into the sky and the birds are singing along. the day after I told her that, she asks if we can sing a song as we walk to school every morning. Of course I say yes and now we do (she usually picks the song so usually it’s like stronger than you from steven universe or the miraculous ladybug theme song). When i asked her why she said “cus i want to sing with the sun man too” so like… I hope Apollo enjoys my 6yo sister and I serenading him every week day???

they’re long forgotten.

I’ll stop drawing them when they stop being gr8 (ノ)ʘ﹃ʘ(ヾ) 

So today I was playing Pokemon go at the park, and there was this adorable little old couple sitting on a bench next to a lure module. As soon as an exeggcute spawns at the pokestop I hear the man say to his wife “It’s the eggs again, Martha!” and honestly it was just so precious

two aunties behind me on the bus were playing pokemon go today and i heard “哎哟，跑掉了。这个很难抓!” (which roughly translates to: “oh no, it ran away. this one is really hard to catch!”)